You will write.
So you won't think.
You will open this canvas.
When what you really opened was the notes on your mobile.
You will stare at it blankly.
You will wish that by typing on the keyboard the feeling of your stomach being tied in knots will go away.
You will falter.
You will stop writing words.
You will believe that even words cannot save you at this point.
You have relied too much on other things you thought could save you.
You will remember that it is in writing where you always came back.
You will forget how to spend the days and nights without ushering a single word.
You will feel the ounce of every silent moment begging to crack open the vent trapped inside your lungs so that you could breathe.
You ought to know that telling how you see the world around you or how you see your life would make no sense.
You will hold onto it no matter what.
You will carry on even if there's a bunch of load with you.
You will carry it in your back, your shoulders, your head, your mouth, your heart.
You will not unload because you have a habit of letting it out all out just like the vessel that you are but completely abandoning every thing that have once made you heavy.
You will realize that the dam that just broke will help with the weight but it will leave you drained.
You will once again get no shortage of how it feels to feel empty.
You've released all of the stuff that made you weary but you still felt drained and wounded.
You will water the seeds of guilt for being like this, for feeling like this, for acting like this.
You will be in a loop just like the cycle that never ends, rain drops on land, water will evaporate when it's time to shot up at the sky again, vapor will condensate and will begin to gain weight until you will have no control over it.
You will let it go, the rain will fall once again back to Earth.
You will be given two choices: patience and acceptance.
You will be patient to hold the water inside your cloud.
You can get bigger to hold more water in.
You can be darker to stretch your breaking point.
You will have to accept.
You will turn into the shape of a cloud until you disappear once you run out of all the water you once were.
You will make it rain because just like the rainbow after a storm it is inevitable.
You will hurt.
You will get hazy because rain is not supernatural.
You will always happen.
You will try to run away from the pain.
You will hold the water in longer than usual.
You will even try to not become a cloud at all.
You will abandon your very essence as a vessel just to make it stop.
You will curse at the rain when some people below you consider it a blessing.
You will hold it, the rain the longest time possible.
You will ignore that without water Earth will turn barren and withered.
You will hear the prayer of the people below, the rain sticks they'll use to call out to you.
You will stop yielding.
You will because that's what you are.
You will only be a vessel until it's time to empty yourself again, only to be filled and emptied over and over again.
You will stop denying the inevitable.
You will start to stop shielding yourself from the fear of breaking.
You will open, you will break because hearts only open when they do break.
You will break apart yourself so that water can once again reach the surface of the Earth.
You will, in time, return to the skies again.
You will not need an anchor to tie yourself the ground.
You will not need wings to keep yourself in the clouds.
You will not be the kite to a line.
You will not wander without attachment.
You will not fall off without a lift.
You will be a vessel.
You will always be a part of the cycle.
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 2:01 AM UTC
kahit marupok ang damdamin at katawan nating mga nilalang ni Bathala upang umawit, sumulat, tumugtog o dumula,
ibig kong sabihin sa inyo na mas marilag ang tapang natin kaysa kape,
sapagkat sa bawat ihip at higop sa lamig o init nitong inumin,
anumang hangarin ay kinaya natin.
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 1:59 AM UTC
kuhanin man ng liwanag
o lamumin ng kalawakan
pagsapit ng dilim
kahit nakapikit
mahiwaga ang tanawin
kita ang mga bituin
maging malamig man ang umaga
maging mainit man ang gabi
o kaya sila'y pagbaliktarin
ngiti ko'y di magninimdim
ako'y maghihintay pa rin
tatangayin, aabutin
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 1:58 AM UTC
at sa tuwing suwail ang mundo
kapag ipapakita nito sa'yo ang pangit sa pangit
tuwing dama mo ang pag iisa sa kabila ng piling ng iba
kapag tila inuunti unti tayo sa sarili nating mga laman at loob
hayaan **** kainin kita
hayaan mo akong kainin lahat ng di kaaya ayang pakiramdam
hayaan **** pakainin kita ng libog, kilig at lambing
hayaan **** pakainin kita sa labas at sa loob ng hardin
dahil kahit galing ka pa sa labi at balat ng iba
dahil kahit nagmumog ka pa sa pawis, laway o dura
tanggap pa rin kita kahit mayroong pangalawa
anuman ang mangyari o mag iba man ang lasa lulunukin pa rin kita.
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 1:57 AM UTC
Pabalik balik
Urong sulong
Tila hindi umuubra ang usal at salita
Kapag nag isip ay lalo lang nagiging kawawa
Nakakabalisa ang kawalan ng gawa
Dahil sa takot ay nagpapakumbaba
Kumbaga ang tamis at tawa ay isinugal at isinawalang bahala
Sapagkat ang hindi pagharap sa takot ay masama
Pinilit kong humakbang palapit
Sinabayan ko ng dasal
Ngunit minsan mas mabilis ang paghakbang palayo o pagtakbo kaysa patungo sa tarantang nararamdaman ko
Sila nga ba ay mga pader na dapat kong banggain o sila ba'y mga haligi na nagtatanggol sa akin?
Gusto ko silang paslangin kahit na parang bahagi rin sa akin na mamamatay rin
Katakot takot ang pagkakatulad netong aking damdamin sa hindi pagiging malaya, sa pagiging mahaba lamang ng tanikala
Kinakain na ko ng aking isip at katawan,
Kahit na tiyan ko'y walang laman kundi kape at init ng laman,
Paano nga ba magsisimula?
Unti untiin o isang biglaang awitin, pag aklas sa panginginig,
Pagtuklap sa mga matang gising na nagkukunwaring sa pagtulog ay mahimbing,
Dahil totoo ang panganib kaya't natatakot ka sa maaaring mangyayari o sa hindi mo ginawa,
Ngunit sa pagitan ng sarili mo at takot na naninirahan sa iyong isip sino nga ba ang mas totoo at mas mahalaga,
Ang daga sa iyong dibdib o ang kaluluwa **** maga?
Wag isaalang alang ang bait sa ating mga sarili dahil ang hindi paggalaw kahit na ang diwa mo'y pagal ay pagtaya sa isang maling sugal.
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 1:56 AM UTC
ang nag iisang tiyak
sa isang libong duda
ang uuwiang tahanan
sa mainit na araw
sa malamig na ulan
parang alaalang kinalimutan
parang pintong tinalikuran
ang nagpakawala sa rehas
ang nagpagaan sa dala
hindi ka lang tala sa kadiliman
ikaw ang buong kalawakan
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 1:56 AM UTC
Hindi naman mahalaga
Kung sino at saan
O kung sa anumang paraan
Ang nasaktan, nasaktan.
Maaaring patawarin
O kaya nama'y pagbigyan
Hindi madaling kalimutan.
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 1:55 AM UTC
I know she wasn't perfect.
But she was.
She was perfect,
to me and I didn't want
to have to wonder if
it was all her fault.
I don't want to be eaten up
by the thought of always thinking
so I'd rather blame everything on me.
I'd **** me to wander
into a thin line of whether
it was genuine or if
it was all sheer pretense.
I swore to her before that
I love her like I love
all the things she wants to
and doesn't wants to show.
I promised to her before that
I love her like I love
all the things she can
and she can't give.
I'm not perfect but I'm alright,
I didn't wanted it to be perfect,
It's not perfect but it's alright,
I just needed it to be real.
It was real perfect before
when she loved me.
That's right loved.
All in the past tense.
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 1:54 AM UTC
Maaring hindi mangamusta,
Maaring hindi na magparamdam,
Maaring hindi na makipag usap,
Maaring hindi na makita,
Maaring hindi na mainit,
Maaring hindi na malapit,
Maaring hindi na maaari,
Ngunit hindi kailanman sumuko.
Maaaring napagod na ngunit naghihintay pa rin.
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 1:53 AM UTC
the next time you fall
you won't need safety nets
not because of promises
of being safe here and there
you will have wings
not made of vanity and wax
it'll help with the heavy
you will soar high into the sky
the flight of your dreams
will leave behind your fears
and bid goodbye.
Jul 1, 2020
Jul 1, 2020 at 1:53 AM UTC