I feel empowered
When I see the word resilience
I feel like I can swim again against the waves
When I see the word resilience
I can get back and up land another punch
When I see the word resilience
I see my younger, child self
I go to her and I giver her a hug
I tell her you will get through this
I tell her that he won’t be in your life forever
That she has the most resilience of anyone I know
And onto hang onto that one word cause it will get her through
That one word resilience
Nov 9, 2020
Nov 9, 2020 at 2:39 PM UTC
I trusted you to always hold me
I wanted you to never leave my bed
I supported you through all the darkness
And now you are walking out the door
No call, no proper explanation
Came home to your things in moving boxes
Talking to me like I’m a one night stand
Even though I have a ring on my left hand
I’m ambushed on all sides,
It seems I was the last to know
You told everyone about your plans
You booked a moving van and everything
You told everyone but me
I was the last to know
Why was I the last to know?
You told me you loved me the night before
I questioned why you weren’t talking to me like before
You whispered honeyed words in my ear
Saying that things are changing but your love is true
You held me as we made love that night
Whispering words of love and devotion
Those honeyed words were venom
Come morning light
I gave myself to you like I never have to anyone before
I let you into my heart, let you settle there
I shared things I thought I’d never share
I never thought you wouldn’t be beside me
I said yes just months before
What changed so suddenly
What is the true answer in your absence next to me
Your words mean nothing to me
They are all lies and meaningless chatter
Each answer is different from the next
No two confessions are ever the same
Why are you doing this?
What could have I done wrong?
Confession Number One
You tell me we don’t vision the future the same way
Didn’t we want a country home
Didn’t you say you wanted to have kids with me some day
Didn’t we want a better future for ourselves than what we had?
Didn’t we want a wedding outdoors
When the leaves are changing
We booked the venue a week ago
Those lies burn in my heart
I know it can’t be
We dreamed of this moment and our little house
In the middle of nowhere
So when did that change?
Confession Number 2
You say that we have different beliefs
I never hide any part of myself from you
I told you my faith right from the start
I never asked you to take part
I just asked that you accept it
You said you did
You engaged with me without my asking
You joined me, I never asked
Why is this so different now?
I haven’t changed who I am
So something changed within you
Confession Number 3
What broke me the most
What put all those walls back up
Is the last thing you said to me
"You are too broken for me”
The knife in my heart twisted slowly
As each word left your lips and burned me
That burning made me a Phoenix
It made me anew
And then I Knew
It had nothing to do with me
But everything to do with you
You had gotten what you wanted
And you tossed me aside
Like a broken rag doll
You went back to what you knew
Scared of something new
I will not stand by as you toss me aside
I will not stand by as you take everything in our home
I will not stand by as you blame me for you walking out the door
No. No more
I won’t be silent
You will hear me as I speak
You haven’t broken me
I know it isn’t about me
It’s about you and your broken heart
I won’t stand for it.
I won’t be ashamed of who I am
I’ve worked to hard to be ashamed of who I am
I’ve done my time, you haven’t done yours
So enjoy that castle of thrones
Because I’m washing my hands of you
And I’m not crying over you
Anymore
Nov 5, 2020
Nov 5, 2020 at 1:56 PM UTC
I once was fine
Floating on the water
No weight to drag me down
Then a rock was tied to my foot
Dragging me down to the depths
Struggling to stay afloat
With the weight tied to my foot
As soon as I could swim with the weight to my foot
Another was added to my other foot
It felt heavier and heavier
As another and another and another
Was added to my feet
Suddenly I was drowning with the weight
The weight pulling me down
I couldn’t swim
I could barely breath
All I tasted was the water in my lungs
But I kept going
Kept swimming up
To take a breath without water
I made it I could breath again
I was strong enough
The weight to my feet made me fight
Harder and harder
The long battle hasn’t finished yet
I may go underwater sometimes but I refuse to drown
I will always swim to the top again
Nov 5, 2020
Nov 5, 2020 at 1:54 PM UTC