**I found myself rocking on the floor again today
But I don't know how I got down there or how I felt so calm.
As you screamed at me trapped in the bathroom
I felt a smile slowly creep on my face
As I imagined myself taking my razor out of my pocket and using it to slice your face open.
It looked so beautiful covered in blood
With your jaw hanging open
And hearing you scream at me to stop.
I did like you for a while
When you cried it made me feel better because now you can know how it feels to constantly be in agony
Writhing and clenching your stomach
Coughing blood
Every.
Single.
NIGHT!!!!!
And as your voice got louder and louder
I began to laugh
Because your anger was so intriguing.
When you threaten to **** me
It gets me so high
I feel like a kid on Christmas day.
Im not suicidal but if you put the gun to my head I'll do whatever I can to get
You to pull the trigger
If you held a knife to my throat
I'd step just a little closer to feel the
Stony ice blade against my already freezing skin.
I'm psychotic mommy I can feel it deep inside.
I can feel it in the clouds
And see the tent in the sky....
The tent....
It makes me think of him
Andi stop laughing for the tender spot that hinders...
The roses start to wither
And the air gets thicker...
I breathe in blood and I noticed I've sliced my throat
But I feel fine
I feel bliss.
If I were a god just for a day
If I had the power to just pick off people one by one
Or take them by the plenty...
Whisk them off of this filthy
Filthy ******* ******** you**
Call a ******* earth.
I'm so pathetic.
So pathetic!!!!!!
IM A HORRIBLE ******* *****
Mommy????
Mommy?? Why do you lock my bedroom door at night when I'm sleeping?
I said I was sorry
And I never wanted to hurt you again.
You said Daddy died but why is he standing above you??
Mommy please don't go.
I'll try to be a better child.
Why do you hate me??
YOU STUPIDFUCKING *****
ANSWER ME!!!!
I love you..
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 1:17 PM UTC
Not allowed to have feelings whatsoever
She traps her pain behind stormy
Rainy weather
She lies awake at night
With tears in her eyes
Its not the dreams its reality that keeps her awake
The fear of waking up
In a world that's all too ****** up
This is the life
Of a forbidden child
Trapped inside a mind cage
Her thoughts feeling her with rage
She cant sleep
In these selfmade walls she has no release
So she sits and cries in the dark
A million worlds
A million worlds apart
The life of a forbidden child living but dying
All the while
Will someone save her
I think not
They'll let her die
They'll let her rot
Save her
Shes falling
Tear stained face
Shes such a disgrace
At least thats what mom says
SHes the mistake
She wasnt supposed to be here
I didnt use protection
She wont get my affection
The forbidden child dies
Her heart burst from lies
The demons drain from her head
The poor girl is dead.
But she's still breathing........
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 1:10 PM UTC
You treat me like I'm not your daughter
It's enough that I don't know my father
But for you you to treat me like I don't exist
Makes me feel like I'm worthless
It seems as though
I've lost control
Of everything I'm supposed to be
You're not making my life easy
Oh mother why do I even try
To be the perfect daughter
You never wanted me to be me
It's not easy
You curse me
And joke about my scars
You tell me my life shouldn't be that hard
But tell that to the scars
I wear this smile
Glued to my face
Because my feelings are a disgrace
But inside I'm crying
I feel like I'm dying
I'm laughing
But nothing's funny
To cover up the tears
I fill myself with lies
I tell myself I'm beautiful
But I'm actually pitiful
No self worth
You're not the one to blame
You just make me go insane
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 1:09 PM UTC
The people are cruel
The people are monsters
Terrible people
Some are more far then the others
**They cheat
They lie
They steal
They hunt
They hide
They ****
You think they've got your back
But you turn around
And they sneak attack
The people after cruel
The people are monsters
Terrible creatures some are more far than the others
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 1:05 PM UTC
*They say to stop and smell the roses
But theyre poison
They say to go
But they dont know where they're going
With these lies they fade into the darkness
But with the love they rise up to the surface
These black roses theyve got secrets to tell
Secrets theyll carry with them to hell
Tales of the lost souls trapped inside of black holes*
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 1:03 PM UTC
You saw the scars on my arm and you didn't think twice
I turned you around and tears streaming from your eyes
You said you loved me no matter what
You said you'd stay
No ifs and or buts
You said stop cutting my dear
Because you're always here
Wounds heal
And scars fade
But the ones inside my head just won't go away
I need your love and I need your protection
To save me from myself
This hate and aggression
You say I do it for attention
But I do it cause you won't listen
Won't you settle down
And let me get my problems out
Because wounds heal
And scars fade away
But the ones inside my head
Just wont go away
I need your help
And I need you to stay
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 12:58 PM UTC
*Love is affectionate
Love is kind
Love is what helps you keep your piece of mind
Its what helps calm you down
Even if the person that you love is not around
Even the thought of them lights up your day
Because their perfect in every way
But sometimes the person that you love is yourself*
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 12:55 PM UTC
*Insecure
broken down
beaten until she hits the ground.
All alone
bruised and battered
wasn't like she really mattered
face stained with tears
she's tired of holding back her fears
All of her scars show
but her tears cannot be seen
none of her friends care
at least that's what it seems
we have so much in common
how could this be
it's because that small girl
is me*
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 12:54 PM UTC
they say forever is a long, long time
I believe it's until someones dying time.
cuz when the time comes for them to go away,
they refuse because they're here to stay.
They say forever is a long, long time
I believe it's until someones dying time
because when you look around and you see that they are gone,
It's when you realize that in your heart is where they once belonged
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 12:45 PM UTC
*you picked at the scars.
you opened the wounds.
to all the pain,
that i have been through.
you see what you want to see.
but you don't see the real me.
you don't see the demons dying inside of me.
im hiding my pain
but there's no one to blame.
refusing all help,
pretending all is well.
but inside i'm screaming
my heart is bleeding.
my body is a shell.
my soul is in hell.
but i'll keep biting my tongue
until my time is done.
i always wnted to be the opne you wanted.
always wanted to be the one you needed.
but it seems as though
i've lost control
of everything that i have put on hold.
there's many times i've cried in the dark.
because my world was falling apart.
many restless nights,
times in sleep that i would fight.
you say to stop crying
but there's no point in trying.
with every smile that i fake.
it's another stab that i take.
i laugh
but nothing is funny.
like a river
my tears are flowing.
im saying that im getting better
but it's all a lie.
with all the advice i feel closer to dying.
i feel so insecure.
lost without a train of thought.
lost inside my own mind.
in these ropes of depression im bind.
i dont want you to be scared.
i already am.
possession takes over me.
with no escape.
all hope is going down the drain.
i cut
and i bleed
with no expression.
its not the depression.
it's me.
im gone.
im fading away.
where am i going?
i cannot say.
but inside this shell,
im fading away.
im running.
im running
with no control
of where im going.
save me.
save me!
save me from myself!
i want you to save me
but i dont want your help.
this shell won't hold tight for long.
it won't be too long before
im gone.
one day im gonna hit the right vein.
and there will be no one to save.
ill be gone
in a heartbeat.
listen to my heart but it wont beat.
im dead.
im dead!
did you hear me?
of course you didn't.
the sound of my cries are completely forbidden.
im crying. im crying loud!
but you dont hear a sound.
im not afraid of dying.
im afraid of living.
what ami?
who am i?
where am i?
im not Paris.
i'm an alias.
Jane Doe. who am i?
the world will never know.
slicing my wrist.
river of blood swish.
tick. tock.
tick.
the world is crashing.
the walls are closing.
something's taking over me.
i can't fight it.
but im not trying.
save me....
SAVE ME!
LET. ME. DIE.!*
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 12:42 PM UTC