it wasn't the way you held me in your arms
it was the way you put your hands around my neck
and pushed me to the ground.
it wasn't how you complimented me
it was how you lied, saying things like 'you'll change.'
and say unnecessarily mean remarks.
it wasn't the way you looked at me
it was the way you sat and watched me wail, sob in pain
and my body shut down multiple times from all of it.
it wasn't the way you cared
it was the way you would never choose my life
over what you want.
it wasn't the way you took care of me while I was sick,
it was the way you did nothing, slammed the trunk of your car
on my head and played video games without an apology.
it wasn't the way you adored me
it was the way you look and comment on my body
more than you look at me and my soul.
it wasn't how all you want is for me to be happy
it was the way you pretended to change
and go back to the same cycle for the millionth time.
it wasn't the way you apologized to me
it was the way you say it with no meaning
or feeling of remorse.
it wasn't the way you paid attention to me in awe
it was the way you never listen or get excited to
hear my stories, but you like to forget what's important to me.
it wasn't the way you loved me
it was the way you enjoy watching me hate myself
more and more.
Feb 3, 2025
Feb 3, 2025 at 1:33 AM UTC
I was never his queen.
I was a beggar for love,
for respect,
for a partner.
Feb 3, 2025
Feb 3, 2025 at 1:28 AM UTC
it crawls into and creeps
in your mind
and inside of you
is an uncontrollable rapid
that your heart struggles to keep up
and your breathing shakes
your skin turns cold like you're
drowning
wondering when
will it stop
and a soft whisper tells you
to fear for your life.
Oct 9, 2022
Oct 9, 2022 at 6:43 PM UTC
i miss the days
of being alone
in the house by myself
and i didn't have to hide
my feelings
and i could cry
in each corner of the house
and i would try
to occupy myself
with frantic cleaning,
horrible singing,
expressive dancing,
and absent writing
and the way i could
get myself high
just being all over the place
or sometimes
oversleeping at
one place
because i didn't want
to think
but now,
it feels like
i can't be me
when i need to be.
so please
just leave me alone
Sep 13, 2022
Sep 13, 2022 at 3:30 PM UTC
and i've seen too many times
the word "sorry" in my texts
that it starts to lose its meaning
and how it would've meant
everything in the flesh.
it's 2022, i know
but i'm tired of phones
and would want to live like we're
in the 1700s so i could
see your efforts show.
so i leave my phone behind
wanting to slow down
and disappear for awhile
so i take my walk
mile after mile.
Sep 11, 2022
Sep 11, 2022 at 9:20 PM UTC
silence is loud when you're alone
and it's not the absence of noise
or the humming in your ear,
it's something only you can hear and no one else
it's constant and explosive and all around
it's the uproar of your thoughts
making all that sound
you can try and hush it,
try to make it a nice place to be but
you know another just comes
and it can affect you, hurt you
leave you in a loop— analysis paralysis
now don't lose yourself in it
break from that cycle, don't let
it eat at you bit by bit
it's like a virus that spreads
and starts numbing your body
your mind's hit overload and
just blaring, almost deafening...
but still,
you can never hear complete silence
not even when you're alone
so go rest your heavy head
and escape from reality
i'm sorry you have to do it again
because dreams are temporary.
May 29, 2021
May 29, 2021 at 12:41 AM UTC
don't call us “friends”
when all you do is pretend
act like you don't want to attack
but you'll do it behind my back
and all i've been was loving and nice
but you were threatened by my spice
you mistake me for being flirty
when you're the who did me *****
telling everyone i'm the one to hate
when all i've done was be a good mate
so go on and talk **** about me
and i get we all have our insecurities
but don't be fake and start talking ****
hurting other people is just not it
words are just as hurtful as fists
pain like this can exist on wrists
there's too much hate already being hurled
when are you gonna realize we need more love in this world?
if you're wondering if i'd ever do that to you
i don't have the heart to do what you did to me too
and in the end, i'd still care about you
even if our relationship decides to fall through
Apr 2, 2021
Apr 2, 2021 at 7:54 PM UTC
i gave you the room key
just to stay for one night
but you've been extending
coming back even at daylight
you run in the clouds
and walk in the sun,
your overstay has hit its time
so when are you checking out, ***
Mar 30, 2021
Mar 30, 2021 at 6:47 PM UTC
let's play a game
you and i
stare in silence
while locking eyes
nervous and quite shy
turned into big smiles
then quiet laughter
still looking intently all the while
every second passing
and strings started to exist
attaching and latching
knots tying in twists
electricity started flowing
unseen but a rushing feel
back and forth
a connection -- is this becoming real?
in that short time
i started to imagine
me leaning in to kiss you
and I almost let it happen
three hundred seconds is up
and i tried to explain
but i couldn't tell you everything
that was going on in my brain
so i told you i feel closer to you
without saying anything more
didn't want you to know
it was you i was longing for.
Mar 30, 2021
Mar 30, 2021 at 6:10 PM UTC