The moment you enter this world you are singing
Singing loud to allow air into your lungs
Singing loud to announce yes “I am here”,
Growing up you sing your mother’s name
Your father’s name
Your aunts’ uncles’ brothers’ sisters’ cousins’ grandparents’ names
You sing in babbled tones, soprano octaves with bubbles on your tongue
Because the world tastes sweet and you want to let it melt in your mouths
Growing up, you learn to sing questions
Crescendo’s of why’s hanging over your head until an answer is sung back
But sometimes you find out there’s no one on the other side of this duet and yes, your song will fall flat
But don’t let that stop you from singing until someone in the world recognizes the melody and sings alongside you
Growing up you learn to sing thank you’s, I’m sorry’s, I love you’s
You know that sometimes they will taste sour, they will burn the back of your throat and make it hard to swallow for a while but you need them
Because when they aren’t leaving holes in your vocal chords they are silk
Warm and welcoming, gliding from your lips to your tongue in one swift motion
Slipping down your throat
Filling you like a balloon about to burst
But making you feel like you have enough air that you could float forever
Growing up you learn that your favorite song to sing, is your own
Even on the days when it’s off pitch, too loud, too quiet, it’s yours
You become familiar with the bends of the music, the curves in the tune
It doesn’t matter if it’s classic or experimental, if other people like it or hate it
It’s the only constant out of all this music
So you learn to love it,
You sing because you want to be heard
Because it’s the only way to keep living
Jan 24, 2016
Jan 24, 2016 at 4:17 PM UTC
You drag your fingertips across my skin
as if you were painting a picture,
each stroke delicate,
striving for a masterpiece of
perfectly induced shivers and well released moans
and I find myself gripping onto your hair
as if for dear life, pulling you closer to me
as if less space could help me catch my breath
because it’s all so new and unanticipated
all I can do is find myself reveling in the ecstasy—
all I was hoping for in the moment was as much of you as I could devour,
as much of your essence that I could inhale. I craved all of you,
in every fiber of my body, every sense in my system
and for once, I got exactly that.
Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 12:01 AM UTC
I planted kisses in your collarbone
and told them to grow until they could kiss you for me
I drew paths down your abdomen
and blazed trails down your back
I left bits of myself in your chest
and hoped it was enough of a map
to lead you back to me.
Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 12:00 AM UTC
You’ve turned me into an acrobat
with the number of times you make my stomach flip,
somersaults and cartwheels with every little flick of the tongue,
every well thought out brush of the skin.
You’ve discovered how to disassemble my body,
searching for the things that make me tick,
finding far too easily, what slows me down
and what winds me up.
You’ve given me something I don’t have words for,
but it’s there, it’s in your eyes, in the way you look at me
when you think I don’t see; it’s in the way you smile at me
when we wake up in the morning
we’re both lagging but there, awake but not up,
aware that there’s a world waiting for us
but content in the world of each other’s arms.
Oct 5, 2014
Oct 5, 2014 at 11:59 PM UTC
It's nearly three am
and I told myself I wouldn't do this,
I said I wouldn't wait for the sunrise to cue my sleep
and yet here I am again,
the darkness under my eyes
nearly as defined as the coffee rings on my dresser.
Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 2:24 AM UTC
If you could spend one month in my body
and experience even a fraction of what I've been through
you'd be screaming with apologies for what you did.
But that isn't possible.
So instead you're here, telling me I'm a priority,
when in fact, you were no where to be found
when I needed someone the most.
Where were you when I was crying myself to sleep
for days that became weeks that became months?
Where were you when my mind collapsed in on itself
and the only thing I could think about was death?
Where were you when I ******* needed you?
You have no right to show up after the curtain has fallen,
your time in my life is over and I'm certain about that.
I deserve better than you ever gave me.
I do.
And frankly, I'd rather be alone
than have to rely on you for a single ******* thing.
Jun 6, 2014
Jun 6, 2014 at 9:31 PM UTC
If you think you're getting another chance
I suggest you turn around,
and leave.
You spew ******** about caring about me,
about wanting to listen,
wanting to be there
But when I needed someone these past few months
you were no where to be found,
and I was utterly alone.
Sometimes I wish I could give you a second chance,
but I'm known for being stubborn,
so dreadfully stubborn
And of course I've managed to hold onto
the smallest hint of self-respect
so tell me why --
Why would I knowingly endanger myself again
by letting you back into my life?
Can you answer that?
No?
I didn't think so.
Jun 6, 2014
Jun 6, 2014 at 9:23 PM UTC
I never used to drink black coffee,
my body had craved the sugar, begged for the sweetness
but after all of our afternoons in that coffee shop,
after all the nights where I drank nothing but you,
I found myself more and more okay with the taste,
I found myself needing less and less sweetness to satisfy my tongue.
It was only after you left did I realize I had come to enjoy black coffee,
I had grown accustomed to the bitterness and dreaded the sweetness.
It was only after you left did I realize you had taken all the sweetness with you.
May 23, 2014
May 23, 2014 at 10:57 AM UTC
I close my eyes and I can see you,
standing beside me, lips moving—but those words,
those words I tell myself to forget,
they’re etched into the walls of my head,
that’s why they echo night after night after endless night.
It pains me, dear god it pains me,
with such deafening severity that I wonder,
wonder if perhaps words could ****
if they could physically manifest
and drive themselves through my chest—
those words certainly did.
Daggers, jagged-edged daggers, that’s what they were,
that’s what they still are: permanently fixed just seconds below my clavicle,
you can hear them as they crash into my ribs with every step,
playing a tune of desperation as if it were a cry for help,
you can watch as they tear new wounds with every stride
into the barely beating piece of **** I call my heart—
sometime I get called strong and I laugh
because I am not strong nor am I resilient,
I am stubborn. Stubborn and stupid.
If I were strong I would not be dying
if I were strong I would have walked
if I were strong this would not be the end—
Apr 27, 2014
Apr 27, 2014 at 1:24 AM UTC
Science says your pupils dilate
when something of interest
enters your field of vision.
I suppose that makes sense,
because when I see you
everything else disappears.
You're the only thing there
and I'm sure my eyes widen
because they want to take you in.
Everything from the curve of your lips
to the lingering gaze of your eyes,
I have to have it all.
And when you walk away,
I know my eyes must constrict--
suddenly the world is smaller.
Apr 22, 2014
Apr 22, 2014 at 11:04 AM UTC