I sit, head down, eyes down,
Trying unsuccessfully to block out the world.
The insults slowly chipping away at the small amount of self-confidence I have.
The physical aggression creating new bruises over ones that have not yet healed.
I walk, eyes to the ground, book clutched tightly to my chest, trying not to weep.
What did I do to deserve this?
Don't hit me, don't shove me, don't touch me!
See what you've done to me!
I go into the bathroom, pull out my knife,
Time to numb myself to this painful life.
I draw the blade across my skin and watch the sweet, merciful crimson flow.
A smile spreads across my face, this is the world I choose to embrace.
A creaking sound..the door is opening!
Frantically I hide my key to bliss, so frantically I forget to hide my wrist.
I hear a scream and see them there
With their flawless skin and bleach-blonde hair.
Matching looks of horror on their perfect faces,
They've seen the blood.
One runs out, the others stay,
Making sure I don't run away.
The teachers come running as I stand in the middle of the room.
The blood is flowing slowly now
And now..they can all see what their tormenting has done to me.
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 10:45 PM UTC
When you came into my life I was broken and scared
I didn't want to let you in in case you weren't always there.
But in time you slipped your way in
And stole my heart in the end.
Is this what love feels like?
My heart pounds as we stroll around town in the moonlight.
Now the only thing in my mind is you
Slowly you're owning all of me and in truth
I love it
My wishes, your desires just...fit.
The love I feel for you is so sweet
And grows stronger every time we meet.
A gentle caress of your lips on mine,
A single moment that seems to hang in time,
The soothing sound of your voice washes over me
I know, right here right now, is where I always want to be.
Tell me you'll never leave and please be true
Because I'm dangerously in love with you.
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 10:39 PM UTC
I don't want to breathe
every bit of oxygen I take in just prolongs the end of my miserable life.
I don't want to feel..
because my heart is breaking and it's PAINFUL.
I don't want to cry,
this is my last goodbye.
I know when you hear you'll get teary eyed
and maybe I'm sick because I want you to
or maybe I'm just desperate because I just want you to feel SOMETHING for me.
Then we'll go our separate ways
your body will move away while mine stays
in it's casket, six feet under.
I can finally sleep.
Clutched in your hand was my final note
tear-stained for I was crying as I wrote.
"My dear, I love you with all my heart
I always told you I'd never depart
as long as I lived I'd be yours
but now I can move on,
"But before I did I needed to be sure
you'd never forget the girl who walked out the door.
Maybe I'm sick but it's cause I love you.
Farewell
Yours no more...
-Jazzy"
Mar 4, 2014
Mar 4, 2014 at 8:23 PM UTC
I don't usually write of love
but you're my exception.
Because of you I have a brand new perception on life.
Before you the only thing that brought me joy was my knife.
Baby, you are my Light.
You're the reason I smile.
We argue every once in a while
but, love, I know we can work past it.
I'll always love you, I hope you know what I say is true.
It's always been you.
My heart is yours
and yours it shall remain until the end of time.
I don't usually write of love
But you'll always be the exception.
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 4:27 PM UTC
I lay on my bed with waves of depression drowning me slowly.
My eyes close as tears seep out.
"How could it have ended this way..?"
-*-
Passion and love make my heart swell,
I think he's feeling it as well.
Our kisses grow hungry and greedy
now my body is needy.
We are bared to each other,
there's no need for another.
Our bodies twine together
we are connected now.
Giving everything we have to each other...
I look into his eyes and see...love?
-*-
I awake from a dream of he and I,
he is the reason I cry...
A pain tears my heart apart.
"If only I knew he'd hurt me from the start..."
-*-
He lays next to me, slick with sweat, smiling.
My heart leaps and he coaxes a smile onto my features.
-*-
My body trembles, it's time.
I reach over and grab my razor,
the time is prime.
I'm going to bleed out these memories tonight.
Mar 2, 2014
Mar 2, 2014 at 8:00 PM UTC
As I sink into the cold, dark waters of depression
I just can't think of anything except your slow, torturous progression of pushing me away.
I can't stay with you like this forever,
I can't take this pattern of give and take,
Me giving all I can
you taking everything without thanks.
Pain flares in my heart and tears burn my eyes.
You knew I wasn't strong enough to take it,
I knew I wasn't strong enough to break it.
That fatal attraction that made me love you.
But now it's all I can do not to start on your set
of deep, bright red lines
set on my pale flesh
because in these numbing waters the only thing that gives me warmth now
is pain.
Mar 2, 2014
Mar 2, 2014 at 5:05 PM UTC
Darkness folds over me like a heavy sheet.
I cannot move, this is not something I can defeat.
I'll give in to my body's demands,
reaching for my razor with shaking hands.
I hold you with desperation
Embrace me with you evil sensation
Open the door but I see no light
Will I say no
Or will the blade drip blood tonight?
My body holds so many scars, I'm not really that tough
but surely this is enough?
Without mind my hand descends.
Will this be the night my story ends?
Save me!
Save me from the dark
Illuminate my light
By myself
I'm not strong enough to fight
Show me love to take the pain away
Because the way I am now
I can't make it another day.
My mind begins to sway my will
I throw my blade away and then go very still.
I can't believe the time has come
When this ****** deed has not been done.
Mar 2, 2014
Mar 2, 2014 at 4:08 PM UTC
His hands are searching,
Touching,
Feeling.
Wanting to take in more of me.
My body is his canvas
And on it
He paints a picture of
Beauty and passion.
His body presses to mine
Softly
He wants more
That I won't give.
And now that I look
That picture
Wasn't of beauty and passion.
It was of lust and mistreatment.
Feb 25, 2014
Feb 25, 2014 at 12:48 AM UTC
She stood in the doorway looking at the girl in front of her.
A broken girl, life drained from her eyes.
Hands gripping tight onto a teddy bear,
mascara running down and scarring her perfect pale skin.
Perfect pink lips parted but not making a sound and yet...
letting free a scream of anguish.
Desperately crying out for help.
She stepped closer and so did the broken girl, their movements so perfectly synchronized.
"I hear you. I feel your pain." Said they simultaneously.
She reached out to touch the cheek of this girl, so similar and yet unrecognizable, and so too the girl reached for her cheek.
Her hand met glass in the place of warm skin.
Slowly she brought her hand to her cheek
and felt the warm wetness of her tears.
She then realized that poor, broken girl was a reflection of herself and softly whispered,
"This isn't how it was meant to be...I just wanted to be accepted. I never knew I'd be so unhappy being someone other than me."
Feb 25, 2014
Feb 25, 2014 at 12:46 AM UTC
A lonely little girl sits on the floor
back to the door
waiting for her parents to come home.
It has been three months since she last arrived
at the orphanage, she feels love deprived.
The other kids make fun of her,
she knows she doesn't belong here.
All she wants is to be wanted by someone
somewhere.
Years pass on and she's finally seventeen
still at the same home but living in between reality and her imaginary world.
That hole in her chest grew larger every year
but now she has someone to hold dear.
She's not alone anymore.
Oh, he's as sweet as can be
and she's thinking,
"He is the perfect one for me!"
All she has ever wanted was to be wanted.
He's broken her heart,
tore her world apart.
Pulled her back into reality.
She became so lonely.
Upon turning eighteen she had to leave
but she had nowhere to go.
It was a harsh winter
and the snowy ground became her grave.
The world told her she wasn't wanted
so she gave up and left.
Feb 24, 2014
Feb 24, 2014 at 3:35 PM UTC