jnh - Hello Poetry

i felt my soul begin to quiver as it heard the booming voice of silence reach out but my mind never faltered because of the confidence i had in my soul and the bittersweet realization that death is no longer a choice for me i walked out of the hospital hope in one hand, fear in the other and a heartbreaking craving still in the air i tried my best, but i couldn’t juggle all of these at the same time with my shaking frame so i dropped one. then the other. now here i am, holding onto hope with both hands.

0

May 18, 2019

May 18, 2019 at 12:21 PM UTC

may 9th

i felt my soul begin to quiver as it heard the booming voice of silence reach out but my mind never faltered because of the confidence i had in my soul and the bittersweet realization that death is no longer a choice for me i walked out of the hospital hope in one hand, fear in the other and a heartbreaking craving still in the air i tried my best, but i couldn’t juggle all of these at the same time with my shaking frame so i dropped one. then the other. now here i am, holding onto hope with both hands.

14

lost in my head my thoughts should be led there’s a soul on my mind but that soul is not mine i need to find hope i’ve lost grip on the rope that’s holding me together drifting like a feather but my mind will not rest so instead, i’m left confused and terrified so loved, and so despised i’ll carry this burden obviously, but be certain it’s not something i need it’s a simple good deed i’m forgetting the rationalities and thinking of reality

0

May 16, 2019

May 16, 2019 at 2:48 AM UTC

these moments

lost in my head my thoughts should be led there’s a soul on my mind but that soul is not mine i need to find hope i’ve lost grip on the rope that’s holding me together drifting like a feather but my mind will not rest so instead, i’m left confused and terrified so loved, and so despised i’ll carry this burden obviously, but be certain it’s not something i need it’s a simple good deed i’m forgetting the rationalities and thinking of reality

18

It’s okay I understand You need some time To comprehend Your soul Your heart Your goals And where to start But remember I’m here, waiting For some day When you say You’re tired of wasting away

0

Oct 18, 2018

Oct 18, 2018 at 3:02 PM UTC

But it doesn’t stop it from hurting.

It’s okay I understand You need some time To comprehend Your soul Your heart Your goals And where to start But remember I’m here, waiting For some day When you say You’re tired of wasting away

13

This is what it’s like to die My brain is screaming “cut deep inside” I can see my family dreaming My blood wants to boil Make geysers from my veins I just want to be okay I want a rainbow from the rain

0

Oct 17, 2018

Oct 17, 2018 at 1:58 AM UTC

it hasn’t left.

This is what it’s like to die My brain is screaming “cut deep inside” I can see my family dreaming My blood wants to boil Make geysers from my veins I just want to be okay I want a rainbow from the rain

9

You don’t know the pain Of spending days Feeling superior in vain Thinking you’re closer to God in the rain The days you sing and feel euphoric The days you see hunger and ignore it The nights you can’t sleep The nights you feel better Than you should soul-deep You don’t know the heartbreak Of dreaming of the day You dive head first in a lake Hoping you’re close to God as you explain That you couldn’t take it anymore.

0

Oct 15, 2018

Oct 15, 2018 at 4:22 PM UTC

bipolar.

You don’t know the pain Of spending days Feeling superior in vain Thinking you’re closer to God in the rain The days you sing and feel euphoric The days you see hunger and ignore it The nights you can’t sleep The nights you feel better Than you should soul-deep You don’t know the heartbreak Of dreaming of the day You dive head first in a lake Hoping you’re close to God as you explain That you couldn’t take it anymore.

14

I hope the ocean breeze Touches your skin In the same way my hands did I hope the waves makes you joyful In the same way my words did I hope you feel something without me Because I’ve been numb since you left

0

Sep 18, 2018

Sep 18, 2018 at 3:24 PM UTC

Touch.

I hope the ocean breeze Touches your skin In the same way my hands did I hope the waves makes you joyful In the same way my words did I hope you feel something without me Because I’ve been numb since you left

7

i sit in the grass and stare at the stars watching glass as it turns to shards but i guess that's it the story ends if hearts don't fit they break; not bend

0

Sep 17, 2018

Sep 17, 2018 at 1:23 PM UTC

stare.

i sit in the grass and stare at the stars watching glass as it turns to shards but i guess that's it the story ends if hearts don't fit they break; not bend

8

he fought the unsettling darkness that strangled him throughout every night and that love that’s so ******* heartless in some ways still blinded his sight he would beg for his life to be taken to the God he believed was above his memory was so ******* shaken that he always believed in this love in a love that would still be the same regardless of all of the seething but this child was so tired of games his sole choice was ceasing his breathing.

0

Sep 16, 2018

Sep 16, 2018 at 1:49 PM UTC

battle with darkness.

he fought the unsettling darkness that strangled him throughout every night and that love that’s so ******* heartless in some ways still blinded his sight he would beg for his life to be taken to the God he believed was above his memory was so ******* shaken that he always believed in this love in a love that would still be the same regardless of all of the seething but this child was so tired of games his sole choice was ceasing his breathing.

12

I sit in my room and think about things a lot. I’ve done it since I was a kid. It’s been a fascination of mine from birth, to just stare out a window and analyze myself, my friends, my family, and the world. I would dream of kingdoms in far away lands, of creatures that didn’t exist. I would create beautiful pictures of what god was in my head. But that began to change as I got older. I went from daydreaming of kingdoms to having nightmares filled with sadness. My ideologies that were so vibrant and bright turn dull and colorless. I watched my own joy slip away, and I fell in love with that. As I sat in my room more and more, I fell in love with suffering. With the chaos of the calm, but hideous night. I could feel snakes hiss at my heels. I wouldn’t run away,though. It was too comfortable. I sit in my and think about everything, but now it is filled with dread. My soul has absorbed this hovering cloud filled with tears the color of tar. I hate myself. I sit in my room and think about how I’m better off dead. I dream of the day I die. Every night I look and see the choices I have to destroy every living part of me. “Such a simple and pure way to escape such a complex and broken world”, I tell myself. I sit in my room and I look at the bottle sitting on my nightstand. I contemplate how worthless I am that I have to take medication to live. I have to put chemicals in my body so I want to live. If my brain wants me gone so desperately, why do I deny it’s greatest desire? I sit in my room. Maybe I should walk out.

0

Sep 16, 2018

Sep 16, 2018 at 1:36 PM UTC

I sit in my room.

I sit in my room and think about things a lot. I’ve done it since I was a kid. It’s been a fascination of mine from birth, to just stare out a window and analyze myself, my friends, my family, and the world. I would dream of kingdoms in far away lands, of creatures that didn’t exist. I would create beautiful pictures of what god was in my head. But that began to change as I got older. I went from daydreaming of kingdoms to having nightmares filled with sadness. My ideologies that were so vibrant and bright turn dull and colorless. I watched my own joy slip away, and I fell in love with that. As I sat in my room more and more, I fell in love with suffering. With the chaos of the calm, but hideous night. I could feel snakes hiss at my heels. I wouldn’t run away,though. It was too comfortable. I sit in my and think about everything, but now it is filled with dread. My soul has absorbed this hovering cloud filled with tears the color of tar. I hate myself. I sit in my room and think about how I’m better off dead. I dream of the day I die. Every night I look and see the choices I have to destroy every living part of me. “Such a simple and pure way to escape such a complex and broken world”, I tell myself. I sit in my room and I look at the bottle sitting on my nightstand. I contemplate how worthless I am that I have to take medication to live. I have to put chemicals in my body so I want to live. If my brain wants me gone so desperately, why do I deny it’s greatest desire? I sit in my room. Maybe I should walk out.

7

here we are, gorgeous you are shimmering tonight the glow you give off is so lovely you show the entire world that darkness has light as well you are hope to all of us the nightly hostess of Yahweh’s creation the stars hidden behind the sky’s blanket are shining but you are conquering them with your simple glow for they shine brighter, but distance themselves. pointless,if not for their beauty but your temperate light, so close that we can see better than with all the distant stars combined.

0

Sep 16, 2018

Sep 16, 2018 at 1:16 PM UTC

Luna

here we are, gorgeous you are shimmering tonight the glow you give off is so lovely you show the entire world that darkness has light as well you are hope to all of us the nightly hostess of Yahweh’s creation the stars hidden behind the sky’s blanket are shining but you are conquering them with your simple glow for they shine brighter, but distance themselves. pointless,if not for their beauty but your temperate light, so close that we can see better than with all the distant stars combined.

18