The day I tried to **** myself is the day our friendship died.
It was the same day you wouldn't shut up about
How I should do the musical.
When once again, you weren't listening to me.
When the night of the disco. It was not you who comforted me.
Like I had been trying to do for you all night.
It was someone who at the time I barely knew.
When you equated your break-up to me trying to **** myself.
And being omitted to a mental hospital for it.
When you swore you had anxiety again because tumblr told you so.
When you called my sister a *****
When you said my sister was beneath someone.
When you called my sister a spaded ****
When you told me you didn't care.
When you said you "didn't want to go down for manslaughter".
When you called me stupid when all I had was smart for so long.
When you convinced me living for someone else was good enough.
When all you have ever done is put me down.
When all you ever told me to ve was someone I'm not.
I refuse to forgive you for this.
This is the day I finally bury our friendship.
When we are old and meet again, I will not pretend to know you.
As you have done for so long with me.
I will drift past you with vacant eyes.
I will know you are nothing more than
A ghost of my past.
I refuse to let you stain my future.
Feb 22, 2015
Feb 22, 2015 at 1:16 PM UTC
I'm lying in the dark
Lying to myself
Because it's easier to do
Than except the truth
Happiness doesn't last
And neither does my sanity.
I don't want to slip.
I don't want to go back.
Life don't make me miserable again
Can you see me trying?
Am I not good enough for you?
Life do you see?
Life do you see me struggle?
Life do you see me try?
Life do you see me huddle?
Life do you see me cry?
Life do you see me helpless?
Life do you see me whimper?
Life do you see me hopeless?
Life do you see me whisper?
What can you see?
Do you see my unhappiness?
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 6:19 PM UTC
I don't know what to do
I despise you
I forced an apology out of you
You made excuses.
You think things have been bad for you
You self diagnose yourself
You don't know what you have.
I know you are wrong.
I asked did you care?
I begged you to stop.
I wondered were we friends.
You replied no.
You were never good to me
You were selfish and narcissistic
You were an emotional abuser
I want you to be sorry.
I want you to stop coming over and rubbing in my face that my life is **** and yours is great.
I want you to stop being around.
I want you to stop existing in my life.
I hate I've kissed you.
I hate I called you my favourite person in the world.
I hate that it was true.
I hate what you did, what you have done, and what you will do.
But I'm not sure if I hate you yet.
Feb 2, 2015
Feb 2, 2015 at 6:31 PM UTC
You should go to therapy
Well you should open your eyes
Don't pretend im the only one dead inside
I just show it
More than i can say of you
You hid it all behind all you jokes
A meaniless thing to do
So who.needs freaking therapy
Definitely not me
I know how i am
And i have people who care for me
Unlike you who actually needs therapy
Dec 20, 2014
Dec 20, 2014 at 10:00 PM UTC
I text hi
You text hey
Instantly I wish I’d said that instead because Hi makes me sound clingy
I count the minutes between our texts
You ask how I am
I say I’m good who are you
You say not bad :)
I say that’s good :)
And we are back to square one.
Conversations of k lol cool and ya
The kind I hate
Then we play questions
And you ask me questions that are so deep, it surprises me
I’m intrigued
You’re different
I tell you the truth
About so many things I’m used to lying about
I am getting so close to telling you
My secrets
My unpretty ones
The ones I’ve been keeping
I said you know all that you need to about me
But I lied
I’m sorry
But you lied too
You text me you’ll be there when I return
Waiting for me
You might have said the sweetest things anybody has ever said to me
But you change your mind too easily
I travelled so far and thought of you
Every day I was away
I bought you something special
But you never got it
Because when I got back
You were there
But not really
You were distant
And you said remember how I liked you?
I notice you put it in past tense
Okay
That’s fine
It doesn’t consume me
At least I didn’t let myself get attached
Because usually when I lose someone
The pain never fades
At least you didn’t give me time
To fall in love with you and your lovely words
Lovely
Lovely
Lovely
You ruined the word for me
I wish I didn’t have to keep that special gift I had for you
But I can’t bring myself to get rid of it
And I used it a couple times myself so it didn’t go to waste
But now it haunts me too much to touch
So it sits on a shelf
And isn’t broken
But it’s just a little sad
Kind of like me
And what is behind the words
The words I gave you
Thank God I never told you my secrets
You couldn’t have handled them
And then that would mean I trusted you
With it all
And I really couldn’t handle losing someone
Who I trust
Because it’s worse than losing someone who I love
But still thank God I didn’t fall in love with you
I’m hiding something behind the words still though
It isn’t that bad
you didn't break me or anything
but still
I’m just a little sad.
Repost if you know the feeling
Oct 17, 2014
Oct 17, 2014 at 8:49 PM UTC
"Take a good look and
Tell me who it is
That I am."
I do not see
The eyes of hazel-green
I see pits
I see chasms
I see soulless windows
The hair of fiery bronze
I see rats tails
I see dishevelled wisps
I see dirt, mud and grease
The straight nose
I see the lumps
I see the blackheads that could inhale you
I see a witches crook
The mouth
I see thin worms stretched
I see steel fences, electric, unyielding and snapping shut at intruders
I see razor-like daggers
"Take a good look and
Tell me who it is
That I am."
You see me now.
You know who I am.
You know what I am.
Oct 17, 2014
Oct 17, 2014 at 8:32 PM UTC
Is it alright if I don't wake
Having never fallen asleep.
It's okay that my wrists ache
And suddenly, I need to bleed.
This cage of mine is of outward beauty
But traps my every dream.
I find no joy in this life of mine.
I can no longer try.
Sep 14, 2014
Sep 14, 2014 at 8:13 AM UTC
And once again, all was nothing.
Nothing mattered, nothing was important.
And she was alone again.
And had finally decided that.
That mysteries of mysteries.
To ask death to come.
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 1:19 PM UTC
And everything is alright now, isn't it?
You're feeling better now, aren't you?
The doctors work, dont they?
You're happy now, yes?
Nothing is wrong now.
It's all better now.
Isn't it?
Aug 31, 2014
Aug 31, 2014 at 7:18 PM UTC
When I fall
I pull people down with me
When I break
The shards cut the people around me
When I get lost
I bring people into my labyrinth of life with me
I'm not stuck up
because im no longer speaking
I just dont want to make you feel that hurt I am feeling
because that is what happens
when people become friends with me
Aug 25, 2014
Aug 25, 2014 at 1:35 PM UTC