Missing you has created this emptiness
Liked a hunger unsatisfied it cry’s out
Do I love you? The answer’s yes
Yet I’m paralyzed from fear and doubt
There’s strength and power in this heart of mine
A heart that beats strong and proud
Am I Infatuated or is this real
Second guessing is not allowed
I’m scared I’ll lose you if I wait too long
A price I’m not ready to pay
But then again, what if I’m wrong
I know hurting us both is not OK
There’s so much I want to tell you
Things I must say
It seems so unfair
Do you feel the same way?
I’ve searched my heart
And waited so long
I want to take a chance
But I think it would be wrong
I want to remove things
That are keeping us apart
Although I’m not sure
Just where to start
I don’t have much time
Because my kidney’s are bad
It’s my biggest obstacle
And I’ll just make you sad
I know that you say
It’s going to be fine
But they said ten years
And it’s already been nine
But I want you to know
My love is for real
I’m so thankful for you
You’re the last love I’ll feel
I’m lucky to have you
And the love that you share
I want you to know
Just how much I care
I hope you understand
I hope that you see
That this the way
That it has to be
Please don’t be sad
I don’t want to hurt you
It’s the right thing to do
And I feel that I have to
It ****** me off
All the things that it’s taken
This kidney disease
Has left me forsaken
I know you’ll be there
Right to the end
I love you and you know that
You are my best friend.
Sep 18, 2015
Sep 18, 2015 at 2:00 PM UTC
People have changed it seems
Allot over the years
Were smarter, stronger
But Godless, without fear
Right and wrong is all fuzzy
That baby's dead who was he
He was a choice made in haste
Now it's just medical waste
Might have grown up
To save us all one day
I hope that wasn't him
But who's to say
They make what's wrong seem right
There's more darkness now than light
If you don't agree with what they say
Get ready for a fight
Believing in what's right
Has become the crime
And it's getting worse
All the time
Tolerance they say
It's what they make us do
If you won't agree
Then it's the ACLU for you
There's no brotherhood of man
Where you could get a helping hand
We used to look out for one another
Everybody was your brother
They say Peace! Peace
But there is no peace
There’s no peace without love
And no love without God above
Tell me, where's the love
I don't know, I cant tell you
I don't feel it anymore
Sep 16, 2015
Sep 16, 2015 at 12:03 PM UTC
Loneliness Fills the air inside
My lungs fill with despair
This place inside I have created
Not of my own doing but a by-product
it has a taste like rusty metal
When I leave it goes with me
It has become a part of me
I am comfortable with it now
It is now my only friend
I have forgotten how to be around others
My friend likes it that way
And loneliness keeps me that way
Making me feel safe it deceives me
There are time I embrace it and breath it in
Other times I try to hide from it
But I cant escape it
Every time I take a breath it's there
Waiting, calling out to me like a lover
I have forgotten who I am
I think I have become something else all together
I cry out to God "Free me from this curse!"
I don't want to feel this, But no response
Lord! Lord! take me! I cry
Even if I have to suffer I will
Just to be free from it I would do anything
The taste I cant get rid of the taste
The bile rises in me and it's getting harder to eat
Food has no flavor anymore
I cant remember the last time I've taken any
I am poured out like water
Wasting away in my own private hell
My soul want's to escape this sinful flesh
I no longer see the world as I did
My world that I see is black and empty
like the night only it doesn't renew itself
Time is running out yet I'm not afraid
I am ready for it It ends here
I'm the last of my kind
It's over now there is emptiness
Sep 16, 2015
Sep 16, 2015 at 12:01 PM UTC
If you'll listen, I'll tell you a story
Of a life of pain and trouble
I had to learn things the hard way
sometimes, some things over and over
It was the worst feeling I ever had
couldn’t say what I was feeling
Couldn't conceive it, couldn't believe it
No understanding could I find
It was all mental fornication
They were destroying their creation
Why couldn't they stop to see
What they were doing to me
Now I do the best I can
Taught myself to be a man
Loneliness comes and goes
My scars will never heal
Never reached my full potential
I'll never know what could have been
All I feel is defeated
I feel like I was cheated
It's Gods plan now I see
This is how it has to be
I'm the one who suffers without you
I'll be fine someday
But now my heart is void and black
I lost a piece I can't get back
And now it feels like it's just over
Yes it's over for me
My thoughts are cluttered
With all these memories
Like pieces of fire
They burn me inside
I'm swallowed up by all my failures
There's no time left to do it all again
All my reasons have become excuses
Don’t have any left because I used them all
No point in dreaming I'm just to tired
It's time to put away such silly things
Nothing's changed that much for me
Why can't they just let me be
I no longer care about it
Or do I?
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 2:52 PM UTC
Look at him twitching
You know he's tweaking
His jaw swinging back and forth
But there's no speaking
See's something down
In the carpet twinkling
He gets all excited
You know what he's thinking
Anything he finds
He's going to be smoking
I wouldn't be laughing
Because he ain't joking
Down there for hours
Refusing to fail
Doesn't even slow down
After smoking toenail
Smokes up almost
All that he finds
He hears a noise
Now he's peeking through the blinds
He's been smoking too long
And he's up all night
Doesn't have a job
But that's alright
He's finds a dumpster
And without any warning
He's dives in searching
Til the early morning
That's just the life
Of a tweaker you see
Always out hustling
To get his **** for free
If you see him at night
Approach with caution
He's got a stink about him
Because ain't been washing
Picking at his face
Til his sores are bleeding
A light and a mirror
Is all he's needing
He finally got busted
Now he's on parole
Has to hide his drugs
Up in his ********
It's a shame, but that's the way
A tweaker gets by in the world today
His family don't want him
And he don't have many friends
His life is cut short
And that's how it ends
Everybody knows him
But no one knows his name
They just refer to him
As "That dope smoking Lame"
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 2:42 PM UTC
The morning is quiet and the lake is like glass
The sun is out the wind gone at last
I love the early part of the day
Just listening to nature with nothing to say
Nature speaks to me in a beautiful song
I wish it could stay like this all day long
But soon it's time for toil and confusion
As the world comes alive and man's intrusion
There's things to do, and work to be done
Children squealing as they play in the sun
Then evening comes and the sun's almost gone
I listen to the night until the sun brings the dawn
I love living here next to the lake
Always thankful for the memories I take
To me, it doesn't get any better than this
I find peace and serenity in my morning bliss
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 12:05 PM UTC
Have you ever just wanted to see?
Into the vastness of your mind?
Getting lost inside your self
The way out is hard to find
Lucidity and focus
Are sharpened by the ****
It allows my mind to open
As I smoke and write this song
Now I don’t get all worked up,
About life and all that ****
I just load another **** hit,
And roast that ******* ****
I hold it in until it feels
As if my lungs are going to burst.
I start craving “Little Debbie’s”
But I’ve got to get some first.
I don’t like to drink, that much
But I love to smoke some grass.
It’s not your job to judge me,
But feel free to kiss my ***
There’s no point in denying
Because we all know it’s true
There’s always that one who talks ****
No matter what you do
So what’s the point of living?
If you can’t have any fun
I don’t make the rules, I break them
And that’s just how it’s done
Doesn’t anyone remember?
How to love and to forgive?
Accept me, for who I am,
And quit telling me how to live.
Is there someone there to share in?
You’re suffering and your guilt?
Or are they just there to destroy
All that you have built
Turn your head and look the other way.
Mind your business, but beware.
Think about me what you will
Because I really just don’t care
I’m the king of my castle
And all that I can see
Just me and my dog Chica
Living large and living free.
I’m sorry if you’re offended
By my arrogance and wit.
There are things you will understand
And allot you just won’t get.
Now there’s one thing to remember.
And you should always try to do.
Realize who you’re ******* with
And that I’m allot smarter than you.
Come on now I’m just kidding.
I think this **** is funny.
I’m going to put it on the internet
And try to make some money
I have one last thing to tell you
And I almost forgot
If you come around here
You better bring some ***
Now if you’re out of ****
This is what you can do
Bring some “Little Debbie’s”
But bring enough for two.
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 12:04 PM UTC
He's just a young boy
He doesn't understand
Why his family's driving off
With some other scary man
The boy sees his father
With his heart broken bad
As they're driving away
And it makes him feel sad
That was the day
Everything changed
And he was scared
His little life rearranged
Just four years old
With no one to protect him
They didn't seem to care
how it would one day affect him
The abuse happened right away
And it only got worse
He was terrified and broken
And it felt like a curse
Nobody seemed to care
At least it felt that way
And for the rest of his life
There'd be a price to pay
They broke his spirit
His body and his heart
Not caring enough to see
That they were tearing him apart
He started acting out
In the usual way
Hurting himself
By trying to make them pay
They told him he was worthless
What a thing to say
They said it was his fault
That he was born that way
And he believed it
Even though it wasn't true
He was too young
To be washed up and through
Now he's empty and alone
His heart has turned black
There's nothing he can do
To get his childhood back
Got into drugs early
And they consumed him fast
Found a way to feel good
And forget the past
Got so loaded
That he didn't have to feel
Thought he won the war inside
But the victory wasn't real
Was sentenced to prison
But that was OK
He had no value
To anyone anyway
Somehow he did it
And he managed to get clean
Found he had a genetic disease
Has to live on a machine
He's a lot older now
and his health is bad
Has a kidney disease
He got from his Dad
What a tragedy it is
To feel the end is near
To not care about a life
That was swallowed up by fear
Now nothing feels right
To him it all feels odd
It feels like he's worthless
Even to God
Sep 9, 2015
Sep 9, 2015 at 12:02 PM UTC