All i wanted
Was a good role model
Someone to show me
How to clean my room
Or to do my laundry
What i got was your laziness
All i wanted
Was for someone to read to me
For someone to protect me
And be there for me
When my demons come to play
What i got is a bigger, stronger demon
All i wanted
Was to live with my parents
To be happy
Even if
You too were separated
What i got is abandonment issues
I say i want
A lot of useless things
Like video games, that you deemed more important than me
Or movies that you might like,
To get your attention
But i don't really mean it
Because all i want
Is a decent father
But what i got
Is the bad lessons
You left behind with me
So happy ******* fathers day
You deadbeat parent, you,
And i really hope
That you don't feel the pain I'm feeling
But if you do
Then deal with it
Because hell,
I didn't want to be broken
All i wanted was you
Jun 19, 2018
Jun 19, 2018 at 11:20 AM UTC
I have a question for you.
Do you think Im faking it?
I want to tell you how i feel
I want to do what you promised me i could do
I want to be truthful
But i can't
Because you have already put me down
And brushed me off as a "moody teenager"
I'm 18
About to be 19
Ill admit, i am young
But is that a reason to brush me off?
Is that a reason to not let me talk?
Is that a reason....
To deny my feelings?
To treat me like
I don't have a voice?
Is that a reason to make me feel
Like Im a bird
That had his wings torn off?
Is that a reason
To point out my stutter
To yell at me when Im trying to think of my next words carefully?
To yell at me
When i don't yell at you?
I already know that my words
Are not right.
They are not how i want them to be
They come out of my mouth
Like a monster of hatred
They stutter and they run
And they cause destruction
They cause me pain
Do you have to point out
That i act childish?
That i "over react"?
That Im a "drama queen"?
Because sometimes
I act more mature than you
And then i get bashed with profanities that you just wont let me say out loud
Can i remind you
Of the promise you made me
When i was in the psychiatric hospital?
A promise that i could tell you
When Ive hit my lowest point?
When Ive had enough?
Because Ive had enough
Of the name calling
Of the ******* arguments
Of ******* everything
But i can't tell you
Because i was getting better
And you would think I'm lying
And you, and everyone else in this family
Will join your hands
Put your differences aside
And scream out you version of motivation
But what you don't see
Is sometimes all i need
Is for someone to notice
How much i hold back my anger
When you let loose yours
Is for someone
To let me finish a sentence
Before they yell at me
For someone
To side with me
And not just with the adult in the situation
For you to ******* stop.
And listen
Before i do something
Something that my ****** up mind thinks will fix the situation
But will only make it worse
For those who i left behind
Feb 19, 2018
Feb 19, 2018 at 4:18 PM UTC
Sometimes pills are negative
They **** and they hurt those around them
But what about
When they are needed?
I remember growing up
And seeing my aunt get slower
And slower
Because of the physical and psychological pain she has
I remember her
Turning from a happy person
Into a moody
Bitter person
I remember the happiness
Turn to saddness
Because of the pain
And no one could help her
The government ******* her over
Broke her down
Made her weak
And it continues to do just that
Ive had to help
Her out of the tub
Because the tub is too deep
And she is too physically weak
I saw her emotional strength
Get weaker
And weaker
With everyone of her brothers passing
I saw her cry
When her mother, my grandma
Forgot that her son passed away
And my aunt
Just made her break down
I saw her face
When my grandma
Couldn't remember simple things
And she couldn't hug her.
I saw the saddness
And the anger
When she realised
We dont have enough money for food
I saw the tough love
She used on me
Because she knows i can do better
I know it too
I saw many sides of my aunt
Mostly sad sides
But the side i saw today
Was one that i thought id never see
I came in
To a quiet home
No yelling
No sounds
Then i heard a giggle
I heard my brother giggle
As he always does
As he played his little... **** game?
I saw my uncle
Cook his famous spaghetti
And he made some
Homemade garlic bread
And finally
I saw my aunt
Lay on her bed, reading a magazine
I assumed she was in pain
I asked he what was wrong
And she said "nothing"
"Im just waiting for the pills to kick in"
"There for depression, and anxiety"
We sat together for dinner
Something we havent done in a while
And we talked calmly
And everything was fine for at least a little bit
For the longest time i thought that
Pills hurt everyone
Pills harm everyone
But i just realised
How selfish i was being
To my aunt mom
Who has done everything she could and more
To try and make me
Have a painfree life
So for once
Thank you pills
For coming to her rescue
Feb 15, 2018
Feb 15, 2018 at 7:54 PM UTC
there once was a dream
i had set out for me
of the and fall pen or
waves ocean rise constantly my the
the would fall with of swoosh
where rise and the flick of my brush
i made words into art
or art into words
for everyone to see
now i only make it for me
see but
world i
the will
let
how i can create pictures
without touching a brush
and how i can
truly go from
f up
a g
l n
l i
i s
n i
g r
down to
Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 4:58 PM UTC
I think its funny
How some people don't approve of the way a person is
They say, "don't shove it down my throat!"
"Leave it in the bedroom!"
Yet they make out in-front of them
And they preach their religion
Until the other person gets sick of hearing how
"Its Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve'
They preach hate
And say its the same one
That preaches love
The same religion, that does not like hypocrites
Oh and if anyone else
Who is religious
And sees it a different way
Who sees the good in people
And loves them for who they are
Not who they love
The hypocrites will preach that
"They are not good enough"
Now isn't that hilarious?
Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 4:09 PM UTC
I regret to inform you
Of a tragic, yet beautiful thing
That happened to your daughter, or cousin. yes, Taylor Marie.
She has passed away the day she was born
What you see now, is a ghost of what you wanted her to be
A soul lives in this body, so don't fret
Instead of a little girl inside this body of hers,
Is a 18 year old that wants to be true to himself,
He wants to show the world that hes not Taylor Marie
He wants to scream his name from the roof of this
Probably unstable,
Mobile home.
He has the same likes as Taylor, well... we can assume he does.
Since the body he lives in has been
Nothing but a dead corpse
Slapped with a label of "girl"
A label of "Taylor"
A label, he just cant stand.
So i stand here now as an interpreter of
Who i truly am
And i will say this to you
With unprejudiced truth
To the parents, or family, of Taylor Marie.
The daughter you thought you had,
Is dead.
She never truly existed,
But i know who has,
Who has wished he could be true to who he is,
And will finally be true to himself for the rest of his life
Your son, or brother, or cousin,
Has finally been brought to the surface,
Of a body that isn't his
The body of Taylor Marie,
And his name,
Is Matthew Todd
Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 3:47 PM UTC
Would you be my Valentines?
Just for tonight?
You can leave me in the morning
I'm used to it, i wont mind.
Go ahead and leave,
Your shoes at the door.
In the morning i wouldn't want
To see the memory of you on the floor.
What do we do now?
Do we sit by the fire?
Does the warmth between us,
Give us a temporary desire?
Lets watch the fire roar,
Let it sizzle, pop, and burn.
Lets enjoy this night,
Something we both have earned.
Would you listen to my story?
Or show me yours?
I can get kind of boring,
But ill fake it for you, of course.
I sing to you a song,
One you will never forget.
I can sing you the song
Until the sun sets.
Ill give you sweets,
Not as sweet as you,
As a token of our one night relationship
A promise of half truth
So would you be my temporary Valentines?
Just for tonight?
Tomorrow you can leave.
I'm used to it, i wont mind.
Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 2:58 AM UTC
I'm alright
Not 100% better
But i feel somewhat better
Like im on a sugar high of emotions
Compared to my moody past
I have the energy to clean my room
My room was filled with trash
And my demons
It was so messy, so i cleaned it
There are still a few demons lurking but its alright
I have the energy to stay awake
I used to want to crawl back to bed
Well, i still do
But less than i used to
I actually want to get up and do things
I have the want to do things
I didn't before
Except the occasional poem or drawing
I didn't want to work, but i had to
I didn't want to smile, but i forced myself too
I have the want to smile
I'm smiling as i write this
I want to dance, i want to sing
I want to be alive
For the first time in a long time
I'm finally okay enough to say
"I'm okay"
and actually mean it
Jan 22, 2018
Jan 22, 2018 at 4:04 PM UTC
Everyone has
An idea that
People are only
Measured by
How many scars they wear
But i don't see it
People think
Just because
People don't show their pain
They are incapable of feeling it at all
But i don't believe that
People think
Just because
Worse things happened to them
And the other person is unwilling to share what scared them
That they are faking it
But that's ********
Just because
You cant see it
You cant hear it
You haven't experienced it
Doesn't mean it doesn't exist
Why do we compare
Our scars
With others
When we
Can get better instead
Because comparing only pushes us one step backwards on the road to recovery
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 3:37 PM UTC
You should have lived
A peaceful life,
Or at least
One with very minimal sorrows
What you got is death
You should have lived
A loving life
If not that
Then one where you at least knew what love tasted like
What you got was lungs filled with water
You should have lived
With your brother
If not that
Then i wish i could have warned you about it
What you two got was a painful death
You should have lived
To 19 this year
20 in march 15th
You should have lived to be two years older
But you didn't
You died with your brother
You should have lived
To bring joy into peoples hearts like you always did
If not that
You being here would be enough for me
That you got was your last day on earth
Today i remember
The short life you lived
And how great it was
And today i learn to let you go, just a little bit,
To let you finally rest in peace
I wish i could
Replace you and your brothers life
With mine
Because above all things
You should have lived
Jan 10, 2018
Jan 10, 2018 at 2:59 PM UTC