If I am to die, tell the world a lie on my last day.
Tell them I was gentle, good.
Tell the world that I cared, that I loved without conditions.
Tell the world that I always spoke my mind, that I was fair and kind.
Tell the world I believed in goodness, that I had hope for all the lost causes.
Tell the world I was bright, like a falling star that crashes down from the Heavens.
If I am to die, do not tell the world the truth about me.
Do not speak of my bitterness.
The hatred wrapped under my skin, that put me in an early grave.
Do not speak of the three am desperation when I wanted the world to end.
Do not speak of the broken hearts, broken bones, broken dreams.
Do not speak of all the blood spilled, time lost on stupid petty pointless things.
Do not speak of how I raged and raged and wore myself thin over people that never cared.
If I am to die at my own hand,
Tell the world that I was always hopeful.
Tell the world a lie, so I may be beautiful in death, even if I was not in life.
Tell the world that I will be missed, even if the world is so loud it will not notice one more quiet voice slip away.
Tell the world that someone loved me.
Do not tell the world that I died because the world did not care.
If I am to die, do not write the truth on my headstone, for it is such an ugly thing.
Aug 24, 2017
Aug 24, 2017 at 1:13 PM UTC
You scrape along the space between my eyes
A maelstrom in my brain
Fury that beats against my throat
All these words that drip with hate
Trapped under my fingertips
I want to let them out
In one stream of hate
That will blacken the world around me
And turn you shades of purple and blue
I hate you
With your smile that makes angels sing
But your hands make them scream
You scratch at my nerve endings
A supernova of feelings running up my spine
I am lightning
Painted vivid across the sky
You seem to be the thunder that follows me
Heavy and unforgettable
You take my breath away
A permanent necklace of fingerprints around my neck
But I rip your heart out
You just stand there and let me
We have an understanding
We destroy each other
In the most beautiful of ways
Sin shining through paper like skin
How long has it been
Since I have prayed?
It's like you stole the air from my lungs
We walk the way devils do
So full of pride
We tattoo onto our skin
So filled with a bitterness because we can't have love
Greedy lips that sip on the leftover of hope
Just to lose in within ourselves
It's like I will never be able to let you go
A reflection of myself
That I fell in love with
Before I knew you were the starburst of pain beneath my skin
Before this is went wrong
Before.
Feb 4, 2017
Feb 4, 2017 at 7:28 PM UTC
You are the name, trapped between my liars lips
You are the sensation of scars
Bumpy under my fingertips
You are the memory of a dream
Faded and out of focus
You are the noose of reality around my neck
Choking me
You are the fire in my icy shell
Cracking my shelter
You are the monster under my bed
Pulling me into a nightmarish helter skelter
But I
I am the flame
The spark
The memory of all those twisted things in the dark
I am the calm of the storm
But the eye of the hurricane
And I loved you and I loved you
I painted it for all the world to see
With blood from my thighs
And tears from my eyes
But you weren't looking at me
Dec 16, 2016
Dec 16, 2016 at 6:44 PM UTC
Leave me alone with my thoughts
So I can twist myself into the perfect doll girl
Smile
And pretend it's lipstick on my teeth and not blood
And yes Doctor I ate this morning
(I hate myself for it)
And no Doctor I haven't being doing the
badnastywrong
Laugh
And laugh
So no one can see last nights dinner bloating me
Turning me into a grotesque monster
Laugh so hard my belly aches
Enable me to hate myself more
Lie about me
Lie to me
Say that you love me
So it's easier to fool me
I just have to be thinner
Skip breakfast, lunch and dinner
Smirk through the tears because soon I'll be the perfect size
I can see my ribs
My spine
Battered body that I call mine
That's betraying me
And making me the opposite
I want to be the Princess, not the Witch
Instead I'm turning into a stone cold *****
That can't walk
And can't stand
I'm drowning in my own quicksand.
Dec 10, 2016
Dec 10, 2016 at 5:45 PM UTC
I begin as porcelain
Soul filled with something foul
I open my mouth and the Devil pours out
I turn to ashes
And drown in the rain
Diluted and weak
I will not burn again
I become ivory
Rare and hunted
Once again, my life is stunted
I am reborn as flame
I bring destruction
Still I am weak
So chaotic I cannot function
I am left as marble
Cold and sharp
Still so many hammer blows
Will breaks apart the marble shard heart
So I build myself from what I once was
Now I wrap silver around my heart
And work gold into my soul
I am glass
Cleansed by the fire that once destroyed me
am marble, and i carve myself into art
I am the ashes, and the things that hurt me once will never get that close again
At last I am porcelain
I am free in my fragility
I guard it with twisted spikes of steel
I hold the key to my hear
So I keep it unbreakable.
Dec 9, 2016
Dec 9, 2016 at 3:44 PM UTC