juliancardona
American
I'm Julian. 21 years old and absolutely clueless on what I want to do in life. / I've been playing guitar for six years, something I spend most of my time doing. / The other time I spend writing, which you can guess is why I'm here. I've been doing that for two years. / I'm OCD with writing and the English language in general. / I love movies and making meaningful friendships. I also like cookies. / Hope you enjoy reading, feel free to ask anything. I'd immensely appreciate any feedback, that's mostly why I'm on here! Thanks! / / faceboook.com/heartslikehell
You are no black widow, you are far worse.
No remorse nor will to better your ways.
You bruise and contort, cast off and coerce
Until another, unshaped, gives their praise.
I am torn more by your guile, not regret.
To lie through teeth much sharper than what's there,
Is riddling and insulting, just bet
I won't be here when your guilt's made aware.
You shrink my worth with my name in your voice,
To be unmoved by poor, swayed lives that prove.
Alone, you roam and give in to poor choice,
And desert the ones who swore were unmoved.
I've never seen one's mind so strongly strung,
And one's paltering heart so wrongly flung.
Dec 10, 2013
Dec 10, 2013 at 11:41 PM UTC
I am irrevocably drawn to everything that you are. It worries me deeply, yet it coats every thought in a generous hue, a potential promise of something beautiful. Every word I add alarms my paranoia, that I am too much and should not feel the way I do. That each word is further pushing me away from you. How little I relate to sanity when words raise a dramatic voice over everything I choose to let out. I am not in love, but I cannot say I have ever felt this way about anyone before. And I will keep this and all of whatever more I have to say, solely to myself, in an attempt to keep any future from falling into ruins.
Aug 7, 2013
Aug 7, 2013 at 9:25 AM UTC
The song I sing today brings new praise,
the source is none other than she whose speak
brightens the hours of all my days,
these feelings here are the ones I seek.
I've spoken words as joyous as these,
yet a key difference must be known:
Before, end in sight brought out my pleas,
now, I'm sure old age will see it grow.
She truly makes me happy in all,
words and kiss conjure a wall of white
that lasts through my wake as they enthrall
and carries on in sweet dreams at night.
But struggle is an old friend of mine
who nears his show despite these good times.
Granted, as said before, my days shine,
and this, her third entry of my rhymes.
As time aligns against both our hearts,
we know the need to smile, not tear.
To help are my words and other arts
that I employ everyday she's here.
Since much care towards each other is true,
I ask the heavens and all above,
as I adore all we have been through,
if this feeling that we share sprouts love.
And now I know that heaven's answer
can be no different from my own.
How just one way describes me and her
shows without a doubt the love we've sown..
Jun 1, 2013
Jun 1, 2013 at 9:09 PM UTC
You've conjured new rhymes to stir,
to break my hold of weeks dry,
from our shared time we infer
warmed hearts from this strengthened tie.
Presence stretched through talk and thought,
as far as your resting head,
yet so close in what dreams brought
through sleep in each spacious bed.
Each day since has ripened life
with conversations in sync.
'Try to cure each other's strife,
care to make each worry shrink.
Despite our laughs I still turn
In despair at secrecy,
Unable to share our yearn
In fear of some penalty.
I admit my words lack stress
In hopes of drawing your smile
But at equal time I press
In my torn mind all the while.
Yet if anything, this shows
how eager I am to see
where, over how soon, this goes,
just how much you mean to me.
Apr 20, 2012
Apr 20, 2012 at 9:10 PM UTC
If I were to choose a sole point in time,
to prove initial words of so called truth
were nothing more than wasted hope and rhyme,
I'd have more than enough thanks to your youth.
It strains the mind to even ask what was,
when you eagerly spread yourself so thin.
I know what your infatuation does,
It only powers you to crave slit skin.
You seek distractions and indulge in tease,
turning your head to who excites you most.
Time passes slower than in what you please
and despite all your words, lack truth to boast.
You are the reason interest is waste,
to give in to selfishness and bear haste.
Feb 26, 2012
Feb 26, 2012 at 5:21 PM UTC
I pictured deep brown eyes as mine close,
A daring action given my place.
Yet these four weeks do new-found bliss pose
To make a most strong, compelling case.
Words have soon proven what we both share,
It's difficult to see how much years
Have delayed this altering affair,
That our chance has stemmed from both our tears.
The sole thought of your joy by my word
is enough to render equal cheer.
To know each line is eagerly heard
Only excites me for when you're near.
Yet I must confess something of note...
Still-wet lines of anticipation
Prompted by feelings that will no doubt coat
have now preceded my own action.
Your first rhymes were justified today,
Upon your sight muscles became tense
But quickly eased to peace by your way,
A hope firmly rooted by our sense.
The hours have mocked us most unfair,
Yet stars aligned are still stars aligned.
My soul wishes for no harm nor tear,
It's just dwelling in this joyous find.
Dec 4, 2011
Dec 4, 2011 at 10:26 PM UTC
My happiness is only in distractions.
It's when I'm alone
that I realize the full extent of what that means.
Another's smile makes my own spring in unexpectedness,
pleasantly surprised that it wasn't practiced.
I should be on Broadway,
with how consistently I play this role.
Of someone who gets by, whose only worry
is when to sleep and wake to work.
But this isn't me at all.
I close my nights with eyes that see a life unfold
a span of sorrow in disappointing my world.
Family that will cry at what I've failed to do
in the name of doing what I'm afraid I'll fail to live.
I'm so scared to leave this world
with nothing more than the dates I stayed.
The thought of having nothing to offer
mocks me into deserting instead of believing.
I wish for the strength to go beyond my own doubts,
the force to believe with every bit of flesh
that I can give my soul to the world.
Nov 3, 2011
Nov 3, 2011 at 12:46 AM UTC
It creeps in through every hour, this ache.
It's all I have to know that I can feel.
Sometimes the cold's enough for me to wake
and all this time I question if it's real.
To spend hours sitting without moving,
thinking of a thousand thoughts to distract
but each effort falls short in improving
a positive way for me to react.
Each day I yearn for words to raise me through,
for it all to just have been in my mind.
And with each wish I realize what's true:
Even at the best of times, life's unkind.
Smiles and exchanges are just for show,
to ensure that there's nothing wrong at all.
But it's hard to hide how much shadows grow
and confide in, with each unwanted fall.
Frost has rooted where joy once had full reign,
it keeps me from finding care in actions
that push me further still from tasks to gain
and places efforts in dull distractions.
Oct 17, 2011
Oct 17, 2011 at 8:39 PM UTC
In an attempt to draw out the scenes
I find myself unable to think
of a worthy vessel for true means,
of how to make sense of this new ink.
My dreams shine clear through infrequent sleep,
each action and wish mere thoughts away.
Yet open eyes draw dark doubts that creep
and reign through all hours of my day.
I wish for profound sounds to carry
each person to pure rapture and bliss,
but more weights strengthen on top of me,
and render brief happiness amiss.
My sole desire rests in others,
to move the way notes in me vibrate,
through my own loud message that covers
all ways to make feelings resonate.
Now I curse how long my tongue's been dry,
unable to assert its substance.
I never throw words that haunt in lie,
which reasons my constant reluctance.
Someday my lines will be more than lines,
but emotions that reverberate.
My inner self that tries and defines
all my actions as more than just fate.
September 4th, 2011
Sep 14, 2011
Sep 14, 2011 at 10:40 AM UTC
Tears fall freely, crashing down the slopes of my cheeks,
across my chin, meeting the warm floor.
And then they disappear.
For the first time in years solace prompted my tears,
a joy unfelt in its profundity.
I feel so moved.
The sheer simplicity of its occurrence only multiplies its greatness.
No longer do I feel fear and uncertainty clawing at my mind,
confiding in my aches and pains.
I feel as complete as the day I was born.
No worries or obsessions to drive my thoughts,
only the present feeling.
I don't even fear knowing that this will not be as strong tomorrow,
or present at all.
I'm just content that I experienced it to the extent I did.
In despair I yearned for greatness and nothingness.
Now I yearn for the ability to provide my purpose.
I look inside to find that sometimes,
the simplest things provide the greatest effects.
Tonight I will sleep soundly,
knowing my soul has been nourished so healthily.
Distractions are only existent when thoughts bring them into focus.
My lens is as clear as the depth of my tears.
No filters. No distortions.
Just existence in its simplicity.
Jun 20, 2011
Jun 20, 2011 at 9:36 PM UTC