jokent - Hello Poetry

I read a vogue magazine once I wanted to be more mature I wanted to be a child again I was bored of how I looked I was called 'fat' once I needed more control over myself I needed someone to look after me I wanted to deny myself a basic human need I was in so much pain that I needed more I lost weight and I couldn't stop I found something I was good at I ran out of ways to destroy myself

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Apr 27, 2015

Apr 27, 2015 at 12:44 PM UTC

jokent

Why Do I Have An Eating Disorder?

I read a vogue magazine once I wanted to be more mature I wanted to be a child again I was bored of how I looked I was called 'fat' once I needed more control over myself I needed someone to look after me I wanted to deny myself a basic human need I was in so much pain that I needed more I lost weight and I couldn't stop I found something I was good at I ran out of ways to destroy myself

12

I'm coughing up dust on the kitchen floor. Of all the ways I could **** myself in this room, I chose to think of you. I compare myself to nothingness but that's an insult to the universe. My internal organs are shutting down one by one, as if even my biology has given up now. I emptied myself, hoping I could empty you from my blood, stop you from stabbing me in the heart with every cardiac cycle. But still you remain, the perpetual smell of loneliness that haunts me, I've bled away everything but you. I tried to forget you, I really did. I dyed my hair purple and bought some new clothes. I spoke to friends I hadn't seen in years and I kissed a boy who used to love me. I ran away and took too much medication. I stopped eating and stopped sleeping and drove myself to insanity in an attempt to stop seeing you everywhere. But you stained my mind and no amount of self destruction can remove you. I'm coughing up dust, hoping to cough up my life, praying to cough up you.

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Apr 27, 2015

Apr 27, 2015 at 12:40 PM UTC

jokent

Coughing Up Dust

I'm coughing up dust on the kitchen floor. Of all the ways I could **** myself in this room, I chose to think of you. I compare myself to nothingness but that's an insult to the universe. My internal organs are shutting down one by one, as if even my biology has given up now. I emptied myself, hoping I could empty you from my blood, stop you from stabbing me in the heart with every cardiac cycle. But still you remain, the perpetual smell of loneliness that haunts me, I've bled away everything but you. I tried to forget you, I really did. I dyed my hair purple and bought some new clothes. I spoke to friends I hadn't seen in years and I kissed a boy who used to love me. I ran away and took too much medication. I stopped eating and stopped sleeping and drove myself to insanity in an attempt to stop seeing you everywhere. But you stained my mind and no amount of self destruction can remove you. I'm coughing up dust, hoping to cough up my life, praying to cough up you.

7

I would sleep and eternity if that meant I could live forever with you It burns a vast hole in my chest waking in solitude I've choked on the words I've never said And drowned in the thoughts I've never shared Your name tastes sweet in my mouth But when I am alone words taste as dust You breathed life into my lungs and made me new I broke my own heart when I fell for you When I close my eyes you're all I can see I'm knocking on your door and I'll come in if you let me

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Oct 19, 2014

Oct 19, 2014 at 4:36 PM UTC

jokent

I'm knocking on your door

I would sleep and eternity if that meant I could live forever with you It burns a vast hole in my chest waking in solitude I've choked on the words I've never said And drowned in the thoughts I've never shared Your name tastes sweet in my mouth But when I am alone words taste as dust You breathed life into my lungs and made me new I broke my own heart when I fell for you When I close my eyes you're all I can see I'm knocking on your door and I'll come in if you let me

10

It will end badly I know it will I know it will I know it will I know it will.

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Sep 19, 2014

Sep 19, 2014 at 6:06 AM UTC

jokent

It Will End Badly

It will end badly I know it will I know it will I know it will I know it will.

5

Hide behind your mask Never let them in Don't let them see past your smiles To the darkness that lies within Don't let them find your heart Keep up your façade Disguise yourself Hide yourself Stay forever locked away Don't let them know about us.

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Sep 18, 2014

Sep 18, 2014 at 9:57 AM UTC

jokent

Mask

Hide behind your mask Never let them in Don't let them see past your smiles To the darkness that lies within Don't let them find your heart Keep up your façade Disguise yourself Hide yourself Stay forever locked away Don't let them know about us.

10

1. You 2. Monsters under the bed 3. Being alone in the dark 4. Spiders 5. I have to be medicated to appear even remotely ordinary 6. Being followed 7. Tiny holes in leaves 8. Feeling calories go down my throat 9. Strong men and greasy boys 10. You

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Sep 18, 2014

Sep 18, 2014 at 9:39 AM UTC

jokent

10 Things That Scare Me

1. You 2. Monsters under the bed 3. Being alone in the dark 4. Spiders 5. I have to be medicated to appear even remotely ordinary 6. Being followed 7. Tiny holes in leaves 8. Feeling calories go down my throat 9. Strong men and greasy boys 10. You

11

We are alike, you and I My dear We never had much hope, did we? The others Never quite understood What it was we were What we had, in fact, become But through all that sadness All that emptiness and darkness Nobody could see what you saw And you saw such horror For us, death was a dream An unbroken promise A secret only we could know All the bloodshed and battles Both won and lost They didn’t matter anymore We had found the key that fit the lock One twist and we were free An open door To reveal what we were all waiting for O but my dear You never knew And so you never will You passed through that door Before I could stop you Before anyone could And for so long I have craved to follow To pass through that door Like you had done before I could

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Sep 17, 2014

Sep 17, 2014 at 5:57 PM UTC

jokent

A Letter To A.

We are alike, you and I My dear We never had much hope, did we? The others Never quite understood What it was we were What we had, in fact, become But through all that sadness All that emptiness and darkness Nobody could see what you saw And you saw such horror For us, death was a dream An unbroken promise A secret only we could know All the bloodshed and battles Both won and lost They didn’t matter anymore We had found the key that fit the lock One twist and we were free An open door To reveal what we were all waiting for O but my dear You never knew And so you never will You passed through that door Before I could stop you Before anyone could And for so long I have craved to follow To pass through that door Like you had done before I could

30

*I was once human Now I'm just lonely and sad Leave me here to rot*

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Sep 17, 2014

Sep 17, 2014 at 4:08 PM UTC

jokent

Sorrow's Haiku

*I was once human Now I'm just lonely and sad Leave me here to rot*

3

There is a decision to be made. The very core of your fragile existence looks to this question that has haunted you for years and now scratched its way through your membranes, towards your muffled heart and taken over. The very thought is indigestible to the human stomach, a permanent thud against the lining, sickening, even to yourself. Suicide. It seems simple enough; it is almost fitting to be killed by the hand that loathes you most. But it is your decision and it needs to be made. There is a red translucent light, paralysed by amniotic fluid, is this the destiny of that lonely child? When will my voice undulate through your bones and whisper those three words you need to hear? You may have blocked the waves with your castle wall but I will keep fighting to free you from the tower you locked yourself in, until I am devoid. Please stay with me.

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Sep 17, 2014

Sep 17, 2014 at 12:12 PM UTC

jokent

I Know How You Feel

There is a decision to be made. The very core of your fragile existence looks to this question that has haunted you for years and now scratched its way through your membranes, towards your muffled heart and taken over. The very thought is indigestible to the human stomach, a permanent thud against the lining, sickening, even to yourself. Suicide. It seems simple enough; it is almost fitting to be killed by the hand that loathes you most. But it is your decision and it needs to be made. There is a red translucent light, paralysed by amniotic fluid, is this the destiny of that lonely child? When will my voice undulate through your bones and whisper those three words you need to hear? You may have blocked the waves with your castle wall but I will keep fighting to free you from the tower you locked yourself in, until I am devoid. Please stay with me.

7

It feels like my heart is absent and all that is left is this heavy emptiness It hurts more than any pain that could be inflicted on my external self Like I'm trapped, enclosed, and the world outside is racing past But I can't touch it, there's nothing there. They say time heals all wounds but it does nothing to stop this aching darkness inside me.

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Sep 17, 2014

Sep 17, 2014 at 11:55 AM UTC

jokent

Dissociation I

It feels like my heart is absent and all that is left is this heavy emptiness It hurts more than any pain that could be inflicted on my external self Like I'm trapped, enclosed, and the world outside is racing past But I can't touch it, there's nothing there. They say time heals all wounds but it does nothing to stop this aching darkness inside me.

6