And I thought I was doing so well
I had this mask on and everything was fine and nobody suspected anything was wrong. Nobody knew you’d gone, why would they?
I’d even started to convince myself that I was going to be ok. That this time it wasn’t going to be as painful. That this time it wasn’t going to hurt quite so much.
After all we’d just never see or hear from each other again right? That always makes it easier to forget, once the pain goes. I mean its not like I didn’t try to talk to you to get you to hear my side but I never got the chance. So it was on with the mask and on with life as best I could.
Sure a couple of people noticed something was up but they just figured it was too much work or allergies and being guys knew better than to ask just in case I actually told them. We do things like that to each other, guys do.
But then today happened.
Today you came back ever so briefly, at least I think you did. You saw the mask and never bothered to look beyond. Just like everyone else.
You saw the mask and thought everything was fine when you couldn’t be further from the truth.
You thought everything was fine and that I’d moved on and I haven’t. I’m still in the big black ******* hole I’ve been in ever since you left. But how would you know. Why would you even care to find out. You left. You went. You and me, we were done. Because that’s what you wanted. Because you couldn’t see a future in it.
But then why did you come back?
If you had something to say you should have said it. You really should have said it.
I can still smell your perfume, you know.
I can still taste you.
I close my eye’s, and, you are still there.
This mask, this façade, this act that you think is about someone else is all about you. It always has been. These things I’ve written since you’ve been gone are things I wrote before you left. But couldn’t finish.
Now I finish them as a way of keeping you around. Pathetic isnt it.
And now the irony of it all, the true irony, it’s not what you think you know, but it’s that you may never know whats really happening.
Because I didn’t want the world to know just how broken I was.
Just how broken I am
Because until today,
even I didn’t know.
Jun 21, 2015
Jun 21, 2015 at 3:11 PM UTC
Everytime I'm near you, my body starts to shake.
When I'm away from you, my body begins to ache.
Every hug leaves me speechless.
Every kiss leaves me breathless.
Those three words make me quiver.
The though of us apart makes me shiver.
Together our love is untouchable,
apart were both vulnerable.
When our body's touch,
our soul becomes one.
Jun 21, 2015
Jun 21, 2015 at 3:05 PM UTC
Every year it comes
every year it goes
we spend a fortune promoting it, getting ready for it and giving in to it
it's advertised everywhere
spoken by everyone.
It's contagious, it makes us ill
it makes us worry, it makes us aggressive
it makes us rush around like our lives depended on it.
But every year when it comes we love it
every year when it goes we miss it
we spend a fortune to give people a moment of happiness
smiles and laughter
It's advertised everywhere to remind us of the good times
everyone speaks of it because it is so important
it's contagious but gives us joy
we worry and get aggressive because we care so much we want to make that one person happy
we rush but when you see those people smile it's worth it.
Merry Christmas
Jun 21, 2015
Jun 21, 2015 at 3:04 PM UTC
Walking down the street, you catch a glimpse of the most beautiful woman
And in a second, your life flashes by, she’s with you till the end
Your grave is freshly dug, she sheds a tear
You've not had enough of her, you refuse to leave
She goes home and your ghost follows
She holds a picture of the two of you, forces a smile
Dinner seems to be the most silent and most painful
The television helps, at times
The actors fall in love time and again, this gives her hope
They make her laugh, yet your ghost just sits there. Expressionless
She reads, and reads some more
Books seem to be her new love
The pile next to her bed grows weekly as she can’t stop turning the pages
An old friend visits her, they speak about you
She puts on a smile but she’s not ready yet
They drive down to the fields and the grass clears her mind if only for a while
Your ghost takes a walk and leave her be for a while, but it’s not done yet
Weeks pass, your ghost wanders
She smiles a lot more, even laughs time and again
Once again, she has others in stitches
The second passes.
She walks past.
And yet her ghost just sits there. Expressionless
Jun 21, 2015
Jun 21, 2015 at 3:02 PM UTC
She said it was alright
When a moment ago
I told her
I didn’t love her anymore
She said it was alright
When a lifetime ago
I told her
I couldn’t live up to her dreams
She said it was alright
When I got down to my knees
To give her an ordinary ring
Because I couldn’t afford anything else
She said it was alright
To any and everything
I had ever dared confess
She said it was alright
Because deep inside of her
Was a love for me, almost endless
It’s true, i could have tried harder
To please her, to love her
To appease her, to deserve her
But i didn’t, and i’ll tell you why
Many a night, i’d seen her cry
Alone and depressed
Confined and distressed
In the familial laws and rules that bind
That told her not to speak her mind
That crush her worse than i ever could
If only, she understood
All i wanted to do was to make her say
It’s not alright and slap my face
Take a knife and stab my heart
For pulling all her dreams apart
But she never said a thing
Bound by all those invisible strings
Perhaps it’s time to end this game
And save her before she goes insane
Save her from this world that binds her
Save her from the veil that blinds her
It won’t be easy but i’ll do my best
Take off her shackles and give her some rest
But she is one from millions in the world
I’ll save one from her prison
But what about the rest?
What about the millions that we blessed
With an eternal veil?
You won’t answer that
Neither will I
After all, who wants to give up a servant
For whom, everything is alright….
Jun 21, 2015
Jun 21, 2015 at 2:55 PM UTC
The walls of your soul that you
Toil away building;
The windows are dark and the
Bricks are unyielding...
( Hate, with a hammer, cracks the wall;
But Love, with a whisper, makes it fall. )
How many times have I told you, Believe?
And then will you learn how to truly Receive.
For giving is getting -- these two are the same;
And living is learning to dance in the rain.
Jun 21, 2015
Jun 21, 2015 at 2:52 PM UTC
I do not like this phase of a heart break.
When you purposely avoid love songs,
Or sometimes you play them just to make yourself feel like your hearts still pounding.
When the person you loved and hid from every waking soul is brought into a conversation.
Or when he isn't.
When you see other lovers who have made it years without the cruel hand of fate ripping their love from them.
Or when you see they haven't.
When you notice him writing you smaller, casual messages when they use to be breathtaking and beautiful.
Or when he doesn't write at all.
When I ask you if I am pushing you away and you say no.
*"Alright, happy birthday! Text me later tonight?"
"Will do"*
When every hidden goodbye ends with those two words. And my broken, belittled heart.
(i. r.)
May 24, 2015
May 24, 2015 at 4:35 PM UTC