I’ve always said that things happen for a reason. Most times I never understand as to why the reason is what it is… She came into my life just as when the leaves were falling and I hope with her that everything I have learned in the past years will make sense and become useful. I don’t believe to have encountered something-no someone, that is so simple it makes one think of the complexities of how can she “be”, how can she “exist”, in simpler terms… I use to think a person like her couldn’t exist, but the thing is she doesn’t just exist as herself. She exists as the constant pulse in my wrists, the tingles throughout my body that makes my hair stand on ends, the brush strokes in a famous painting, the flowers in the crevices of the sidewalk, the words that poets write about, the faith that someone has in their religion, the truth in a victim's eyes, and the glow upon a pregnant woman’s face. She exists in more than just these simple things. However, she is a person. She came into my life and… The past years of dealing with heartbreak, manipulation, mental abuse, not being enough, and the confusion. It all makes sense now as to why those things have happened. I’ve met a person, her, and I have seen my morals change along with my mindset since meeting her. No longer do I think so negatively about situations, how can I when she’s in my life. No longer do I crave for anybody’s attention, I only crave hers. No longer do I care about someone’s day, other than hers. No longer do I have an attachment to my past, but I hope to have an attachment to my future, with her… I might be insane to think that a person like her exists, but I would also be foolish to not notice… She exists in everything I see to be beauty, but when I see her… There are no words to describe the vision of ecstasy that I am looking at. The phrase, “she took my breath away”, does not even compare to explain either. Seeing her is so surreal, I am left speechless. To have no words to describe seeing a person like that, how can you prove that they exist? You can’t, all you have is my word. My spoken word.
Oct 25, 2016
Oct 25, 2016 at 2:41 PM UTC
Mom never said love would be an addiction
Dad never said love would stop your train of thought
Mom never said love would take away your breath
Dad never said love would blind you from the truth
Mom never said love would make you unable to live alone
Dad never said love would make you do crazy things
Mom never said love would make you think less of yourself.
Dad never said love would make you give your all
Mom never said love would take away your sense of being.
Dad never said… love would lead you to think of suicide
My parents never warned me about love.
They never said it could **** and oh god is it killing me.
May 3, 2016
May 3, 2016 at 2:39 PM UTC
I lost myself
The demons took over
I couldn't stop crying
Each of my wounds were open once again
They ripped them apart showing them to everyone
They laughed in my head saying how pathetic I was to fall for another girl
No one is suppose to love me back
No one is suppose to deal with the madness I call my thoughts, or the insanity I call my mind
No one as perfect as you is suppose to be with someone like me
Now that's insanity
But I have you and I'm trying really hard to not scare you away with the battle wounds I now posses
Not the ones that are on arms but the ones you can see through my eyes
You can see the regret and pain in them from past choices
I don't want you to leave
The thoughts are quiet when you're around and the demons leave me alone
It's like they know I can only be happy around you
And they don't want to disturb that happiness
I use to say living inside my mind was safer because it felt like home
I was wrong
I've never felt safer in anything else than in your arms
You're my home, and I don't want you to leave
Jan 21, 2016
Jan 21, 2016 at 1:50 PM UTC
things are blurry
I can't think straight
thoughts are bouncing off the walls
I'm losing my mind
make it stop
I need you here
why aren't you here
where did you go
why did you leave
when are you coming back
the thoughts are filled with you
you
you
you
I ****** up didn't I
I ****** up
I'm sorry
please come back
it's all I want
I want things to be okay again
are you okay
is the night treating you well
are you ever going to come back
why did I say that
why did I have to **** things up
I can't function without you
I'm trying not to cry
it's hard
it's hard to catch my breath
my lungs are collapsing
my throat is closing
my eyes are covered by unfallen tears
make it stop
is this what death feels like
I'd rather be dead than feel like this
I'd rather be in your arms
I'd rather things be okay
but they're not
I'm sorry
please come home
I worry about you
I worry something bad will happen
please I'm sorry
I didn't mean it
I was mad
I never should've said it
I'm gasping for air
I'm holding on
I'm a piece of nothing
a piece of ******* ****
my body is heavy
my heart is panicking
my lungs won't inflate
my mouth is wheezing
my mind is in a state of insanity
I keep writing
nothing seems to be working
you're not back yet
what if you're hurt
what if you're crying
what if I ****** up for good this time
I can't lose you
I can't contain these thoughts
I'm experiencing insanity
I keep thinking the same things
over and over again
hoping for a change
hoping you'll come home
but you won't
you won't
you won't
you won't
I miss you
I love you
I'm sorry
Nov 12, 2015
Nov 12, 2015 at 12:26 PM UTC
Darling, you are:
The oxygen in my lungs,
The thoughts that cloud my mind,
The blood that streams in my veins.
But then you left.
So won't you come back again?
Bring air that fills my lungs.
Bring yourself into my thoughts.
Bring feeling to my fingertips.
Without you in my life I'm:
Breathless,
Mindless,
Numb.
Jun 15, 2015
Jun 15, 2015 at 11:17 AM UTC
I am depression.
I am the emptiness you feel at 2am.
The tears with no meaning.
The pain when you smile.
I don't come alone.
I bring my closest friends.
We are the scars that cover your body.
The voice you despise,
But soon learn to trust.
I am the only thing you will feel.
A feeling when numb, it hurts even worse.
Jun 15, 2015
Jun 15, 2015 at 11:15 AM UTC
YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FORGET YOU AND EVERY ******* MONTH I SPENT WITH YOU? I SPENT HALF A YEAR WITH YOU. I FELL IN LOVE...I fell. AND **** DID I FALL HARD. THE CUTS AND SCARS ON MY LEGS DON'T EVEN COMPARE TO THE EMOTIONAL PAIN I FELT WHEN YOU WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I ****** UP. I KNOW THAT. I TOLD YOU FROM THE VERY BEGINNING I WOULD. YET YOU STILL ACT LIKE IT WAS A SURPRISE. YOU ACT AS IF I CAME HOME AND DECIDED TO MOVE OUT. IT WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL. YOU WERE MY HOME. AND I NEVER LEFT. YOU STILL ARE MY HOME. EVERYTHING WAS BASED AROUND YOU. I'M STILL HERE... HELLO? PLEASE OPEN UP, THERE'S A STORM COMING AND MY KNUCKLES ARE BLEEDING FROM KNOCKING ON THE DOOR. JUST LET ME COME HOME. PLEASE... I don't want to be locked out anymore.
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 2:31 PM UTC
I want to provide her with everything.
I want to be by her side when she faces her fears.
I want to give her the strength to do so.
Her words,
They mean everything.
I hang on to each word as if its oxygen.
Each breath I take is because of her.
I could fall,
and **** could I fall hard.
Bruises,
Broken ribs,
Cuts and scrapes.
None of it will matter.
She will pick me up,
and when she does I will be alright.
Her arms? Safety-net.
Her eyes? Reassurance.
Her smile? Happiness
Her? Home
She's more than okay and good enough.
She is everything beyond that.
I want her to be my home,
My security,
My okay,
My laugh.
I want her.
I want her to be mine.
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 2:27 PM UTC
I want you.
Right now.
Your lips on mine.
Your hand around my waist.
My lips on your neck.
My hands running through your hair.
Heavy breaths.
Deep stares.
I want you.
Right now.
In my bed.
Right next to me.
Holding me tight.
Talking about anything.
Gentle kisses in between thoughts.
Our tired eyes holding contact.
Slowly falling asleep
You,
All I ever want is you.
May 16, 2015
May 16, 2015 at 12:23 AM UTC
I want to scream all these lyrics that remind me of you. So hopefully you'll realize how much I ******* miss you, and just how much I think of you.
May 16, 2015
May 16, 2015 at 12:13 AM UTC