jules
American
My past to say the least, is fucked up. I've been through a lot of shit that I hope most people can't imagine. But I got help and met some really cool people that make me feel happy and loved. Most of my poems are depressing and dark but it's not because I'm a suicidal shit or anything. I'm learning to be okay with life. It's just that that is where my emotions come from when I'm writing, and thinking. It's much easier to write about something you know and have lived. It's healing. Writing has helped me say the things that I can't say out loud, because on paper I speak from my heart, while with speech I speak from my mouth.
your eyes held the world
the best and worst parts of heaven and hell
tiny fragments of the universe
stolen stars from the sky
robbed earth of it’s oceans
filling them with passion and pain and secrets
and when I held your stare for the first time
two extraordinarily beautiful eyes
dipped in liquid gold consumed my own
and I knew then, in that moment,
that they were two bullet holes
that had left a small glimpse of a secret world
that had so helplessly captured mine
Feb 22, 2014
Feb 22, 2014 at 3:56 PM UTC
they say its love
intoxicating kisses
shooting up butterflies
snorting illusions
smoking lust
buzzed on hopes and promises
tripping on intimacy
but the crash—the detox—coming back down
further and faster and harder than any other drug
hearts pierced by betrayal
drowning in broken promises
choking on lost hopes
crying salty tears doused in vain
helplessly realizing that your next fix
is so impossibly far away—the battered corpses of fools
but logic gets lost in the force of gravity
that pulls them back to their fate every time
i’ve had my fair share of highs
and it’s the least to say that i rather ride my track marks
and chase them with needles
but either way
god grant me the serenity
Feb 22, 2014
Feb 22, 2014 at 3:44 PM UTC
I trace the outline of your body
like mountains against the sky.
I kiss your soft lips
like the ocean does the shore.
I hold you so closely
like the sky holds the stars.
I love you so dearly
As the forever endless sky.
And I see you so beautifully
through the broken rays of
sunlight that God casts
through morning windows
...can’t you see, my love,
you are my heaven on earth.
Feb 21, 2014
Feb 21, 2014 at 1:59 PM UTC
Really, people don't want to admit it exists
Always implicit and unspoken—too horrible for words
People —won’t acknowledge it unless it slaps them in the face
—can't deny the fact that
Everyone flinches at the very word itself
Feb 16, 2014
Feb 16, 2014 at 2:52 PM UTC
the day hurts the same every year.
the morning the afternoon the evening.
knowing that now you would be two.
walking and talking and laughing.
'loss' can mean so many different things,
on so many different levels.
but the loss that lives inside you—it's very heartbeat,
takes away your own.
he said he wouldn't love you.
but i do baby. i do.
he said he didn't want you.
and i was scared baby. i was terrified.
i promise everything happens for a reason,
and for some reason god needed you sooner.
he took you away before you got to see
the light of the world.
but maybe he knew that you wouldn’t want to see it
from down here.
the thing about loss though,
is that now i have something to look forward to again;
to the beautiful day that i get to be with you.
(j.j)
Feb 16, 2014
Feb 16, 2014 at 2:39 PM UTC
i don't think that it's not that i don't care anymore
i just think that nothing can hurt me anymore
(j.j)
Feb 12, 2014
Feb 12, 2014 at 10:42 PM UTC
You say we’ll make it—we’ll be happy forever,
You say anything’s possible and to never say never.
I ask if you’ll be able to handle it, the pain, the sorrow,
You answer ‘I’ll fight through it all because there’s always tomorrow.’
You’re surrounded by people that will always be there for you,
You both smile and breathe because you’re there for them too.
But now there’s this water, and you stare into it's reflection,
But what you find is far from perfection.
You can see your future before your eyes,
The pain, the tears, the fights, and the lies.
You see all those you love will be taken away,
And you’ll be left alone, and there to stay.
Suddenly your reason for living is dead,
You lay there for nights next to an empty bed.
The immense pain that starts to grow in your heart,
Is so much more than you would have ever thought.
I look back on the words you once told me,
You said ‘you could make it through anything, you just have to believe.’
But now you realize what you told yourself was lies,
You try to defend it but you know you can’t hide.
The amazing life you thought you once knew,
Doesn’t have the happy ending you thought was for you.
But you’ve looked into the future, and now you know,
You know what’s ahead—the highs turned to lows.
You look away from the water, at the life you have at this moment,
Not painful or sad—very far from it.
I ask you this time, ‘How will you live your life now, knowing what you do?’
I continue and say ‘will it be any different than if you never knew?’
(j.j)
Jan 23, 2014
Jan 23, 2014 at 1:43 AM UTC
i don’t have anything,
and he was something.
maybe’s that’s why i
was so scared.
to lose that.
but despite it all
i lost him anyways.
(j.j)
Jan 21, 2014
Jan 21, 2014 at 8:25 PM UTC
My past drained my future.
Too empty out there.
Too hollow lacking purpose.
Too far to think.
But too quickly approaching.
But there is one thing that gets me by.
Just knowing that right now.
In this moment.
With this present breath.
I am okay.
I am safe.
And I want now to be forever.
(j.j)
Jan 19, 2014
Jan 19, 2014 at 2:00 AM UTC
Trust me.
You don’t want to be my friend.
You don’t want to date me.
You don’t want to love me.
Just trust me on this one.
I’m telling you now.
Save yourself the trouble.
Don’t.
(j.j)
Jan 19, 2014
Jan 19, 2014 at 1:49 AM UTC