that night i stripped my inhibitions
i only wore my nervous laughter that night
still carrying energy from the harrowing experiences atop great highways held moments before
the day of excitement turned into a relaxed adventure
hopping the fence was the hardest part
but soon after,
the water slid onto my skin like a pair of old shoes. nothing had felt more natural in my entire life. the clarity of the liquid made no secret of the slopes that line my sides, and the bareness of my being simply was. the bubbles that rose to greet me with a pop! flourished as if the big bang was happening all over again, in the form of a great teenage girl jumping into a pool. everything about it felt vulnerable, and nothing about it made me care.
Oct 1, 2012
Oct 1, 2012 at 2:47 AM UTC
so much
remember how we got really very lost in st. augustine, and ended up finding somewhere beautiful on unfamiliar beaches, smoking a bowl next to a oceanside bar dimly lit with christmas lights that was playing one good song after another?
remember how you looked at me the first time we intertwined, alone, laid in big fields, and i noted, how your eyes looked like the freshest honey? the air was full of blossoming love
last night i rolled into you and my head fit right into the nook where your arm meets your shoulder. i said, you are like markham park in the winter time. seeing you is like seeing the excitement i had when i first saw snow, and oh how i expected it to resemble big asterisks falling from bloated clouds, because i live in florida, and that’s all i’d seen.
the bitter cold that settles into a comfortable warmth once you slip on another layer leaves me in a satiated daze. my eyes well up with the thought of you. memories of our shared existence streak past my cheeks and drip off my jaw.
we were laying on the floor.
i jolted and you embraced me.
it was night, and i rubbed your nose, just like my favorite song said to do.
Oct 1, 2012
Oct 1, 2012 at 2:40 AM UTC
when i asked you to take me away from
myself you only asked how,
and didn’t sigh like the others
or turn away from me faster than the tide pulls back
from a reluctant shore
i don’t know why i kept coming back
but i’m glad i did and
you didn’t know either but
you accepted me anyways
and eventually grew in my direction
it’s a mystery i’ll never solve why you’re as precious as you are
i will tend to the flower of you
as long as my joints will glide
above our heads the sky is lit up
and it never goes dark
like my mind that is always thinking of you
even at night when the stars come out
my dreams tense up when you appear
Oct 1, 2012
Oct 1, 2012 at 2:37 AM UTC
as long as my fingers
are entwined in yours
and i see the soft curls of your hair
beside me
i will know that everything is okay
and even after you’re gone
your smell resides in my sheets
maybe you’re always here
and maybe everything is always okay
Aug 10, 2012
Aug 10, 2012 at 9:49 PM UTC
you have a sort of frightening beauty, i thought, and moved my hands down your sides. not in a way that’s scary, but in a way that really makes you stop. and listen. i’m listening to the way you look tonight. i’m hearing everything i’ve ever wanted to hear. it’s like observing for the first time, myself, a child visiting you, the museum, or noticing the vibrant and voracious appearance of something you’ve never really looked at before. that’s what makes it frightening. the way you could pass by something a million times and never once really look at it. and when you do, perceptions of anything but the entrancing allurement stop. you are that way, except i know you, i know your face, your body, the way your lips lock into mine, and the hard lines that outline your jaw. i could go on and on describing each perfect square inch of your figure. you’re radiant.
then you looked at me and your eyes turned golden, and oh how in that instant i thought about how i knew you like i knew god, which is all too well, yet as though i’d never even seen anything like your kind of beauty before, every single time my eyes fall onto you. i said, “get naked and come into bed with me” and you responded “don’t tell me what to do” before taking your clothes off and wrapping into those soft blankets with me.
Aug 10, 2012
Aug 10, 2012 at 9:46 PM UTC
i like going to sleep with the sweet feeling of you still resonating really loudly within me. you’re like a taste i can’t consume, or an aura i can’t define, invisible breath, visible heartbeat. lay on my breast, let me run my fingers across the outlines, and the valleys of your shape.
Aug 10, 2012
Aug 10, 2012 at 9:43 PM UTC
i have never believed in god
and never will
but i do believe in love
and jesus christ, the way you make me feel
so holy
like the pews that line the path to redemption
the stained glass shining down on the collective belief of something else being out there
i will pray for you because you
are the closest thing to god
i have ever believed in
Mar 25, 2012
Mar 25, 2012 at 2:27 PM UTC
it has been
another night
another night of a dimly lit bedroom filled with incense and the
sad sound of fingers hitting a keyboard, scrawling words onto paper
in a desperate attempt to get out everything i need to say to you
this, this immense loneliness
seemingly irreversible solitude
is greeted by your silence
and i am too ******* stupid
i am so, so ******* stupid
for ever allowing myself to feel close to someone again
but you snuck up on me,
you truly did
it was not something i could sit and think about thinking about
you came up behind me
and you swept me away to another place
the euphoria of all ecstasy and the emotions
i am so full of
are driving me wild
wild,
like the nature that surrounds us
wild,
like my hair when we go 90 on 595
i feel small and vulnerable and scared. i feel out of control of the way i feel. admitting this makes me want to cry. i can no longer attempt to put this into an artful form. from now on it will be raw.
my mind is absolutely racing. i want you so badly, badly like the power of ten thousand storms that shake my windows on summer nights home alone with only cartoons making sound in the house, cartoons that scare the **** out of me in four in the morning when the tornado drills come on
i need to have you in my life because i dont want pain. pain is something we all have to experience though, and if you dont want to be a part of my life, or at least not as i want you to be, then i have to accept it. and more than just accepting it, i have to realize it is okay to move on. i just really thought you were something special, i still do think this, and i just
you leave me with such a void
i wish you knew
and i know that it is stupid
so i bury it very very deep
and i feel
very very sad
and i feel
very blue
Mar 25, 2012
Mar 25, 2012 at 2:24 PM UTC
kiss my lips
kiss my hips
make me slip
head over heels for you
Mar 25, 2012
Mar 25, 2012 at 2:22 PM UTC
and sometimes my teenage body ponders things
like why a pretty girl would ever be depressed
and why the humanity of things is the way it is
why is it okay to care for animals more than humans?
there are bees in the air and statues in the grass
i've got to thinking, been thinking and thinking
i'm a ********* in my own way
eruptions of jealousy, waves of rage
and that final shake of an earthquake
why should i be the one to feed the machine
when the world around me gave me some kind of need
Mar 25, 2012
Mar 25, 2012 at 2:21 PM UTC