just-a-girl - Hello Poetry

I come back here every now and again. Im surprised i even remember the email I used. I poured my heart out on paper, I needed to tell the world how horrible I felt. The last poem i posted here is nearly 12 years old. I was 14 and mad at the world. I hated myself and everyone around me. I threatened suicide, but im not sure I ever meant it. I guess i just wanted to show myself that my pain was real. I think that is also why i keep coming back here. To check that i truly was in pain. Even now, so many years later I haven't completely let it go, because if I do, how will I know it was true? What if I forget how life feels when you're 14 and addicted to self deprication? What if I forget and accidentally go back and do it all over again?

0

Jan 28

Jan 28, 2026 at 3:23 PM UTC

Was it all real?

I come back here every now and again. Im surprised i even remember the email I used. I poured my heart out on paper, I needed to tell the world how horrible I felt. The last poem i posted here is nearly 12 years old. I was 14 and mad at the world. I hated myself and everyone around me. I threatened suicide, but im not sure I ever meant it. I guess i just wanted to show myself that my pain was real. I think that is also why i keep coming back here. To check that i truly was in pain. Even now, so many years later I haven't completely let it go, because if I do, how will I know it was true? What if I forget how life feels when you're 14 and addicted to self deprication? What if I forget and accidentally go back and do it all over again?

10

desperate and so lonely i've looked for you i left behind all that i have ever longed for cold wins scream through my ears like a banskee a freezing chill a pain, that still will haunt me yet i have made it here running through all the fear the sadness in my heart retains the pain and if i fall i've learnt that i may not return none of my love remains yet i have made it here make this pain dissapear my one and only prince charming that's when i wonder... why cant i even dream? (c.m.h)

0

Aug 26, 2014

Aug 26, 2014 at 2:30 PM UTC

why cant i even dream

desperate and so lonely i've looked for you i left behind all that i have ever longed for cold wins scream through my ears like a banskee a freezing chill a pain, that still will haunt me yet i have made it here running through all the fear the sadness in my heart retains the pain and if i fall i've learnt that i may not return none of my love remains yet i have made it here make this pain dissapear my one and only prince charming that's when i wonder... why cant i even dream? (c.m.h)

19

roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you but the roses have wilted and the violets are dead the sugarbowl is empty and my wrists are stained RED (c.m.h)

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Aug 24, 2014

Aug 24, 2014 at 8:41 AM UTC

roses and violets...

roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you but the roses have wilted and the violets are dead the sugarbowl is empty and my wrists are stained RED (c.m.h)

10

a broken mirror a bleeding fist a silver blade against a wrist tears falling down to lips unkissed ignore her and she wont exist she's not hte kind you'll come to miss (c.m.h)

0

Aug 24, 2014

Aug 24, 2014 at 8:38 AM UTC

not the kind you'll come to miss

a broken mirror a bleeding fist a silver blade against a wrist tears falling down to lips unkissed ignore her and she wont exist she's not hte kind you'll come to miss (c.m.h)

6

you say you really love me but still you call me stupid ***** i dont think you really see how much you make my arms itch i do love you cuz afterall you are my mom but we argue all the time i dont know where this anger come from and right now im living on a really thin line mom i hate you go away no i need you please, please stay! get out of my room stupid ***** your face reminds me most of a witch i sit here alone sad and afraid but it wont be long back anyway... im gonna **** myself, not today but i will cuz i know i wont stay

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Aug 21, 2014

Aug 21, 2014 at 1:47 PM UTC

mom i hate you

you say you really love me but still you call me stupid ***** i dont think you really see how much you make my arms itch i do love you cuz afterall you are my mom but we argue all the time i dont know where this anger come from and right now im living on a really thin line mom i hate you go away no i need you please, please stay! get out of my room stupid ***** your face reminds me most of a witch i sit here alone sad and afraid but it wont be long back anyway... im gonna **** myself, not today but i will cuz i know i wont stay

16

but oh... how can you miss someone you never actually met?

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Aug 19, 2014

Aug 19, 2014 at 10:57 AM UTC

but oh

but oh... how can you miss someone you never actually met?

3

*my daily routine is tragedy i just want to be happy...* (c.m.h)

0

Aug 18, 2014

Aug 18, 2014 at 11:53 AM UTC

i just wan to be happy

*my daily routine is tragedy i just want to be happy...* (c.m.h)

3

sitting in my room all day long thinking about him, how he treats me wrong there is tons of other boys only one special i love his smile his person his voice he might be a little older but i can always cry on his shoulder he might be far away but i'll get there and finally kiss him someday he makes me smile even when i havent in a while when im sad he can feel it when im broken he can always heal it we like the same things and i hope that some day we'll prove it with rings i never thought we'd get this close but it's clear as air now this love is my daily dose i love you so much XOXO your babygirl your my vinyl scratch, my saviour!

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Aug 17, 2014

Aug 17, 2014 at 2:21 PM UTC

for him

sitting in my room all day long thinking about him, how he treats me wrong there is tons of other boys only one special i love his smile his person his voice he might be a little older but i can always cry on his shoulder he might be far away but i'll get there and finally kiss him someday he makes me smile even when i havent in a while when im sad he can feel it when im broken he can always heal it we like the same things and i hope that some day we'll prove it with rings i never thought we'd get this close but it's clear as air now this love is my daily dose i love you so much XOXO your babygirl your my vinyl scratch, my saviour!

19

i'll never know when my heart will blast i'll let out my words but the happiness won't last it'll get bad again worse than before i'll go to my room and lock the door when the darkness sorrounds me i'll know im alone silver turns red my thoughts are thrown they're gone for a while i'm happy again but will it last no it's still here haunting me tearing me apart and changing who i am (c.m.h)

0

Aug 14, 2014

Aug 14, 2014 at 3:46 PM UTC

depression

i'll never know when my heart will blast i'll let out my words but the happiness won't last it'll get bad again worse than before i'll go to my room and lock the door when the darkness sorrounds me i'll know im alone silver turns red my thoughts are thrown they're gone for a while i'm happy again but will it last no it's still here haunting me tearing me apart and changing who i am (c.m.h)

21

ripped apart limb by limb shattering bone heart caving in self mutilation scar after scar empty and hollow torn through this war

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Aug 14, 2014

Aug 14, 2014 at 3:31 PM UTC

ripped apart

ripped apart limb by limb shattering bone heart caving in self mutilation scar after scar empty and hollow torn through this war

8