imaginationcollaborator

The day I tried to **** myself is the day our friendship died. It was the same day you wouldn't shut up about How I should do the musical. When once again, you weren't listening to me. When the night of the disco. It was not you who comforted me. Like I had been trying to do for you all night. It was someone who at the time I barely knew. When you equated your break-up to me trying to **** myself. And being omitted to a mental hospital for it. When you swore you had anxiety again because tumblr told you so. When you called my sister a ***** When you said my sister was beneath someone. When you called my sister a spaded **** When you told me you didn't care. When you said you "didn't want to go down for manslaughter". When you called me stupid when all I had was smart for so long. When you convinced me living for someone else was good enough. When all you have ever done is put me down. When all you ever told me to ve was someone I'm not. I refuse to forgive you for this. This is the day I finally bury our friendship. When we are old and meet again, I will not pretend to know you. As you have done for so long with me. I will drift past you with vacant eyes. I will know you are nothing more than A ghost of my past. I refuse to let you stain my future.

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Feb 22, 2015

Feb 22, 2015 at 1:16 PM UTC

To Michael Heneghan.

The day I tried to **** myself is the day our friendship died. It was the same day you wouldn't shut up about How I should do the musical. When once again, you weren't listening to me. When the night of the disco. It was not you who comforted me. Like I had been trying to do for you all night. It was someone who at the time I barely knew. When you equated your break-up to me trying to **** myself. And being omitted to a mental hospital for it. When you swore you had anxiety again because tumblr told you so. When you called my sister a ***** When you said my sister was beneath someone. When you called my sister a spaded **** When you told me you didn't care. When you said you "didn't want to go down for manslaughter". When you called me stupid when all I had was smart for so long. When you convinced me living for someone else was good enough. When all you have ever done is put me down. When all you ever told me to ve was someone I'm not. I refuse to forgive you for this. This is the day I finally bury our friendship. When we are old and meet again, I will not pretend to know you. As you have done for so long with me. I will drift past you with vacant eyes. I will know you are nothing more than A ghost of my past. I refuse to let you stain my future.

27

I'm lying in the dark Lying to myself Because it's easier to do Than except the truth Happiness doesn't last And neither does my sanity. I don't want to slip. I don't want to go back. Life don't make me miserable again Can you see me trying? Am I not good enough for you? Life do you see? Life do you see me struggle? Life do you see me try? Life do you see me huddle? Life do you see me cry? Life do you see me helpless? Life do you see me whimper? Life do you see me hopeless? Life do you see me whisper? What can you see? Do you see my unhappiness?

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Feb 8, 2015

Feb 8, 2015 at 6:19 PM UTC

Do you see?

22

I don't know what to do I despise you I forced an apology out of you You made excuses. You think things have been bad for you You self diagnose yourself You don't know what you have. I know you are wrong. I asked did you care? I begged you to stop. I wondered were we friends. You replied no. You were never good to me You were selfish and narcissistic You were an emotional abuser I want you to be sorry. I want you to stop coming over and rubbing in my face that my life is **** and yours is great. I want you to stop being around. I want you to stop existing in my life. I hate I've kissed you. I hate I called you my favourite person in the world. I hate that it was true. I hate what you did, what you have done, and what you will do. But I'm not sure if I hate you yet.

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Feb 2, 2015

Feb 2, 2015 at 6:31 PM UTC

Untitled

I don't know what to do I despise you I forced an apology out of you You made excuses. You think things have been bad for you You self diagnose yourself You don't know what you have. I know you are wrong. I asked did you care? I begged you to stop. I wondered were we friends. You replied no. You were never good to me You were selfish and narcissistic You were an emotional abuser I want you to be sorry. I want you to stop coming over and rubbing in my face that my life is **** and yours is great. I want you to stop being around. I want you to stop existing in my life. I hate I've kissed you. I hate I called you my favourite person in the world. I hate that it was true. I hate what you did, what you have done, and what you will do. But I'm not sure if I hate you yet.

24

"Take a good look and Tell me who it is That I am." I do not see The eyes of hazel-green I see pits I see chasms I see soulless windows The hair of fiery bronze I see rats tails I see dishevelled wisps I see dirt, mud and grease The straight nose I see the lumps I see the blackheads that could inhale you I see a witches crook The mouth I see thin worms stretched I see steel fences, electric, unyielding and snapping shut at intruders I see razor-like daggers "Take a good look and Tell me who it is That I am." You see me now. You know who I am. You know what I am.

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Oct 17, 2014

Oct 17, 2014 at 8:32 PM UTC

A Good Look

"Take a good look and Tell me who it is That I am." I do not see The eyes of hazel-green I see pits I see chasms I see soulless windows The hair of fiery bronze I see rats tails I see dishevelled wisps I see dirt, mud and grease The straight nose I see the lumps I see the blackheads that could inhale you I see a witches crook The mouth I see thin worms stretched I see steel fences, electric, unyielding and snapping shut at intruders I see razor-like daggers "Take a good look and Tell me who it is That I am." You see me now. You know who I am. You know what I am.

26

Is it alright if I don't wake Having never fallen asleep. It's okay that my wrists ache And suddenly, I need to bleed. This cage of mine is of outward beauty But traps my every dream. I find no joy in this life of mine. I can no longer try.

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Sep 14, 2014

Sep 14, 2014 at 8:13 AM UTC

I keep trying to cheer up. But it's no good.

Is it alright if I don't wake Having never fallen asleep. It's okay that my wrists ache And suddenly, I need to bleed. This cage of mine is of outward beauty But traps my every dream. I find no joy in this life of mine. I can no longer try.

8

And once again, all was nothing. Nothing mattered, nothing was important. And she was alone again. And had finally decided that. That mysteries of mysteries. To ask death to come.

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Sep 9, 2014

Sep 9, 2014 at 1:19 PM UTC

Untitled

And once again, all was nothing. Nothing mattered, nothing was important. And she was alone again. And had finally decided that. That mysteries of mysteries. To ask death to come.

6

And everything is alright now, isn't it? You're feeling better now, aren't you? The doctors work, dont they? You're happy now, yes? Nothing is wrong now. It's all better now. Isn't it?

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Aug 31, 2014

Aug 31, 2014 at 7:18 PM UTC

The questions I see them asking

And everything is alright now, isn't it? You're feeling better now, aren't you? The doctors work, dont they? You're happy now, yes? Nothing is wrong now. It's all better now. Isn't it?

7

Snow white. The headless rabbit running Through my childhood nostalgic nightmares. I remember you. Jimmy. My second father. My only father. I remember you. Fiona. An object. I know not who you are. I do not want to remember you.

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Aug 22, 2014

Aug 22, 2014 at 9:18 PM UTC

Forgotten names

Snow white. The headless rabbit running Through my childhood nostalgic nightmares. I remember you. Jimmy. My second father. My only father. I remember you. Fiona. An object. I know not who you are. I do not want to remember you.

12

How do I tell you Without you getting scared. How do I let you know That nothing's alright. How do I tell you Not to care. What should I say When I tell you I self harm? What will you hear when I tell you I've planned my death A thousand times? What do I say when I Already have an execution date?

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Aug 19, 2014

Aug 19, 2014 at 9:17 PM UTC

Untitled

How do I tell you Without you getting scared. How do I let you know That nothing's alright. How do I tell you Not to care. What should I say When I tell you I self harm? What will you hear when I tell you I've planned my death A thousand times? What do I say when I Already have an execution date?

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After many attempts And thoughts of goodbye. I hope this is it. I hope that I die.

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Jul 28, 2014

Jul 28, 2014 at 8:24 PM UTC

Untitled

After many attempts And thoughts of goodbye. I hope this is it. I hope that I die.

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