my blank canvas arms
that feel empty without you
cold and boring
i miss the burn of your touch
i miss how spontaneous you were
i miss how you were a reminder of everything i could be
i miss how you made me feel better
there was this rush with you
how every time i saw you
i was almost elated
and disappointed
you were my legitimacy
my own point of intimacy
and as it turned out to be
you never loved me
i used you
and you used my body
to fuel your aspirations
of pain
and intentions
of hurt
because of you
im a flight risk
and all i want is to go somewhere over this rainbow
that only bleeds red
please don't leave me
i keep your love letters
in my pillowcase
and no need to fear
these blades
unlike grass
are not evergreen
my scars remain
spiderweb hairs
silver slivers of memories
caught in lies and deceit
please leave me here
because i believe you love me
and i love you
but i don't need you
anymore
Oct 3, 2017
Oct 3, 2017 at 2:20 PM UTC
A memory can be sweet as candy
Like a jawbreaker
It has many layers
With time
And patience
It will flake away
One
By
One
Each detail lost
Each color faded
Until you are left with the core
The heart of the story
Why you remember it
As you bite down
You remember it
It all comes flooding back
It releases the sweet memory
Across your tongue
Then you do what we all do in the face of candy
smile
Dec 6, 2016
Dec 6, 2016 at 11:58 AM UTC
Fake love that stretched me cheeks to a slope too steep and now my lies chaise me in my dreams who can sleep when happiness dictates you nightmares
Over exaggerating idealistic scenarios only to boost my hopes and motivation without any recognition of success for my to suppress who I am
Remorse of lost emotions that I never had the luxury of experiencing. Joy to watched children dance in the light and to the rhythm of laughter, punish me for my lack of interest in an idea so trivial, that only someone who doesn't know pain could accept
Gracious temporary hosts who held me close and told me to try, try again and were my only friends and who saw my end only to never let me go ever again
Individual alone time, lonely songs sang to the wall and the rooftops on my lungs while they are burning beneath me
Various memories infection my body; nerve spasms, flinching, clenching, screaming, shaking, horrific past events in which I had no control over much like my body
Everyone who left leaving only one to rely on, to lean on, to cling on to have my back to which I am lying flat, wind knocked out of me by reality
Dec 6, 2016
Dec 6, 2016 at 11:57 AM UTC
I know the depression is all in my head
I have it pretty severe
but it's nothing to dread
because I don't fear what's under my bed
I fear…
I fear…
Myself.
My depression isn't seasonal
it is induced by a simple thing
when I look in the mirror
and I feel I will never see a diamond ring
on this finger of mine
on this finger
because of my mind.
I look in the mirror and I see a monster
something that's clawing at my eyes
and hoping that someday I will just realize
that someday
some way
I will be okay.
they say it's all your perception
I say it's in my reflection
it's all that I need to know
that my life isn't real
and the things that I feel
are not okay.
The pile the medication,
one after another until I feel nothing is left,
because nothing will ever be right.
I start falling asleep in class
thing is I never wanted to wake up in the first place.
I don't want to open my eyes and see my classmates laughing at me
because
of what I see in the mirror.
Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 2:27 PM UTC
Please don't try to fix me
With glitter glue and scotch tape
If you try to mend something that isn't broken
It will surely break
Please don't try to fix me
I am who i'm suppose to be
Please don't sand my rough edges
I'm growing restless
Just dont fix me
Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 2:23 PM UTC
I don't know if it's love
Or if maybe I’m just afraid
That you'll go back to the
Real world
And you'll forget my name
And I don't know how you feel
But I'm asking just in case
If you saw me in a crowd
Would you say my name out loud
Or would you let me be just another face
Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 2:20 PM UTC
I expected him to fill me
To fill the void in my soul
And that it would be filled to the brim
So high it would overflow
With love
But it was not love
I still try to shake the memory
Dumping the glass
Throwing it
Having it shatter
Oh yes
He filled me
But I have never felt so empty
Because when he filled me
He did not complete me
And yes
There is a difference
Oct 10, 2016
Oct 10, 2016 at 11:48 AM UTC
I'm a mixed drink
Half desperation
Half infatuation
Drink me
I want to taste me on your lips when we kiss
I'll become intoxicated
The fermentation
A bittersweet sensation
Love me
Allow yourself to be susceptible to alcoholism
Because I'm a mixed drink
Half desperation
Half infatuation
And nobody likes to drink alone
Oct 9, 2016
Oct 9, 2016 at 12:44 PM UTC
I don't want to relapse
But honestly I don't care
I want it drink *****
I have nothing to lose
I want someone to **** me
And pull my hair
I want to never eat again
Or run far far away
I want to cut my body into a million pieces
I want to be ashamed
I want to eat 4 pizzas
And I want to cry
I want to sleep for a week
And I want to die
I never want to bathe myself
And I never want to leave my house
But I want to never be alone
And I want a family and a spouse
I don't give a **** about my grades
Just leave me by myself
I just want to get out and party
But I also have a gun hidden on the bookshelf
I want to drive my car
And never stop
I want to do ******** drugs
And get arrested by the cops
I want to cut off all my hair
Get tattoos and piercings
I want to become a ******
I want to jump off a building
I want to get help
But perhaps
This time I'll die
And have it be my last relapse
Oct 8, 2016
Oct 8, 2016 at 11:11 AM UTC
Above the pain and the sorrow
above the grueling years
above the today that needs tomorrow
above an angel's tears
below the bottom of the seas
below the kick under the belt
below the buzz of the honey bees
below the pain that she felt
Besides the fact that she lost
besides the fact she thought she had won
besides the kiss from jack frost
besides the melting soul under the compelling sun
in front of the death toll line
in front of the brave
in front of the directing sign
in front of the things we save
behind the thing in which we sought
behind her only friend
behind the memories they forgot
behind the last or the end
Oct 7, 2016
Oct 7, 2016 at 5:55 PM UTC