My apartment still smells like cigarettes from Saturday
when a couple girls with crop-top ambitions
drank themselves through flip cups and through guys’ eyes
who purposely landed on their belly-buttons.
I might have stood on the couch to sing that song,
but I’ve fallen for you all wrong. After another remix,
everyone left and we played footsies while leaning
in the doorway of my bathroom, the wood trim chipping
but your smile brightening in the yellow overhead light.
And I promised I wouldn’t find myself
come Monday morning sitting here with my knees knocking,
and knocking, and knocking themselves back into my brain
that keeps reminding my heart that we expired last season,
and that it’s just too **** late.
I promised myself I wouldn’t wipe my tears on my sweatshirt sleeves,
or run my toes on the tile, or breathe in another toxic pack
of what I essentially believe is you. You are the *** I pour myself into.
You are the chance I keep giving myself seconds of.
I know I shouldn’t have separated myself that quickly, or without notice,
but honestly I didn’t know how to attach myself to someone
unless it was delicate and barb-wired together. I’m sorry I ******* it up,
back then, before the mess, wherever you’d like to pinpoint
the blame on our timeline
but you are the only chance I keep giving myself seconds of.
So I’ll distance myself between my body and this frame,
cut out text-message screen shots and paste them to my frown
so maybe I can remember what it was like to smile
without ******* cigarette smoke between my teeth.
Apr 21, 2015
Apr 21, 2015 at 2:50 PM UTC
I miss the heat of your body cuddled into mine on that unusually cold November night.
your soft lips leaving kisses of fire down my neck
your arms wrapped around my waist like you never wanted to let me go.
I miss your deep brown eyes,
and the way you always touched your nose and lips when you were nervous.
I miss the awkward, yet comfortable silences as we just stared at each other .
My god, you were so beautiful..
why couldn't i make you stay?
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 2:33 AM UTC
Hard to miss, you can take me home.
I'd rather be anyone than to be alone.
Marlboro-stained teeth
have my lips controlled.
Don't mistake the chemicals
for our souls.
I move with the waters inside your ribcage.
Because when I drown in you,
it's the perfect place.
Softly, please, taking off our clothes:
I can see the kisses that have left holes.
You've been acid-washed
by love that wasn't stronger.
Take off your armor,
so you can stay here longer.
Your face is as cold
as the place I found you in.
You can let go of the hurt
trapped beneath your skin.
I keep warm in your fire that beats fast.
To be alone with you, it to be, at last.
Hard to miss, I will take you home.
You can be anyone, rather than be alone.
Remove your shoes, but not your heart.
You can stay here, as our world falls apart.
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 6:05 PM UTC
you used to always call me your innocent girl,
one to never break out of her shell.
never once taking a sip of alcohol, or touching the blunts you would roll with your best friend.
you used it against me when you left me hanging in the rain.
i did drugs today.
i downed the fifth of whiskey my roommate kept under her bed.
i smoke one of those blunts you swore i'd never touch, or two.
i tried to send every memory you gave me up in smoke.
i tried to forget how you left me, alone and vulnerable
and how my heart was almost ripped in half.
i threw myself into a substance-induced oblivion to where i couldn't even move without falling right back down
into the deep dark hole that you shoved me into.
and even though i should have forgotten all about how you're brown eyes tore right into mine, or the way you called me 'baby'
i couldn't.
i couldn't stop hearing the sound of your voice.
or see the rugged glimmer of your smile.
or taste the black coffee what was always on your lips
i couldn't erase your memory,
even though you didn't even remember mine
Nov 15, 2014
Nov 15, 2014 at 2:57 AM UTC