I am the world's best liar.
I'm not saying this because I forthrightly lie, no. Not to the people around me.
I lie to myself. I lie because I have to. Because how else am I supposed to get myself out of bed? How else do I live half alive and stuck in my mind?
I tell myself I'm fine.
That's the best lie I can think of
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:37 AM UTC
i fill myself up with liquor
only to find that i'm still empty.
people fill me up with expectations & every time they fail
they pour a portion of my soul out into the gutter
& i'm still empty.
lovers pursue me with sweet words & fill me up with dreams of a perfect romance & when it ends my heart breaks, spilling out the few drops left of my soul,
making me emptier than before.
i nourish friendships using the substance from my soul
only to watch them dwindle & die leaving my soul substance-less
& i'm still empty.
i write this poem with the hope that maybe, just maybe it can make me feel whole again but
i'm still empty.
— @beeyroyce.
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:37 AM UTC
Some days
Getting out of bed is the hardest challenge
The demons living underneath my bed
are now crawling beneath my sheets.
There's no use in trying
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it
Some days
I can't stay in my own bed
I can't even stay in my own home
The touch and company of a stranger
can fill this emptiness even for a moment
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it
Some days
Those bottle of pills looks promising
It's crazy that the same hand used to create
can also hold the thing that kills you
And I don't just mean the pills; I mean his hand
Sleeping away the pain is the best way to avoid it
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:36 AM UTC
POSSIBLE TRIGGERS: Self harm
I looked down and saw a scar
Of where I used to be.
A long, steady coursing line
Down my arm.
My scar invited me down it’s course,
Down its bright red river.
My curiosity begs me to go back.
I am weak from days of crying,
Nights without sleep,
And no strength on which to lean.
It would be so easy to press back down
And reopen what I closed.
I just have to keep trying,
Have to keep fighting.
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:36 AM UTC
I'm slipping
I'm falling
I can't keep it together
My seems are coming undone
My fat hangs off me in rolls
Don't eat
Don't you ******* eat
Look at your body
You are ugly and pathetic
Look at your uneven tan
You have fat *** thighs
Your body is disproportionate
Look at you genitilia
Just look at them
Look how wrong they are
They don't fit you
You are such a failure that your own body can't stand you
Let the self hate build up
Let the dysphoria overwhelm you
Let Ana whispering in your ear be heard
You owe yourself this much
You deserve every last bit
Past sliping
Past falling
You are done
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:36 AM UTC
the worst part of having a bad day
is not being able to cry it out
the day has been complete ****
all you want is to scream and yell
but you don’t feel anything
you are numb
you can’t smile cause it takes too much energy
but you can’t cry either cause you don’t feel anything
you’re just paralyzed
your heart is aching
and you can’t breathe
can I please just to cry it out the next time?
(s.m)
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:33 AM UTC
everything hurts
i can’t seem to find the reason
just wanna scream my lungs out
i need someone to lean on
someone to depend on
i need a hug
but yet i just wanna be alone
away from everyone
it feels like i’m about to break into a million pieces
(s.m)
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:33 AM UTC
Im like a dog chasing cars,
I'll never know what to do with it when i caught up with one.
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:33 AM UTC
What is it to purge?
Why do people suffer
Purging makes me numb
It takes many forms
Emotional pain
Physical pain
The lesser me
Would purge sustenance
I purge differently now
I purge words
Like the ones on this page
I purge my feelings
All up and down the paper
Less damage to my body
Nourishing my soul
This is how I purge now
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 10:00 AM UTC
Dear me,
One day, you’ll see,
That a small meal makes a victory.
But until then,
Again and again,
You’ll keep purging,
And pinching,
And dreaming;
That one day,
You’ll be just as skinny,
As you wish you could be.
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 9:58 AM UTC