hollau - Hello Poetry

The first signs of an addiction: Quickened heartbeat, dilated eyes— I felt both the first time I saw you. Soon we were associates. I learned the sound of your voice. I grew used to hearing it daily— morning, afternoon, night. It fed my soul, which craved attention. I became enthralled with your existence. before you, I was cold, but your smile was infectious; when you were truly happy, it radiated off of you and ignited what I had long forgotten. I held on to each word that rolled off of your tongue as each syllable fed my addiction and my desire consumed me. Your gentle eyes were welcoming, your presence comforting, even in my darkest times— but as I fell deeper, the flaws began to reveal themselves. You’re so arrogant; yet I want more. You’re outspoken at the most inappropriate times You’re selfish; you don’t think before you spring into action, but I can’t help it—I’m enthralled with your power. Your aggressive passion brings me excitement. I fight for dominance against you as we banter throughout the night hoping that someday I might escape from your siren song and become your addiction instead. For now, I sit and consume you until my lungs are filled— until my mind is high enough to separate from your touch so I may continue with my life for a brief moment. You ruin me, but I can’t get enough.

0

Oct 23, 2018

Oct 23, 2018 at 5:13 AM UTC

hollau

nicotine

The first signs of an addiction: Quickened heartbeat, dilated eyes— I felt both the first time I saw you. Soon we were associates. I learned the sound of your voice. I grew used to hearing it daily— morning, afternoon, night. It fed my soul, which craved attention. I became enthralled with your existence. before you, I was cold, but your smile was infectious; when you were truly happy, it radiated off of you and ignited what I had long forgotten. I held on to each word that rolled off of your tongue as each syllable fed my addiction and my desire consumed me. Your gentle eyes were welcoming, your presence comforting, even in my darkest times— but as I fell deeper, the flaws began to reveal themselves. You’re so arrogant; yet I want more. You’re outspoken at the most inappropriate times You’re selfish; you don’t think before you spring into action, but I can’t help it—I’m enthralled with your power. Your aggressive passion brings me excitement. I fight for dominance against you as we banter throughout the night hoping that someday I might escape from your siren song and become your addiction instead. For now, I sit and consume you until my lungs are filled— until my mind is high enough to separate from your touch so I may continue with my life for a brief moment. You ruin me, but I can’t get enough.

33

every night she stares at herself in the mirror watching as trails of pain slip down her face side by side she stares deeper into her green pools of despair; forests where the winds are alone to call for blessings. they beg for relief as she plunges deeper into herself the runners are unstoppable they ignore the creases of her rosy skin and follow the flow of gravity they pass her pearly teeth braced to fight wars because her words are stronger than she will ever be she is a pawn in the twisted agenda of a scarred mind which seeks to pull her apart she presses cracked lips against a bottle they are the finish line for her dewy sadness the racers hang off her chin before falling to the floor she tips her head back after the photo finish she has lost.

0

Jun 5, 2018

Jun 5, 2018 at 3:10 AM UTC

hollau

the race

every night she stares at herself in the mirror watching as trails of pain slip down her face side by side she stares deeper into her green pools of despair; forests where the winds are alone to call for blessings. they beg for relief as she plunges deeper into herself the runners are unstoppable they ignore the creases of her rosy skin and follow the flow of gravity they pass her pearly teeth braced to fight wars because her words are stronger than she will ever be she is a pawn in the twisted agenda of a scarred mind which seeks to pull her apart she presses cracked lips against a bottle they are the finish line for her dewy sadness the racers hang off her chin before falling to the floor she tips her head back after the photo finish she has lost.

19

I never wanted to cling to every word you said to me as if it were your last. I never wanted to know the way your hair curved above your forehead like a wave about to crash, or how I imagined running my hands through its soft currents. I never wanted to get lost in the depths of your eyes because I knew each chestnut oasis was a portal to your vulnerability, and that would destroy me. I never wanted to remember of the way you beamed with a smile bright enough to evaporate pouring rain in a thunderstorm. I never wanted to touch your skin so I could feel the pulse that reminded me of your humanity. I never wanted to discover that the calm of your voice was the only thing I searched for in a crowded room. I never wanted to realize you were the only one who understood every scar within my soul. I never wanted to walk together until we faded into a landscape we couldn’t wait to paint together. I never wanted to love you; but here I am.

0

May 28, 2018

May 28, 2018 at 6:45 AM UTC

hollau

I never wanted to love you.

19

I could never find the right way to tell you, I know words won’t be enough. I didn’t want to talk to much, just wanted to show you love. streetlights passing; every one gets me a heartbeat closer to where it started beating. walking down the street from the day we met; even after everything, I can’t forget to think of you you acted shy, but I didn’t miss your grinning face. scattered hearts, broken glass; getting lost in the sounds of our hearts beating; all I ever really wanted in this short life was you my heart feels drunk; your smile’s a drug. with every moment that passes, I melt. I’m ecstatic like a drug addict, strung out and spellbound I feel your lightning in my veins, I’m speechless, words cannot explain I feel an aching when you step into my body in my mind though I try to resist, I still want it all. you were all that I was looking for, could have had my heart, it was yours let’s watch the evening sky, witness our souls come to life; dreams can melt like snow. show me a sign, show me some life, without you, I’d lose me let go of all your haunted dreams tonight; I know your soul, I’ll be your home. when the lights go out, you still got me. you’d fit so perfectly to me, we’d end our loneliness. we lost track of the time dreams aren’t what they used to be; some things slide by so carelessly we raise our love in a timeless land that is far out of reach I remember how we were before; it don’t feel like memories. I fell in love out under the moonlight, you took my hand and held me close, for once I was alright. there was magic in the air and you were right here beside me. we look up at the stars, a perfect night to dream with you how I hope to have forever to spend right here in this world with you feel all the things we might breathe in the air tonight, get lost in our escape; breathe in the air too late since one day you will disappear, I’ll keep every part of you. I remember when we used to be so close, every now and then I think of when we broke. held the strings tied to my heart; pulled then pushed away, why can’t I get over you? your love is a fire, I’m still high on the fumes you are the piece of me I wish I didn’t need, chasing relentlessly; and I don’t know why. when the night falls, the loneliness calls; time to figure out how to chase my blues away. when I fall into the dark you always haunt me bags underneath my eyes, all of those sleepless nights without you in my life give me one night to man the pain. every time I close my eyes I’m dreaming about you, it keeps happening all the time; even when the memories are put to bed, I think of you I swear I could feel you in my arms, but there was no one there at all I tossed and turned in the end; I searched again and again, but I never found you I’m still loving you in my mind. nothing I haven’t tried to get you off my mind; there’s no good reason why state of dreaming has left me numb. I just can’t get you off my mind and now I’m gonna be up all night I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep. I just want to leave us behind. It’s tearing me up inside. I’ve cried for you, you’re in every part of me. melt this curse away. fading lovers, two hearts beating on with different rhythms; falling apart, still we hold together; who are we to call each other selfish lovers? we all need someone to hold. I know it’s too much too soon to tell you that I need you by my side. from the start we were changing, I should have seen the signs; no trace of what we could be your heartbeat stops as I’m walking away wait for me because I want to be where you are. you know my love can hold you down. I can’t fight this feeling, it’s not in my head; I know it’s something I did. oh how I miss the days we’d get carried away am I just overthinking feelings I conceal? everything is shattering, and it’s my mistake. I meant to make it right. don’t know what I was doing. I ruined all the love we had before. I’m not freaking out, but I’m afraid of losing you. I’m stuck in this fear you put my life back together, I’m not broken anymore; you will never know what you mean to me. I hope you know, I can’t live without you. you’re all I ever need, I should be holding you. I spent a lifetime on this, but I would give it up for you. I make too many mistakes, better get this right. face to face with all the voices in my head do I still have to mean everything I ever said? I won’t be the victim, so slowly letting go; but the world still moves on. never thought that I could feel this way what am I holding onto? I wish that I could stay. walking down the street where I broke your heart, and I think of you. holding it together ’til I fall apart when I think of you. take my hand and remind me of what we used to believe and dream to be. take me back to when things used to be so simple. run to the moment and set me free. we’re smiling, but we’re close to tears trying to make it work. can we go back to where our memories don’t exist; fall away and drift to where we won’t be missed? won’t you come back into me where you belong? you can count on it, I’m where you left me I can count on you to show me the way hope that I can turn back the time to make it all alright, I promise to build a new world for us; gaze into my eyes when the fire starts, fan the flame that melts our hearts; illuminate a world that’ll try to bring you down. know that it’s you; the reason that I come alive, it lives in your eyes. these will be times that I will miss. not gonna tell you that I’m over it, I think about it every night my heart’s burning and it’s turning black, but I’m learning how to be stronger tonight I’ll breathe in the future and tear down my walls, force the feelings away ‘cause they were never meant to stay. I never wanted it to be this way, I might’ve thought that we could last forever the days felt so long, things fit perfectly all we ever wanted is to feel alive. it’s too late, I’m sorry, darling I’m slipping through the place that we once knew, all I can feel is you. I lost you, now I see I’m not in love and you’re not worth my tears; now you’re just a name, a face I used to know but everybody seems to look like you. we’ll fade and be forgotten, like ashes; washed away no trace of what we stand for; what we could be together we wait for silence. fall into the hands of a greater unknown. I’ve been worried if you’ll be okay; I don’t want to miss you once I’ve waved goodbye. don’t wanna waste love; don’t wanna hurt you. understanding that I have to go this way is harder than asking me to stay I’ll go alone and never speak of this again; I’ll depend on you. I cannot come back this time; I will be listening for you. isn’t this, too, just fate and nothing more? I know we’ll become who we’re meant to be. I hope we find our missing pieces. fade away, fade away, I say to our love. sincerely, I love you dearly

0

May 22, 2018

May 22, 2018 at 8:26 PM UTC

hollau

sincerely, I love you dearly

I could never find the right way to tell you, I know words won’t be enough. I didn’t want to talk to much, just wanted to show you love. streetlights passing; every one gets me a heartbeat closer to where it started beating. walking down the street from the day we met; even after everything, I can’t forget to think of you you acted shy, but I didn’t miss your grinning face. scattered hearts, broken glass; getting lost in the sounds of our hearts beating; all I ever really wanted in this short life was you my heart feels drunk; your smile’s a drug. with every moment that passes, I melt. I’m ecstatic like a drug addict, strung out and spellbound I feel your lightning in my veins, I’m speechless, words cannot explain I feel an aching when you step into my body in my mind though I try to resist, I still want it all. you were all that I was looking for, could have had my heart, it was yours let’s watch the evening sky, witness our souls come to life; dreams can melt like snow. show me a sign, show me some life, without you, I’d lose me let go of all your haunted dreams tonight; I know your soul, I’ll be your home. when the lights go out, you still got me. you’d fit so perfectly to me, we’d end our loneliness. we lost track of the time dreams aren’t what they used to be; some things slide by so carelessly we raise our love in a timeless land that is far out of reach I remember how we were before; it don’t feel like memories. I fell in love out under the moonlight, you took my hand and held me close, for once I was alright. there was magic in the air and you were right here beside me. we look up at the stars, a perfect night to dream with you how I hope to have forever to spend right here in this world with you feel all the things we might breathe in the air tonight, get lost in our escape; breathe in the air too late since one day you will disappear, I’ll keep every part of you. I remember when we used to be so close, every now and then I think of when we broke. held the strings tied to my heart; pulled then pushed away, why can’t I get over you? your love is a fire, I’m still high on the fumes you are the piece of me I wish I didn’t need, chasing relentlessly; and I don’t know why. when the night falls, the loneliness calls; time to figure out how to chase my blues away. when I fall into the dark you always haunt me bags underneath my eyes, all of those sleepless nights without you in my life give me one night to man the pain. every time I close my eyes I’m dreaming about you, it keeps happening all the time; even when the memories are put to bed, I think of you I swear I could feel you in my arms, but there was no one there at all I tossed and turned in the end; I searched again and again, but I never found you I’m still loving you in my mind. nothing I haven’t tried to get you off my mind; there’s no good reason why state of dreaming has left me numb. I just can’t get you off my mind and now I’m gonna be up all night I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep. I just want to leave us behind. It’s tearing me up inside. I’ve cried for you, you’re in every part of me. melt this curse away. fading lovers, two hearts beating on with different rhythms; falling apart, still we hold together; who are we to call each other selfish lovers? we all need someone to hold. I know it’s too much too soon to tell you that I need you by my side. from the start we were changing, I should have seen the signs; no trace of what we could be your heartbeat stops as I’m walking away wait for me because I want to be where you are. you know my love can hold you down. I can’t fight this feeling, it’s not in my head; I know it’s something I did. oh how I miss the days we’d get carried away am I just overthinking feelings I conceal? everything is shattering, and it’s my mistake. I meant to make it right. don’t know what I was doing. I ruined all the love we had before. I’m not freaking out, but I’m afraid of losing you. I’m stuck in this fear you put my life back together, I’m not broken anymore; you will never know what you mean to me. I hope you know, I can’t live without you. you’re all I ever need, I should be holding you. I spent a lifetime on this, but I would give it up for you. I make too many mistakes, better get this right. face to face with all the voices in my head do I still have to mean everything I ever said? I won’t be the victim, so slowly letting go; but the world still moves on. never thought that I could feel this way what am I holding onto? I wish that I could stay. walking down the street where I broke your heart, and I think of you. holding it together ’til I fall apart when I think of you. take my hand and remind me of what we used to believe and dream to be. take me back to when things used to be so simple. run to the moment and set me free. we’re smiling, but we’re close to tears trying to make it work. can we go back to where our memories don’t exist; fall away and drift to where we won’t be missed? won’t you come back into me where you belong? you can count on it, I’m where you left me I can count on you to show me the way hope that I can turn back the time to make it all alright, I promise to build a new world for us; gaze into my eyes when the fire starts, fan the flame that melts our hearts; illuminate a world that’ll try to bring you down. know that it’s you; the reason that I come alive, it lives in your eyes. these will be times that I will miss. not gonna tell you that I’m over it, I think about it every night my heart’s burning and it’s turning black, but I’m learning how to be stronger tonight I’ll breathe in the future and tear down my walls, force the feelings away ‘cause they were never meant to stay. I never wanted it to be this way, I might’ve thought that we could last forever the days felt so long, things fit perfectly all we ever wanted is to feel alive. it’s too late, I’m sorry, darling I’m slipping through the place that we once knew, all I can feel is you. I lost you, now I see I’m not in love and you’re not worth my tears; now you’re just a name, a face I used to know but everybody seems to look like you. we’ll fade and be forgotten, like ashes; washed away no trace of what we stand for; what we could be together we wait for silence. fall into the hands of a greater unknown. I’ve been worried if you’ll be okay; I don’t want to miss you once I’ve waved goodbye. don’t wanna waste love; don’t wanna hurt you. understanding that I have to go this way is harder than asking me to stay I’ll go alone and never speak of this again; I’ll depend on you. I cannot come back this time; I will be listening for you. isn’t this, too, just fate and nothing more? I know we’ll become who we’re meant to be. I hope we find our missing pieces. fade away, fade away, I say to our love. sincerely, I love you dearly

172

I remember that night. Sitting on the bench, side by side. Both of us hungover; a dilapidated sight. I wanted to tell you all the thoughts which my heart had formed, but my lips could not. You smirked, almost as if you knew. Our lives were once entwined; both of us tangled in the love of the other, now I feel as if our love is blind. And we have lost sight of what we were. Without you, there is cold; An empty void where my heart fell to depths I have never felt in search of old flames to reignite the spark you left. I will never forget you; I can’t ever forget you; I don’t want to forget you. You made me whole, so I will keep searching; I will remain broken until I find you again However long it takes; I hope you are still sitting on a bench waiting for me

0

Apr 25, 2018

Apr 25, 2018 at 6:17 PM UTC

hollau

lost and found

I remember that night. Sitting on the bench, side by side. Both of us hungover; a dilapidated sight. I wanted to tell you all the thoughts which my heart had formed, but my lips could not. You smirked, almost as if you knew. Our lives were once entwined; both of us tangled in the love of the other, now I feel as if our love is blind. And we have lost sight of what we were. Without you, there is cold; An empty void where my heart fell to depths I have never felt in search of old flames to reignite the spark you left. I will never forget you; I can’t ever forget you; I don’t want to forget you. You made me whole, so I will keep searching; I will remain broken until I find you again However long it takes; I hope you are still sitting on a bench waiting for me

24

I was a blooming daisy and you were the **** I stumbled upon your roots strangled me as I tried to grow they teased me and tested me but your words became a daily comfort so I stood tall and reached towards the sun that neither of us thought I could reach because I wanted to prove to you that I could stand on my own my heart broke when you were torn away from me without you, I could invest in my own growth but I still longed for your company you were the only one who ever challenged me to be more than I could have been before we both knew it was for the best, but I will never stop missing you and hoping someday you will return to my garden to poison me again so I can blossom into who I am meant to become

0

Apr 15, 2018

Apr 15, 2018 at 6:29 PM UTC

hollau

toxic lover

I was a blooming daisy and you were the **** I stumbled upon your roots strangled me as I tried to grow they teased me and tested me but your words became a daily comfort so I stood tall and reached towards the sun that neither of us thought I could reach because I wanted to prove to you that I could stand on my own my heart broke when you were torn away from me without you, I could invest in my own growth but I still longed for your company you were the only one who ever challenged me to be more than I could have been before we both knew it was for the best, but I will never stop missing you and hoping someday you will return to my garden to poison me again so I can blossom into who I am meant to become

19

I was once a carefree and playful child one who watched movies, and as a result grew up learning there was a love interest in every scenario I saw character development and watched as the former loser would overcome their own fears and get the beauty every **** time. they gained their confidence, plus a partner in crime to share their new life with as they shared a passionate kiss and rode happily into the sunset I grew with these false premises in my mind as I waded carefully through the torrential downpour of emotions in my angsty adolescence I wasn’t yet confident enough in myself to imagine someone by my side to share my suffering but I thought that one day, I would be and they would reach out to me as suddenly as they had on tv the former loser was never my path to follow. I am ending my teen years as a different trope the confident girl who doesn’t need anyone else she knows her flaws, but loves herself endlessly, but this is where the storyline fails. I still walk with my head high, but I have yet to attract my match with the personality everyone boasts will be enough it’s not. it’s never enough. it’s time for film to be a little more ******* accurate, but maybe that’s why we love it so much? It shares the stories that we may never know, in a world so full of desire, yet so devoid of passion for one another. Cheers to you for seeking your sunset lover. I’ll be waiting in the club of broken hearts when reality shatters your hope and leaves you to live the same path as I. Maybe then it won’t be so lonely.

0

Mar 5, 2018

Mar 5, 2018 at 2:52 AM UTC

hollau

that one girl who only has herself to love

I was once a carefree and playful child one who watched movies, and as a result grew up learning there was a love interest in every scenario I saw character development and watched as the former loser would overcome their own fears and get the beauty every **** time. they gained their confidence, plus a partner in crime to share their new life with as they shared a passionate kiss and rode happily into the sunset I grew with these false premises in my mind as I waded carefully through the torrential downpour of emotions in my angsty adolescence I wasn’t yet confident enough in myself to imagine someone by my side to share my suffering but I thought that one day, I would be and they would reach out to me as suddenly as they had on tv the former loser was never my path to follow. I am ending my teen years as a different trope the confident girl who doesn’t need anyone else she knows her flaws, but loves herself endlessly, but this is where the storyline fails. I still walk with my head high, but I have yet to attract my match with the personality everyone boasts will be enough it’s not. it’s never enough. it’s time for film to be a little more ******* accurate, but maybe that’s why we love it so much? It shares the stories that we may never know, in a world so full of desire, yet so devoid of passion for one another. Cheers to you for seeking your sunset lover. I’ll be waiting in the club of broken hearts when reality shatters your hope and leaves you to live the same path as I. Maybe then it won’t be so lonely.

41

you were once so small your tiny lungs barely moved they thought you wouldn’t make it you did you grew slowly your legs never stopped running your mind never stopped thinking you wanted to do everything you still do you got older your mind began to slip your skin began to sting as you took yourself for granted and wanted nothing more than to fade away yet you still remain you survived your mind still wanders you search endlessly for what you know you need but what you can never find you still haven’t you have loved and lost you repeat the cycle and carry your mind through your childhood bliss your dark adolescence and finally to the new horizons of your life as an eighteen year-old who is already having a mid-life crisis

0

Mar 1, 2018

Mar 1, 2018 at 5:05 PM UTC

hollau

The ballad of me, myself and I

you were once so small your tiny lungs barely moved they thought you wouldn’t make it you did you grew slowly your legs never stopped running your mind never stopped thinking you wanted to do everything you still do you got older your mind began to slip your skin began to sting as you took yourself for granted and wanted nothing more than to fade away yet you still remain you survived your mind still wanders you search endlessly for what you know you need but what you can never find you still haven’t you have loved and lost you repeat the cycle and carry your mind through your childhood bliss your dark adolescence and finally to the new horizons of your life as an eighteen year-old who is already having a mid-life crisis

29

the dawn of a new beginning. siren songs of promises for reunion, quickly dying beneath the blinding rays of hope you had sworn to me as I waited to watch another day pass across your face. the light I saw was an illusion for the hope you led me to believe in. perhaps I had finally found a soulmate to share my rotations with. for a moment, I felt joy it was only a fleeting moment and just before I could fully appreciate the deep blues of your soul you whisked your lush home away from me and left my stone heart to freeze. the spirit of love I had fostered was split by the blazing comet of your cunning and I felt my chilled core dissolve in the emptiness of space as your selfishness broke me out of orbit and left me to find a new solar system. the stardust of my tears stick to your atmosphere to remind you of the love that we had but what you only took for granted as you and I drift apart in our galaxies. when you collide with something beyond yourself and reach the dusk of your last breath, I hope you think of me.

0

Feb 14, 2018

Feb 14, 2018 at 2:51 AM UTC

hollau

the moon knows no love

the dawn of a new beginning. siren songs of promises for reunion, quickly dying beneath the blinding rays of hope you had sworn to me as I waited to watch another day pass across your face. the light I saw was an illusion for the hope you led me to believe in. perhaps I had finally found a soulmate to share my rotations with. for a moment, I felt joy it was only a fleeting moment and just before I could fully appreciate the deep blues of your soul you whisked your lush home away from me and left my stone heart to freeze. the spirit of love I had fostered was split by the blazing comet of your cunning and I felt my chilled core dissolve in the emptiness of space as your selfishness broke me out of orbit and left me to find a new solar system. the stardust of my tears stick to your atmosphere to remind you of the love that we had but what you only took for granted as you and I drift apart in our galaxies. when you collide with something beyond yourself and reach the dusk of your last breath, I hope you think of me.

24

What if it all stopped all of a sudden maybe it would give us a chance to breathe a chance to feel a chance to be alive I wouldn’t know what that’s like instead I continue living in a constant world where everything must be immediate and instantaneous and there isn't enough time but also too much and everything blends together until it becomes as meaningless as the sad life I live wouldn’t it be nice to look at the world with new eyes? with fresh lungs that can pause between thoughts and take in the breathtaking beauty that surrounds me while the rest of the people on earth continue in their feeding frenzy trying to consume everything when really everything s l o w l y consumes them.

0

Feb 14, 2018

Feb 14, 2018 at 2:23 AM UTC

hollau

pause

What if it all stopped all of a sudden maybe it would give us a chance to breathe a chance to feel a chance to be alive I wouldn’t know what that’s like instead I continue living in a constant world where everything must be immediate and instantaneous and there isn't enough time but also too much and everything blends together until it becomes as meaningless as the sad life I live wouldn’t it be nice to look at the world with new eyes? with fresh lungs that can pause between thoughts and take in the breathtaking beauty that surrounds me while the rest of the people on earth continue in their feeding frenzy trying to consume everything when really everything s l o w l y consumes them.

37