It was so long ago
Six years can come and go
I wonder if I can still say,
“Hate to say I told you so.”
Now I’ve fallen so low
I wonder if it still applies
How evil you were in my eyes...
The wickedness of your lies...
You had made promises, but they weren’t kept
Yet you maintained all your self-respect
When forgave all the wrong you had done
You never offered any real apology
You replied instead,
“Girls just want to have fun.”
...Shallow you were
...Shameless you remain
And I can't live my life that way
This aged memory
Serves to remind me
That people we really love
Should not be enjoyed selfishly
You didn't comfort me during my sorrows
Didn't help keep our relationship stable
Like a sponge, you laid passively
Absorbing the good I offered selflessly
Others may squeeze to get something from you
But that is just something I cannot do.
You chose to live a loveless life
How could you have made a good wife?
But a life of holding yourself dear
Is the kind which I must always fear
May 21, 2021
May 21, 2021 at 10:22 PM UTC
I'm a man of a thousand hardships
Experiencing pain is nothing new
Often due to the hands of others
All the **** they've put me through
But I've made good some goals despite it
Dodged the paths of unchanging misery
Even now things are looking brighter
And yet I still feel something obstructing
It was mostly you before
But now, maybe it's me
And my recent refusal
To take responsibility
Maybe it's just me
Causing my own agony
Problems won't solve themselves
I need to get up
I could spend a thousand hours judging you
And the pointless pain you put me through
But I have legs that can still move
And I can walk out of I'm willing to choose
So maybe it's mainly me
I haven't taken responsibility
Unwittingly added to my agony
And shaped my own dark destiny
So if it's now just on me
If I can admit to my faults
And say to my old ways, "No".
Some of my problems may just go
Apr 28, 2020
Apr 28, 2020 at 10:16 PM UTC
When I needed your help
You left me here, alone
And I was left to wither
In sickly wretchedness
The body’s not working
Yet the mind keeps racing
So sleep’s not coming
And you won’t, either
So I lie on my bed
Just me and a bible
While I’m left to wonder
How much I can endure
I'm stuck here alone
In a forced freedom
Shut in and forlorn
I thought I would have you
If I really needed it
But today you couldn’t
(Your own **** to go through)
And in such helplessness
It makes me wonder
If I’ve become a child
Without a mother
Very late in the night
I prayed to that father,
"Just let me fall asleep!"
(And to be just, I did)
I embraced a dark dream
A past and present lust
And soon woke in fatigue
With my life in the dust
During our toughest days
Don’t we need someone
To keep us from Hades?
But all I have is a God
(And all my fleshly pain)
Yet that's my only means
To keep this mind sane
I’m left to wonder
In a tired, troubled state
If I’ll get through it
(Don't want it to be too late)
I lift up my head
And prop it on a pillow
While staring at my bible
On a half-empty bed
Apr 9, 2020
Apr 9, 2020 at 6:57 PM UTC
As I was walking outside
Wrapped in a thick, black jacket
I was beckoned by the park
It was shining a sparkling white
Despite the darkness of the night
I stepped in and I could feel
Powder-soft snow under my feet
I reached down to grip its gentleness
But as I held it in my hand
It burned my skin like hot sand
From above, a few flakes fell
Brightening the sky like little lamps
And soon, they lit everywhere
Until its delightful density
Formed a bright-bounded screen
As the snow crept inside me
I shook uncomfortably
And longed for my lone home
“In there it's clear and dry
Out here I shouldn't roam.”
Soon after I arrived at home
The snowfall ceased
Its veil fell to the ground
No light was around me
Just a white monotony
I shook and felt the cold
Inside me
Mar 26, 2020
Mar 26, 2020 at 1:41 AM UTC