ily-georgia - Hello Poetry

In 2015, I was sad and in 2016, I am still sad because I got left behnd in 2012 when everything went bad.

0

Jan 10, 2016

Jan 10, 2016 at 3:15 PM UTC

In 2015, I was sad and in 2016, I am still sad because I got left behnd in 2012 when everything went bad.

3 a.m. and I'm thinking again. Yes or no, do I stay or go? At night I fly no goodbyes or sweet lullabies just wind beneath my wings. My hair blown back a smile on my face, this is it. This is my race. So why does my stomach start to twist and the sky darkens as my feeling of being fulfilled turns into me being full of what-ifs? What if I were to die tomorrow? What if i'm not liked? What if the clouds fell down and all my achievements earned were frowns? What if my paranoia presents as reality and I forget to breathe? Will I stay or go, yes or no? Is it worth the wait if what it gets me isn't gain? Is it worth the try, to trudge through this pain when I fail to sleep every night's the same. I'm worn out and my time has run thin. 6 a.m. and time to start my day again.

0

Jan 9, 2016

Jan 9, 2016 at 5:35 PM UTC

Night

3 a.m. and I'm thinking again. Yes or no, do I stay or go? At night I fly no goodbyes or sweet lullabies just wind beneath my wings. My hair blown back a smile on my face, this is it. This is my race. So why does my stomach start to twist and the sky darkens as my feeling of being fulfilled turns into me being full of what-ifs? What if I were to die tomorrow? What if i'm not liked? What if the clouds fell down and all my achievements earned were frowns? What if my paranoia presents as reality and I forget to breathe? Will I stay or go, yes or no? Is it worth the wait if what it gets me isn't gain? Is it worth the try, to trudge through this pain when I fail to sleep every night's the same. I'm worn out and my time has run thin. 6 a.m. and time to start my day again.

40

Absolutely average. I can play the piano, I'm alright at it. I can draw, they're good pictures, but I never finish through. I can write a poem, happy, sad, or blue. But never will I ever actually impress you.

0

Jan 6, 2016

Jan 6, 2016 at 1:15 PM UTC

Average

Absolutely average. I can play the piano, I'm alright at it. I can draw, they're good pictures, but I never finish through. I can write a poem, happy, sad, or blue. But never will I ever actually impress you.

10

let me shove my theories down your throat. This is what I hear everytime someone comes to me asking if I have a minute to talk about "our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ" Don't get me wrong I support christians. I went to church for 10 years just to learn about the religion. But why should I bow down to people who told me daily that I, as a woman who loves loving women, am going to go to hell? Who told me one of my big brothers was going to go to hell aswell? Him being a man who loves loving men. They told me my other brother would burn eternally too and that his child, concieved out of wedlock, was a mistake. Repent or burn, they hiss but act as though they're different from the serpent that so deviantly tempted Eve with desires of forbidden fruit. My big sister, is foretold a future of damnation, for trying to take her life 7 times. They say it's a hard path to choose to take, walking with God, But to ask for forgiveness and ye shall be saved. What if my detours distract me and i end up with the destination to flames. I could give up who I am, say i'm clean of the mental illness labelled homosexuality. God says do not to lie. God says do not to be jealous of what my neighbors have and my neighbors are straight, God. I wanted for years not to be gay, Lord, and I have cried upon the shoulders of great christians because I wished I wasn't. Christians who I owe my sanity too because although they did not support my "lifestyle", they supported me, God. They loved me regardless because you said love thy neighbor. You said, do not be prideful, but Lord, some of your followers, they held their noses in the air and the looked down at me. Named themselves, better. Judge and ye sha'll be judged just as harshly, you said. So I pray, father do not let my neighbors pay they were ignorant and they still are. They said with some writings you have to read between the lines but sometimes they missed the words that were already there, God. They made me ache over what I was, what I am. I thought there was something wrong with me, Lord and there was a time i'd look to the sky and i'd ask for something seemingly simple, i'd say " now, I know i've been bad but please-" and I'd beg for what I wanted. I'd say i'd try to be good, whether for the day or for a few weeks. I believed in you and sometimes, just sometimes i'd get what I asked for, but there was always a catch, Lord. I was always thrown an attemtped suicude or another runaway and I would cry for nights so I wouldn't to other people. I'd think it was wrong of me, to ask for a favor, being such a sinner. I didn't want to go to hell, but facing reality felt like the preview. I'm learning to live with myself, God, Because for those 10 years I was as gay as I am now, but I wanted to be washed away of my sins. My burdens to be lifted off my shoulders, I wanted to be a good kid. I wanted my parents to love me more and I wanted to not be bad anymore, but Father I have sinned and I still do. I was just a kid and I still am. Still, I thank you for experience, life-long lessons. But, God, do I resent you.

0

Oct 7, 2015

Oct 7, 2015 at 12:19 PM UTC

If You Have a Minute

let me shove my theories down your throat. This is what I hear everytime someone comes to me asking if I have a minute to talk about "our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ" Don't get me wrong I support christians. I went to church for 10 years just to learn about the religion. But why should I bow down to people who told me daily that I, as a woman who loves loving women, am going to go to hell? Who told me one of my big brothers was going to go to hell aswell? Him being a man who loves loving men. They told me my other brother would burn eternally too and that his child, concieved out of wedlock, was a mistake. Repent or burn, they hiss but act as though they're different from the serpent that so deviantly tempted Eve with desires of forbidden fruit. My big sister, is foretold a future of damnation, for trying to take her life 7 times. They say it's a hard path to choose to take, walking with God, But to ask for forgiveness and ye shall be saved. What if my detours distract me and i end up with the destination to flames. I could give up who I am, say i'm clean of the mental illness labelled homosexuality. God says do not to lie. God says do not to be jealous of what my neighbors have and my neighbors are straight, God. I wanted for years not to be gay, Lord, and I have cried upon the shoulders of great christians because I wished I wasn't. Christians who I owe my sanity too because although they did not support my "lifestyle", they supported me, God. They loved me regardless because you said love thy neighbor. You said, do not be prideful, but Lord, some of your followers, they held their noses in the air and the looked down at me. Named themselves, better. Judge and ye sha'll be judged just as harshly, you said. So I pray, father do not let my neighbors pay they were ignorant and they still are. They said with some writings you have to read between the lines but sometimes they missed the words that were already there, God. They made me ache over what I was, what I am. I thought there was something wrong with me, Lord and there was a time i'd look to the sky and i'd ask for something seemingly simple, i'd say " now, I know i've been bad but please-" and I'd beg for what I wanted. I'd say i'd try to be good, whether for the day or for a few weeks. I believed in you and sometimes, just sometimes i'd get what I asked for, but there was always a catch, Lord. I was always thrown an attemtped suicude or another runaway and I would cry for nights so I wouldn't to other people. I'd think it was wrong of me, to ask for a favor, being such a sinner. I didn't want to go to hell, but facing reality felt like the preview. I'm learning to live with myself, God, Because for those 10 years I was as gay as I am now, but I wanted to be washed away of my sins. My burdens to be lifted off my shoulders, I wanted to be a good kid. I wanted my parents to love me more and I wanted to not be bad anymore, but Father I have sinned and I still do. I was just a kid and I still am. Still, I thank you for experience, life-long lessons. But, God, do I resent you.

122

There's this boy, he's such a lively soul with opinions that could last a lifetime. He's outspoken and almost unusually hyper. His dad killed himself a few weeks ago but he says he's not sad. he's disappointed I wanna say ***** you, to his dad, but I will give him his peace because my frined, the boy, is coming to terms with his. He writes too, short stories. His voice is like a river, no matter how much he has to say or how much emotion goes into it he has the damage control to keep it from flooding. It's like he has a dam on his feelings. That makes me sad though, because he's so smart. He has this theory, this thing he always says. " Time is but a concept, a belief that everything moves forward" but everytime i talk to him nothing moves. Not because of what anyone would think but because he doesn't want me to tread carefully. Not on any topics. I think he needs me not to go gentle or step around topics. His comfort is blunt honesty and I am both in awe and I guess confusion by this. To the boy who makes me speechless almost everyday.

0

Oct 7, 2015

Oct 7, 2015 at 8:20 AM UTC

For a Friend

There's this boy, he's such a lively soul with opinions that could last a lifetime. He's outspoken and almost unusually hyper. His dad killed himself a few weeks ago but he says he's not sad. he's disappointed I wanna say ***** you, to his dad, but I will give him his peace because my frined, the boy, is coming to terms with his. He writes too, short stories. His voice is like a river, no matter how much he has to say or how much emotion goes into it he has the damage control to keep it from flooding. It's like he has a dam on his feelings. That makes me sad though, because he's so smart. He has this theory, this thing he always says. " Time is but a concept, a belief that everything moves forward" but everytime i talk to him nothing moves. Not because of what anyone would think but because he doesn't want me to tread carefully. Not on any topics. I think he needs me not to go gentle or step around topics. His comfort is blunt honesty and I am both in awe and I guess confusion by this. To the boy who makes me speechless almost everyday.

41

I'll never understand how Some thoughts are gone with the wind And some give you headaches. Some feelings are thrown in the air While you can't help to cling to others. Tell me why I can't let go

0

Apr 14, 2015

Apr 14, 2015 at 4:45 AM UTC

let go

I'll never understand how Some thoughts are gone with the wind And some give you headaches. Some feelings are thrown in the air While you can't help to cling to others. Tell me why I can't let go

6

October 7th was the night you left October 8th was the day we found out you weren't there And we didn't watch the blood moon like you promised me October 31st was when our Halloween plans fell through because you still weren't here to fill them November 7th was when you had been gone for a month November 9th will be your 17th birthday November 27th will be the day you miss Thanksgiving, And i'll be too bitter to be thankful December 9th, You'll miss dad's birthday December 24th you won't be here to open presents a day early December 25th you'll miss our brother complaining about mayonnaise and our uncle forgetting our presents March 16th you'll miss my birthday I don't know how long it'll be until we find you But there will never be a date listed Where I give up on you. I'm not going to forget.

0

Nov 8, 2014

Nov 8, 2014 at 4:44 PM UTC

Gone

October 7th was the night you left October 8th was the day we found out you weren't there And we didn't watch the blood moon like you promised me October 31st was when our Halloween plans fell through because you still weren't here to fill them November 7th was when you had been gone for a month November 9th will be your 17th birthday November 27th will be the day you miss Thanksgiving, And i'll be too bitter to be thankful December 9th, You'll miss dad's birthday December 24th you won't be here to open presents a day early December 25th you'll miss our brother complaining about mayonnaise and our uncle forgetting our presents March 16th you'll miss my birthday I don't know how long it'll be until we find you But there will never be a date listed Where I give up on you. I'm not going to forget.

17