johnson-hagood
I fell into the world one summer night in the deep south and stuck around for 18 years. My parents showed me beauty wherever we went, and taught me the words to express it. Now I go to a school in Texas where I'm learning how the world works; specifically human brains.
*"who scribbled all night rocking and rolling over lofty
incantations which in the yellow morning were
stanzas of gibberish,"*
--Allen Ginsberg, "Howl"
I scream into the night
or perhaps I
howl, knowing nothing save
that I am, because I feel
which is, ignoring philosophies
of nothingness, enough for me
I am, scientist, poet, eater,
drinker, knower, lover
thinker
thinking
not knowing, but
believing
in laughter, a curse because
it is strong, sounds corrupt
as it curls away from my bitter tongue
like the smoke from a fire
that burned uncontrollably
through the night and in the morning
we awoke to the ash
consuming poison knowing
hoping that we may see
what our healthy, clear minds cannot
a world in which we comfortably
belong, can say “home”
and mean it wherever we stand
from your house at R’lyeh, in
your tomb forever ensconceed
your laughter echoes and sours
the night which I call home
a gentle scorn upon my past
apocolyptic loves
destroying (or *******
reason and care
the sober-now mind
completes the thoughts
of my past abstractions
calling me ever back
to the nights in which I was built
Oct 26, 2010
Oct 26, 2010 at 11:47 PM UTC
the air is cold
with the bitter
taste of chalk
and smoky smell
of chilled atmosphere
harsh Winter’s grip
not yet relinquished
your breath, defiant,
rushes into the world
nature’s still majesty
interrupted by clouds
the warmth of you
mocks the cold
of the sunless afternoon
I gaze into eyes that
rival the beauty
of the frigid blue sky
and my cheeks redden
with the sincerity
of my love for you
and death’s jealousy
is evident through
his vicious attacks
against
your body may break
but your soul is strong
and his power has no strength
against the Life within you
Sep 21, 2010
Sep 21, 2010 at 6:13 PM UTC
the shadow of the mountain grows long
and the image of a wave transfixed
holds my mind’s eye enthralled
the sweeping majesty of where nothing is
reminds me where I can find the truth
is not in the lights and sounds and tall
but in the small and quiet and hard to see
wilderness, the last frontier of silence
because even in space the song of the stars
keeps atoms company, but here, each
living creature must live in silence
live with the fear of hearing themselves
naked, without the clothing of others
without the mask of screaming cities
without the refuge of music and conversation
the days are hot and the nights take their revenge
but all is calm here, not even the rain
dares disturb the silence and grandeur
of the desert.
Sep 20, 2010
Sep 20, 2010 at 5:52 PM UTC
push
hard
and fast and
the tiny drop of
nausea in the pit
of my stomach
as I close my eyes
the world spins around
me, and I stay
still
completely unmoved
by my surroundings
completely without
emotion, lifeless
for a moment
and as the world
rushes back into me
like a cold wind
the familiar shiver
descends my spine
and the awe
of being
overwhelms me
again.
Sep 20, 2010
Sep 20, 2010 at 5:49 PM UTC
the idea of you
floats across my mind
like a dust mote
on a sunny day
drifting through the air
carelessly
unhurried
and every time I grasp for it
it swirls just out of reach
and this vision taunts me
your face hovering
so close, but infinitely
unreachable
because you, my love,
aren’t here
Sep 20, 2010
Sep 20, 2010 at 5:46 PM UTC
this page won’t coöperate
when I try to tell it
what it was like to sit
on the edge of such a vast abyss
with you by my side
talking, listening
I don’t think this ink can know
what it meant to me
every time I made you smile
when I lift my fingers from the keyboard
it so quickly forgets all the words
I’ve caressed into being in so many poems
this chunk of metal holds so many memories
so much of my life
the steel in my blood crying out
for the raw magnetism of the ocean
and the beauty of a pale moon on a warm horizon
and we sat together in the midst of a cloud
uncertainty and excitement made me shiver
but then there was you next to me
and I shivered a little bit less
we almost held hands for a moment
just as we got back to my car
the waves called my name
and you ran along with me
speaking to the ocean,
an old friend with many secrets,
I wanted to turn to you
to feel your face so close to mine
I wanted to gaze into your eyes
and speak your beauty
with a million tongues
I wanted to kiss you
and take your hand
but I was afraid
Sep 15, 2010
Sep 15, 2010 at 2:28 PM UTC
I, as in a dream
saw destruction fall
on cities, on homes,
spreading out across the waters
and I choked with fear
at the destruction of worlds
as death spread out
over the waves
I was surprised to find
that the water was not,
as I had imagined,
that of the ocean,
but only my tub
filled with water
ripples from a leaky faucet
heralding the ends of the earth
Sep 15, 2010
Sep 15, 2010 at 12:38 PM UTC
and I sang goodbye
beneath a blood red sun
and whistled farewell
to empty halls
cicadas buzzed
goodnight
and for a moment
all was not well
but it passed
like all things under the sun
as I turned away.
Sep 15, 2010
Sep 15, 2010 at 10:18 AM UTC
I know it sounds silly
but you should know
that when I can’t bring myself
to look you in the eyes
it’s only because
I’m afraid I might kiss you
but you mean so very much more
than the fact that you’re beautiful
you’re worth so much beyond
me sitting with you on this beach
rubbing your back, keeping you warm
you deserve more than these five days
I breathed deeply when we were talking
trying to take as much of the night air
my brain working double time to hold me in place
I wanted to turn to you and ask you to run with me
how far would we get, before we turned back?
before my petty fears overtook us
before the tide became too strong
I want to have strength
yet you smile, and I am weakened
you move close to me
and my defenses fall in an instant
I could just wander around
for hours or days
lost in your eyes
dreaming
wishing
but I can’t
I’m leaving
so soon
don’t read this last verse
because you told me not to be afraid
but I’m afraid that I’ll never know
what could have been
if only there was time.
Sep 14, 2010
Sep 14, 2010 at 9:04 PM UTC
the hardest part
of waking up
without you
is not the cold
nor the emptiness
or the absence
of your angelic scent
it’s just that
the simple knowledge
that two thousand miles
is actually enough
to pull my hands from
your skin, and separate
my lips from yours
is difficult to endure
missing you isn’t so bad
it’s not coming back to you
that keeps me hurting
when I hear your voice
and my heart leaps, in vain
I think you visited me
in my dreams, because
when I woke I found
your scent in the air,
the familiarity of it
stinging my nostrils
and eyes.
Sep 14, 2010
Sep 14, 2010 at 8:03 PM UTC