What can you do when your heart and your head are at war with each other? Each wants what is best for you but one is willing to do whatever it takes while the other wants to protect itself from the hurt it has felt before. Somedays your logic takes over, you overanalyze everything, every move you make calculated. Don't do anything unless it makes sense, fits the logistics of the future that you know guides you towards the most sensical path. Other days your emotion takes over, sends your spiraling down a trail that leads you into the thick of it, no matter the risk nor the reward. A consistent battle between the most powerful parts of you. Until the liquid courage passes over your lips, prying them open and unloading the burden of both your heart and head. Creating a scenario that leaves neither with a say over what is thought nor felt. The most raw thoughts and feelings pour out for better or worse. Unable to put them back from where they came, unsure whether or not you would even really want to. Occasionally a beautiful mess forms where lips, heart and head all want to shout the same message for everyone to hear. You know in the depths of your soul that you shouldn't, ultimately though it doesn't matter, the words burn bright and red hot inside of you. They spill out all over the paper crumpled from your shaky hands. Wet from the tears that fall from your eyes when you have nothing left to lose. Slowly filled up with everything you have to say. Forming in front of you, never meant to see the day of light. Maybe that's why they only appear at night when you're forced to be alone, wishing to be him. Wanting to be the man that gets to hold her as if everything is right in a world that leaves you feeling like everything is wrong. Unsure of the next step to take but knowing you want to take it even if it's straight off the edge of the cliff. What if it isn't though, what if that next step is the only thing preventing you from being the guy she thinks about when she sings? You're that close to being the guy she talks about in her stories. Does she actually know that when you walk into a room she's the only one you look for? In her heart, in her head, are you him? During those long nights will she be the one you hold tight while you smoke together breathing it in slowly? I'm dying inside to tell you what I think, what I feel, what my lips are aching to let you know. If only you were on the level I am tonight, maybe your lips would feel the same. Craving to tell me how you feel, good or bad, at least then I would know. No shadow of a doubt remaining. No more questions. No more curiosities and wondering. Straight forward, honest answers to everything I have thought and quarried since I first laid eyes upon you. You aren't the type to give into those inhibitions though. Certain things will remain the way they have been, never to alter or grow. The poison that I use to numb myself isn't something you have any interest in. Instead I am stuck asking myself if I could ever be him, or will I always just be the man wishing that together we could smoke slow.
Apr 29
Apr 29, 2026 at 10:49 PM UTC
Paint me as the villain. Let me be the one who steals you away from Mr. Right. All your friends will hate me yet you will have the most tantalizing attraction to me. I won't promise you it'll be a smooth ride, I can't promise you I won't lie. Lying is one of the things I'm best at, it has to be to be a successful bad guy. There will be fights, days we will hate each other, show each other that hatred with the way we love each other. I won't be your Prince Charming, honestly I have to imagine it gets tiring being a princess all the time. Take a walk on the wild side. There's a reason doing things that are wrong always feels so right. The adrenaline rush of knowing you could be caught and lose everything you treasure makes it that much more fun when you don't. It'll drive you to want it more and more. I'm not saying you should leave the one waiting for you at home. I'm not going to be there everytime you need someone like he is. However I will be there creeping into the back of your mind when you get bored doing the same thing as every other day with him. One text is all it takes I will arrive to pick you up, sure as hell won't be on a white horse or with some fancy carriage though. Climb on in and ride with someone who will make you feel alive for a while. Then once you get your fill go back to your daily life. Keep me on speed dial, I already know the more tastes of the evil life you get the more addicted you will become. Never turn the darkness into your dream. Do not think you have a home in the dark with me. You wouldn't make it here trust me. There's nothing wrong with visiting though. Come on princess let a villain show you what you're missing.
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 12:27 PM UTC
I'm selfish. Hell no I don't want you to be happy with him. I don't even want you to be thinking about him. The only guy I will ever truly want you thinking about is me. Sure I'm selfish for wanting you even though I'm not sure you ever even really wanted me in the first place. Looking back at the nights you asked me to stay but I said no because I didn't want it to happen that way. I didn't want you to be able to blame the alcohol for what happened. Those nights are some of my biggest regrets, all I had to do was say yes, stay with you, have a few more drinks, see what would occur. It could've been nothing, problem is it also could've been everything. All the feelings could've poured from your lips until yours met mine in a kiss that sparked wildfires. Walls and clothes could've been shed as we became one heart and one being for even a minute. Could've been the start of forever between us. The only forever I have ever actually planned on. It could've been nothing, maybe a few more drinks until we both just passed out on the couches, music still playing, dog still bouncing around looking to play. Wake up the next morning heads pounding feeling ***** for all the wrong reasons. Memories are all I have left of you. All these words I've spewed onto these pages. He has you though, in his arms, in his bed, in his heart. I'm selfish. It ****** me off that all I have to hold are the same bottles we held those nights. Not knowing if it would've been everything or nothing makes me hate myself more everyday I wake up alone. I don't care if it broke his heart, sent him in a downward spiral, dropped him into this pit I live in while I rose out of it. Give me one more of those nights. One last chance to make everything happen. Let me justify this selfishness by proving to me it wasn't only me who wanted all of it. Be selfish with me for a night, you could love it almost as much as I do. We could live together selfishly. Who needs him, not me and not you. I have you, you have me, we could live selfishly.
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 11:56 AM UTC
Does our song come on and make you think of the times we would dance with your head against my chest while you listened to my heart beating along to the words? He was talking about his crazy girl while I held mine. "Crazy girl don't you know that I love you?" I still do even all these years later. "Without you I'd lose my mind." I never realized just how true that lyric was until after those first few months were done and I found out just how truly gone you really were. When you feel the ***** cover your lips does it remind you of the taste of my kiss? You always wanted me to be more like you, to drown my depression and anxiety in the bottle, that was never my style I felt like I needed to deal with it on my own. Now any time my hand is empty I long for the cold of the glass, it's the only thing that replaces the warmth of your hand in mine. Those moments of ignorant bliss never believing it was only a matter of time until I dropped my straight edge lifestyle desperate for even a few seconds of quiet from my mind. I want to believe it when I tell myself I want you to be happy. Let's be real though knowing he is holding you while I'm a fleeting memory lost in the back of your mind kills me. Every beat of your heart now belongs to him, just like every one of my swigs from this bottle belongs to you. The burn just a reminder of the fire that once blazed between us. When the time comes and you're walking down that aisle will you think of me even a little bit? You will always be my crazy girl just like I promised you. It's a promise you've probably forgotten, for me though it's the only promise I've ever made that will never be broken.
Jun 16, 2018
Jun 16, 2018 at 12:48 AM UTC
People always say that time heals all wounds, give it a bit and the ones who you cry for today will be but a distant memory tomorrow. Sure that may be true for some, the ones who at the moment made you feel like your world was crumbling. You wake up one day and you feel a way you haven't in a long time. A smile sprouts and your heart once again warms. It always feels like the start of your life all over again, it's wonderful. Really though if someone was that easy to get over chances are they weren't one of the real ones. The real ones are a whole different tale. There is no restart to your life when they disappear. You simply get to keep living in the same old hell on earth. Everyday feeling like the one before, dreading the sunrise you once watched together. Something so beautiful bringing you so much pain is tragic. You spend your days just waiting for the darkness to again devour the sky the same way you feel it has your heart and mind. Smiles all have hints of fakeness, things you once loved leave a sour taste, just as the thought of their kiss does. The wounds will close but they're always seconds away from opening all over again. It's nice to think the scars that have been left will teach you to be smarter for the next time. They very rarely do, sometimes they simply make you want it again even worse than you did the first time. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is dangerous when those you are closest to like to run with scissors. Whether intentional or not chances are something is going to happen. Apologies will spew faster than your blood but none of them will help when you start to drown. You struggle to keep your head over. Things you have spent your life swearing against will become your best friends. Bottles and lighters grow to be your life lines one breath, one puff, one swig at a time. One day you will look in the mirror and all you will see is a stranger staring back but sure keep telling me time will heal all wounds.
Nov 4, 2017
Nov 4, 2017 at 11:37 PM UTC
You once told me I didn't wanna get too deep into your world, that it was too messed up and dark. At the time I just tucked back into my shell, buried my feelings back down, tried to move forward with life. All I want is you to be happy even if that means I have to just sit by and watch you go after all these guys who are no good for you. I want nothing more than to pull you close, hold you tight, make you feel like maybe for the first time in a long time everything is going to be alright. When you hit your lowest point I wanna be the one you turn to. Talk to me when you feel like there is no hope, confide in me in a way we would've when we were younger. I will do anything in my power to make you smile, it is far too pretty not to. Let me be the one you come to not only when you are on the edge but the one you think of first when you are happy, confused, excited, anything in between.
Nov 25, 2016
Nov 25, 2016 at 11:12 PM UTC
It's no secret to me that I was never exactly what they would call a Prince Charming to you. Nowhere near close to it actually. I never treated you the way you deserved to be, never put you first or ever really even second. I was always too afraid to let myself open up to you the way I should have. I guess I never really knew how much you had fallen for me at the time, a few times even literally. You were different than anyone I had ever been with, I think it even scared me how unique you were compared to the ones who came before you. I had no idea how to handle being with someone who at the time was so wild to me. The things I considered my biggest enemies you considered your closest friends. You have the beauty of the sky. At your darkest points to others you seem threatening, mysterious, unpredictable. I look at you when your storm is raging though I see a hidden innocence, inspiration, a still unmatched beauty. They see you at your brightest and think the dark is gone forever and it will be all sunny and good from here out. I know though that when it comes down to it another storm is always brewing down the road. They may run when the lightning strikes and your boom your thunder, all I want to do though is embrace you. Look past the bad of right now and anxiously await the passing into peace again. It is in those moments between hell and heaven that your truest levels of beauty shows. A level not many ever get to see because they could never hold on through the rain. We had only known each other a few months when we were together and as amazing as it was I think that could also be the reason it never worked. We were both too young and unknowing, no matter what we thought we knew. Years down the road when I look at you I still see all the good and bad I saw when we were younger but now it all seems worth it. I used to be one of the ones who were afraid of the darkest days, thinking when I found the real deal it would be all sunshine. I know better now though. Without the dark you could never appreciate just how bright the light is and **** is your light blinding.
Nov 25, 2016
Nov 25, 2016 at 11:03 PM UTC
You could be the one who saves me or you could be the one who finally tips me over the breaking point. Either way I wish you would snip that final thread holding me here and let me drop to my personal eternal abyss or catch me as I fall but don't leave me hanging here. Whatever you do do not try to let me down easy and save my feelings. I've had too many people try it and drag me around. I need you to be brutally honest. I have no doubts or wavering when it comes to how I feel about you but I feel like when it comes to how you feel I'm left clueless. You are an amazingly beautiful woman I would give anything for. Talking to you and having you in my life is all that had gotten me through the past few weeks. I will do whatever it takes and anything I can to make sure you get to smile and have happiness in your life. Even if it means I sacrifice my own for it. You give me the feeling that for once in my life i could have found someone who actually cares about me. Maybe someone really does want me to be happy. It's hard for me to even think of how I made it this far without you in my life. Just the days since we met I haven't gotten to talk to you have been some of the hardest days on me. As badly as I wish I could say I'm strong enough to do this on my own I know I'm not. When I'm talking to you though I feel add if I can be a good person for once. You bring out a side of me that wants to be better. Everytime I look into your eyes it motivates me to try and be the man you deserve. You deserve the absolute best and even though I would never claim to be anywhere near it I would do whatever in my power to be closer to it for you. I hate feeling like I did something to drive you away. You are the best thing I've had in my life for a very long time and I am infinitely grateful you ever appeared. I hope maybe I get to have a future with you but if not as long as you're happy that is what matters most to me.
Jun 13, 2016
Jun 13, 2016 at 12:48 PM UTC
I miss you. It's not necessarily a physical miss. I miss you being the one I could text just to talk about all the little things going wrong with my day. The texts just to say good morning because you had me figured out. The random pictures just to make me smile and the adorable little things you would do. You made me feel like I could be a better person. Gave me a motivation no one else ever was able to. For the first time I almost believe I could be happy. Maybe even that I deserve to be happy. It's strange I really believed you cared about me. You showed more than any one else that you wanted what was best for me. Everything feels different now though. It feels like you have completely pulled out of my life. It has left a void in my day. When I would normally be telling you all about everything now I just sit and stare at a wall waiting until you decide I'm worth talking to again. It feels like forever since the last time you messaged me first. Maybe I should just take the hint and try to move forward in my life but honestly I just don't wanna move on in my life without you here. You told me you would never disappear but when you decide I'm too much of a hindrance to talk to everyday that is all it really feels like anymore.
May 30, 2016
May 30, 2016 at 2:31 PM UTC
You are unlike anyone I have known through out my life. You have a care and compassion for others that goes beyond yourself and that is just so rare these days. You aren't just one of the people who say they will be there, you back it up every time I start to slip back into my old ways. I've been fighting with my head and my heart for so many years constantly wondering if I will ever find happiness. Love turned from something of beauty to one of the most painful things I know. So much heartache and brokenness filled my life from the ones who claimed to love me. I reached a low that had only been hit once or twice in my life and it scared the hell out of me. Then all of the sudden I got a message from you and I thought it would be another day long conversation before it died out like the rest. The one day slowly turned into a week of getting to know each other. I thought you were pretty cool and could fit in with our little group. Sure you had a pretty face and were without a doubt cute but I never thought there would be any feelings developed. Then it evolved into a month of revealing parts of us we kept locked up from others. In a way it feels like I have known you forever so it is strange that it has been such a short time in reality. Now my favorite thing about waking up is getting to read your good mornings or finding your surprise picture you sent me while I was still passed out from the night before. I started to notice how beautiful your eyes were and how even when you are in the midst of a breakdown you still have a shine to them that makes me want to stare into them. Sure you have an absolutely stunning body, there is no doubt you are physically as attractive as they come but you also have a personality that gives me hope. Hope is something I have never been big on. I've never wanted to waste my time just sitting back and waiting for things to maybe happen but for you I have all the time in the world just to sit and listen to you. Whether it be the good or the bad or the tmi as you like to call it. I learn more about you every day I get the privilege to talk to you. The more I learn the more things I find about you that I adore. You look at yourself and you see all the things you consider to be problems, I look at you and I see all the things that make you who you are, the things that make you unlike all those other people who just fade in and out of my life. You brought back a spark in me that has revived my writing, that is something that is so rare. Especially for it to cause me to be able to pump out so many pieces in so short of a time. I am so thankful to you for that. It makes me remember why I started to write in the first place, to get out all of the things I keep bottled so deep within myself sometimes even I forgot they were there. Talking to you it makes me feel like I can actually amount to something one day, whether it be as a writer or as something I haven't even considered yet. You make me want to be better, to be the best that I possibly can. That incredible smile of yours, real, faked or in between, it just makes me want to prevent it from ever leaving your lips. I want to do anything I can to make sure you get to show off that amazing smile. It can brighten up the darkest days and honestly it makes me just want to kiss you. You have opened up to me in a way not many people ever have. You don't just say that you trust me or that you care, you prove it. Looking through my past I have so many things that i regret. Wish I could go back and change, make better, prevent from ever happening to begin with. For one of the first times in my life though when I look at my future it doesn't look totally gloom to me because I know you will be there.
May 4, 2016
May 4, 2016 at 12:44 AM UTC