I lay in bed alone at night and wonder why I'm here.
I do so much for everyone
Why don't they show they care?
I met this girl who said she loved me
something I haven't heard in so long.
She used me for my money
what a ride she took me on.
There is so much hurt I feel, so much anger trapped inside.
Sometimes I wish my dad was here, but to me he's not alive.
I have no one to talk to
These drugs seem to be the only way
Turns out it's a lie just like the smile I put on each and everyday.
I know outside I'm smiling, It's the face I fake for you,
But inside my soul is crying and there is nothing I can do.
I know my family loves me,
I'm there when their decisions are poor.
I'm sick of feeling like this walked on rug thrown upon the floor.
I lay in bed and wonder what the hell I'm doing here
Can I wake up from this dream?
Jun 14, 2017
Jun 14, 2017 at 12:11 AM UTC
I'm breaking;
I can't be fixed.
I'm missing,
But I won't be missed.
Still shaking
From what I fear.
I can't let you in,
So don't come near.
I guess you're right;
I'm way too thin,
And I'm fighting a battle
That I'll never win.
I have so many flaws;
I don't know where to start
From my messed up hair
To my messed up heart.
So what's the point
To continue to fight?
When my restless days
Turn into restless nights.
This life hasn't been fair.
I can finally tell
That nobody cares,
And it hurts like hell.
I still don't understand
What was God's cause?
Why did He put me on earth
With all of my flaws?
Was I born just to die?
Am I part of a plan?
Made to finally see
That I won't die an old man.
I don't know how to live.
I have nothing to gain,
And all I want from you
Is to end all my pain.
I'm losing sight
Of what I've already seen.
I'm losing my grip,
And I'm barely seventeen
Feb 4, 2017
Feb 4, 2017 at 10:54 PM UTC
I'm glad you're happy.
I guess it's what I deserve.
I can't change the fact
You make my heart swerve.
I had my chance,
I ******* it all over.
Threw away my only luck
Like a four leaf clover.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect,
I'm not saying I'm a nice guy,
But be mine once again.
Not only will I make it worth it,
But I'll ****** try.
You really don't understand,
You're worth more than a hundred grand.
I never wanted it to be like this.
It hurts because you're the one my heart will miss.
I can't take back the moment.
I can't make your happiness change.
Don't look at me now, I'm broken.
It's like I'm being shot at a shooting range.
Jan 6, 2017
Jan 6, 2017 at 7:12 AM UTC
Imagine yourself
Alone in your head
You're hanging, dangling
From a silver thread
Empty, alone
With the monsters within
Internally screaming
You just want to give in
Now imagine that's you
Every day, every hour
Forever sinking
Like a wilting flower
You try to tell your dad
And you try to tell your mom
But they say you're being silly
You've just got to move on
Because teens don't know sorrow
Nor the hardships of life
They're just kids with imaginations
Just looking for attention, right?
You think that there's none
Who know how you feel
You're just so alone
But the feelings- they're real
Useless
Neglected
Forgotten
Distressed
Alone
Afraid
But mostly
Depressed
And you're friends
They go on
Like nothing has changed
"They must not care"
Your thoughts whisper
The lies in your brain
You can't escape it
Trapped in your own skin
You're ugly
You're hated
But you mask it with a grin
You hate what you feel
So instead you feel nothing
Your insides are numb
Your confidence crumbling
You look to other things
To stop the pain
Cutting, pills
But it gives you no gain
And the people around you
Shout abuse your way
"You're hurting yourself, stop it!"
That's all they ever say
No matter how you plead
That you're broken inside
They turn the other way
They run, they hide
They say you're just foolish
It's all in your head
What they don't know, is inside
You're already dead
Nov 6, 2016
Nov 6, 2016 at 8:40 PM UTC
Memories in my life fade away
As I replace them with others.
They are forgotten and stored away.
Although the memories are pushed to the side,
They are safe so I may remember them in the future.
Our mind is like a book;
It writes down important things and keeps them between the pages forever.
Maybe our whole album of memories:
Our first steps, first love, first grief, and others
Were meant to be there for us to never forget.
Oct 19, 2016
Oct 19, 2016 at 12:33 AM UTC
Its like a plague that never goes away,
Or an animal and its prey,
It waits...
And waits...
And waits...until you're ready,
Then closes in and devours you...
From the inside out.
ALL you see is shadows of the ones you once knew,
No more happiness,
No more laughter,
No more love,
Its like a thunderstorm that blocks your soul.
Your soul becomes a black hole,
Whatever said, heard, or learned,
Is forgotten, never brought up again,
No longer does anything matter,
Its all darkness,
Like a plague that never goes away.
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016 at 8:31 PM UTC
Depression is oppression.
It's a deadly hidden message
Defined by self-hate.
It seals its prisoner's fate.
It holds you captive and throws out the key.
It stabs and jabs just to see you bleed,
Inflicting wounds that scar for life.
Destruction is its mother and death its wife.
You can cry, but it will always ignore your screams.
It terrorizes your soul and haunts your dreams.
It sends you false hope through a bottle or pill.
It destroys your goals and inflicts its will.
You can't run, nor can you hide.
By its rules you will abide
Until it celebrates that you have died.
Open your eyes, or you will be its prey.
It will blur your vision in the most twisted way.
It will seek your destruction and call for your head.
You will lie and wait but never rest in your bed.
Peace will come to those who want peace,
But as long as you feed him, you will see the beast.
You can't run, nor can you hide,
But if you conquer the beast, you will survive.
Prayer and hope can lead the way.
Cling on to every word you pray.
Hope is in truth.
Hate is in lies.
Pray for your soul and open your eyes.
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 9:58 PM UTC
She smiles, I cry.
She is outgoing, I am shy.
She loves, I am alone.
She is amazing, I am unknown.
She is beautiful, I am a mess.
She is happy, I am depressed.
My mask is perfect:
She hides me
Aug 3, 2016
Aug 3, 2016 at 9:33 PM UTC
Friends come and go
Life flies by right before your eyes.
You loose ones you love
Yet through it all you still love your life.
People leave you to fight alone
You put on a fake smile to hide all your pain
Yet someone still knows your hurt.
Through it all you still put on a front to satisfy those around you
Thorough it all you wouldn't change a thing
Through it all you wouldn't trade your life for fame.
You build a wall to try to keep from getting hurt
You lock up you heart and throw away the key to see who cares enough to look for the key
Through it all there's not many people that got you to open up yet still you love it all.
Struggles meet you in the face to watch you slip up
Yet through it all you wouldn't change a thing.
Through it all you wouldn't change a thing
Through it all you wouldn't trade your life for fame.
Aug 1, 2016
Aug 1, 2016 at 8:16 PM UTC
Depression is here everyday
And it never goes away
Go away! I yell into the dark
As if someone is there
I feel as if I'm a prisoner
In the dungeon's lair
And as always no one cares
Do I dare?
Dare to care about anyone but me?
Could it be,
Someone there?
Someone there to care?
No, just an image
That's the way it will always be
No matter how hard I try
I just want to get by
I go through life day by day,
I thought pain was supposed
To go away with time
But it's not
It's still here
Here with the fear
Fear that I will get hurt more
Jul 6, 2016
Jul 6, 2016 at 10:34 PM UTC