i should have fought,
i should have heard
your cries for help
behind your words
i should have stitched
your shattered heart
if only i'd known
just where to start
you carried so
much heavy pain
and now we're left
with all the scars
we loved you so
because you
showed us
who we
really
are
Mar 6, 2017
Mar 6, 2017 at 10:29 PM UTC
i thought i had forgotten, but really,
you were there the whole time
maybe it wasn't even actually you,
but the idea of you;
a collection of flawless moments
i've been saving up,
playing on repeat
i had a dream about you the other night and i thought
it was no longer possible,
but there you were without warning
and beautiful as ever
Mar 6, 2017
Mar 6, 2017 at 10:13 PM UTC
the poems about you are my best ones
they write themselves, you know
i am nothing but a medium through which words pass
i simply have to bring you to mind
-something that is never difficult-
you live inside of my heart and make it quiver
with each blink of your icy blues
waves of emotion wash over me
i'm suspended in an ocean of our memories
and when i'm finally washed ashore,
traces of you are still tangled within my hair,
weaved between my toes
like a dream, i can't remember exactly where i just was
or how i got there,
but written in the sand before me are words,
carefully arranged in a way not nearly as perfect as you
Aug 26, 2016
Aug 26, 2016 at 6:12 PM UTC
it was grey today
and i left the house without a jacket
the light rain that was too heavy to ignore
speckled my glasses, blurred my vision in areas
i didn't even try to count the drops
to take my mind off of you
i didn't wipe them off or smile as each one landed
because all i wanted was warmth
i wanted to feel the sunshine
consume me yet again
i wanted a ray to reach out and hold me in its glistening embrace
like a blanket made of diamonds,
but nothing took place
i know the sun will return once the clouds blow away
and i'll get to feel your glow again
maybe someday
Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 6:22 PM UTC
i'm fine
as long as i never think about it again
never think about you again
and how the sun is always setting right behind your face,
competing with your shadow
i'll try, but i know i'll never forget
how you are both the strongest and gentlest person
i've ever encountered
or how your smile is a warm blanket
that shields me from how hard i am on myself
as long as i never think about
all the secrets you've told me and no one else,
i know i'll be okay
i locked them away long ago
in my cage of bones
with a heart-shaped lock
you took off with the key
out of sight, out of mind
i hope to god that's true because i won't be alright
if i keep thinking of you
Jun 11, 2016
Jun 11, 2016 at 1:53 PM UTC
I know the horror
how you can't undress
without feeling like
a ******* mess.
There's got to be something
more than this,
just write until
your thoughts aren't as heavy.
Everyone glances
but nobody reads:
Pour your emotions
into a glass that
nobody drinks.
There's got to be something
more than
vulnerable words in vain:
a medicine
that increases the pain.
I know the horror
how you can't reveal
the fullest extent
of how you feel.
There has to be something
more than a glance,
to help you feel heard;
to validate your world.
Just learn to write
and let it all go,
even if nobody notices
or nobody knows.
Because there is something
more than this.
Jun 3, 2016
Jun 3, 2016 at 1:02 PM UTC
it's crazy how someone so angry and confused and depressed
can turn all of that around for themselves,
but in the process,
make everyone around them carry the weight they just shed
from that point on
i wish you'd given some of it to me
even if you gave me all of it,
i know i'd be able to handle it,
but you wouldn't let me see
i want to scream until my throat bleeds
i want to cry until i fall asleep,
but only for every time you had to alone
your oversized heart was my home
May 18, 2016
May 18, 2016 at 1:07 PM UTC
never before have i been woken up by my anxiety
never before have i known a sadness so deep
never before could i have imagined this feeling
or the fact that once it hits, it takes the rest of your life to melt away
why couldn't i tell you how special you were to me?
why couldn't i ******* pick up the phone on 4/20?
you're right, i'm nothing,
and you were something i could always count on,
but never took advantage of
someone everyone could depend on if they needed to
you were always there and that's why i couldn't see you
i grew used to your distance and your constant pain
just like i've grown used to my own,
but i didn't know you had grown fed up,
filled with anger and trauma
from those who should have loved you most
there are so many things that were sacred to me
that i can no longer enjoy
and you're at the top of that list
May 18, 2016
May 18, 2016 at 11:52 AM UTC
Every year now, I note the differences:
the changes in the stones,
the retreating car park and what
is new to the waves.
It is slight. You try to hide it by
presenting the same places and
lacing them with memories that
all correspond.
But you are changing.
You take new beatings, and I can't
help but wonder if we are alike.
The process of erosion has caught
us both, and year by year,
cliff by cliff, it's wearing us down.
It was always supposed to happen,
but what if you change too much?
What will happen when you change
irreparably, irreconcilably?
Even now you are only an
imaginary home, so defamiliarized
from the dream I demand.
I know you promised me nothing.
But I had a deal you didn't know about
and you've ceased to make me happy.
I can't help but be a little angry
with you for letting the
storm break you down.
But is it really you, or is it me
who has done the changing?
Is it not my eyes and my erosion?
Is it not the attrition and abrasion
and the long shore drift
that has welled up inside my own soul?
Is it you or I?
How can we know?
May 4, 2016
May 4, 2016 at 12:54 PM UTC