Do you love me?
You roll to a stop at the red light
Cars speed forward in front of us
All containing people with their own questions that could crumble their worlds
They are all unaware that I just asked the question that could crumble mine
Do you love me?
The red light reflects off of your face
It casts deep shadows under your eyes and jawbone
Like the deep maroon is outlining where I had trailed my lips just hours before
A dark road map showing the weakness I have for the softest parts of you
You blink once
Twice
Three times
Your lips part to say something but they stop and instead let out a deep breath
I see your thumb touch your middle finger on the steering wheel and glide in a circular motion almost as to soothe yourself
Do you love me?
The light turns green
And this time you speed forward before I can see the shadows on your face
Instead you're thrown into darkness as we drive the busy night streets
Each passing streetlight illuminates you just long enough for me to see the internal struggle happening between your eyebrows
I can hear the wind blow over my ears even though all the windows are closed
I want to touch you
But what's more, I want you to touch me
I measure the minutes by how many times you almost say my name
But stop short
And then we're in my driveway
Resting at a stop with the cool night air threatening to crush your car to a pulp
Do you...
You look at me
Love me?
You look down and your eyes stay there
I see no shadows on your hidden face
And then I'm moving my body in one smooth motion to escape the trap you've set for me in your stupid car on this stupid night with your stupid lips and your stupid laugh and your too tender words that shatter when they should soothe
One foot on the ground
Then two
One step
Two
Three
Four
Deliberately away from you and the poison that you sung into my veins
Away from your touch that felt simultaneously like frostbite and heatstroke
You don't run after me
You don't yell my name in panicked deliberation
Instead
You put your car in reverse and pull out in one motion
Careful not to glide over the lawn and leave track marks to remind me of the place you almost had me pinned down to you
And so I am left with fire in my veins and ice in my cheeks on my front step
Fists clenched in tight determination to not let the stars see me cry for you
Because I am too beautiful to be shedding tears over someone who can't whisper my name
Or touch my hands
I am too lovely to spill over myself for someone who is a closed bottle of emotion and lovelessness
I am too full to be drained by someone without the ability to synthesize their own being
I am too brave to let someone steal my hands and wrap them up to never come undone
I am too good for you
I am
And you know it
Aug 26, 2014
Aug 26, 2014 at 6:43 PM UTC
You are tiny
You are the fly that buzzes around the face
Of the Dalai Lama
You are the wind that touches the fire and makes it waver
But never puts it out
You are the single drop of rain
That threatens a beautiful summer day
You are the whisper of doubt in the back of everyones' head
Although you are a very tiny whisper
You are a screaming child who doesn't get his ice cream
You are the needy pet that begs for scraps
Even though they've been fed everyday
You are tiny
And I don't need to think about you anymore
People don't concern themselves with
Flies
So I shouldn't concern myself with you
And like the breeze and rain will pass with time,
So shall you pass too
And when that child grows up begging for more in life
Because that's all he knows
He will be put down and told to be quiet
Because nobody likes a whiny adult
So I will not think about you anymore
Because you are a raindrop
And I am a hurricane
Sep 8, 2013
Sep 8, 2013 at 2:22 AM UTC
Tell me pretty lies.
And even if they aren't true tomorrow,
At least they'll help me sleep
Tonight.
Aug 5, 2013
Aug 5, 2013 at 11:46 PM UTC
Do not fall in love with people like me.
People who will woo you
Easily
With pretty words
And love songs
And made up dreams that they maybe had at 2am when they might have woken up and thought of your face before anything else.
Do not fall in love with us.
Because we are liars.
We say exactly to you
What we wish you would say to us.
And when you don't say those things
We close off
And say mean things
That ring with more sincerity
Than our descriptions
Of the made up dreams.
Do not take our pretty words
And tell them to yourself
Over and over.
Because,
To be completely honest,
We may or may not even mean them.
And most importantly
Do not expect us
To fall in love with you.
Because we won't.
We only take pleasure
In making you fall so hard for us
And our lies and false confessions
And empty promises.
We take no pleasure
In letting ourselves fall.
Because we believe
That all people are like us.
We believe
That nobody will be there
To catch us.
Aug 5, 2013
Aug 5, 2013 at 1:21 PM UTC
I never keep people around for long
And I think that's because
Nobody I've ever talked to
Has stayed up
All night with me
While I suffer from insomnia
And panic
And sadness
I've been told before
"I love you"
But nobody has ever seen me
When I'm curled up
With my head in my hands
Crying to myself
Because I know someday
I'm going to die
And while I've loved many people
I can't say
I've ever been in love
Aug 2, 2013
Aug 2, 2013 at 10:09 PM UTC
But now the tiny pieces of myself
Are coming back together
And the splotches of paint
And emotion
Are intertwining themselves into a beautiful picture
That shows of love
And loss
And recovery
And I'm seeing for the first time
That sometimes you need to be broken
In order to put yourself back together
Aug 2, 2013
Aug 2, 2013 at 8:48 AM UTC
I've never been broken before
But you broke me that night
You split my being into tiny microscopic pieces
Every emotion I've ever felt about You
Was split apart and ripped open and thrown into the newly cracked parts
Of myself
The love I felt for you was broken down and thrown into a mix
Of sadness and regret and anger
So that is wasn't pure anymore
It was messily splatter painted on the insides of my mind
It wasn't just red love and passion and trust
It was stained
With black anger
And green envy
And yellow betrayal
And so many other colors and emotions that I couldn't keep it all
Straight
It was just a muddle of fuzzy images that were once so sharp and clean
Everything was thrown
Out of focus
And you were at the center
Twisting the images
And throwing the paint
And ripping the cracks deeper and deeper with every word you said
Or didn't say
I've never been broken before
But you broke me that night
Aug 1, 2013
Aug 1, 2013 at 1:52 PM UTC
I hope someday
When I ask that someone
"Why do you love me?"
They'll respond with:
"It's the light in your eyes when you write" or
"Because of the way you walk to the bathroom when you have to *** at 2am" or even
"Because you make me a better version of myself"
Because right now
When I ask you
You obviously have any idea why
And I guess that's fine
But I wish you could tell me
What makes you keep
Coming back.
Because I think
Someday
You'll wake up
And realize that there's no reason
For you to love me anymore
And then you'll be gone
And I'll be left with
An unreasonable sense
That I'm unloveable
Jul 30, 2013
Jul 30, 2013 at 2:34 PM UTC
You sleep over a lot
But I forgot a long time ago
What it feels like
To fall asleep
In your arms
Jul 29, 2013
Jul 29, 2013 at 12:51 AM UTC
I lean over and breath to you:
"Goodnight. I love you"
And you respond with nothing more
Than a sign.
Because you fell asleep
Like you always do
Without saying goodnight first
Jul 29, 2013
Jul 29, 2013 at 12:15 AM UTC