i knew it was going
too good
for too long
feelings in the green
actually, genuinely
enjoying life? who knew
one trip one wrong step
crumbling into ashes
thinking about that shiny metal once again
****** person
undeserving of respect
your purpose is for others
no rights for you
thoughts that were
always there, waiting for
me, welcoming back
twas a fool to think
i had overcome something
so innate so natural
foreshadowing maybe?
a fresh start thwarted
doomed to return to the same
darkness
Jul 17, 2022
Jul 17, 2022 at 12:27 PM UTC
out of my body
into my legs
my arms
the tips of my fingers
somewhere i won't feel it
May 24, 2022
May 24, 2022 at 10:04 AM UTC
respect: earned through suffering
no food no sleep no rest
worth: deemed by usefulness
idleness is useless is worthless
a cart of ideologies
hurtling down an infinite hill
pushing on to the next poor fools
who receive and continue
maybe I need to slow it down
throw myself in front and
bump
did that work
is one made a martyr
or just a conman, the easy way out
refusing to play the game
opt out of self sacrifice with self sacrifice
May 10, 2022
May 10, 2022 at 1:41 AM UTC
slit my wrists and leave me open
to burn
and dry
and rot
rid me of this pain
the cruel sting of panic
its breathless fight
to hold back tears of desperation
Apr 8, 2022
Apr 8, 2022 at 5:04 AM UTC
the glint of an eye
a cheeky smile
the sunshine after a storm
a hug after a bad day
the reflection of metal
a handle of black
the sharpness of pain
a drop of blood falling from a wrist
Mar 16, 2022
Mar 16, 2022 at 4:48 AM UTC
some nights anxiety wins
and i'm left a
withering, melting mess
of holding back tears and
an aching in my heart
and sheer helplessness
do i want the night to end
or perhaps a reset, a redo
so i can claim it back for myself
but tonight i've lost
Apr 10, 2021
Apr 10, 2021 at 11:28 AM UTC
used to be a comfort for her
but now it's - what?
a house with a bed with little joys
but it's not the same as it used to be
is it?
someone once told her
'i can tell you're suffocating a bit'
and that phrase has stuck with her
come back to her every now and then
the more things happen the more
she realises they're right, she is
suffocating, stuck, struggling
to hold on and be who she is, who she wants to be
now she sits up in bed
they're still there, they're happy
but she isn't, she's uncomfortable in
her own skin, it just doesn't fit
she doesn't like who she is
when she's there, she feels like
it's the old her and she doesn't want that
not anymore
but isn't it ungrateful to
not appreciate everything she has
why want more, people would ****
for what she has
and yet, she wants to write her
own story, own beginning, start
her chapter, her legacy,
her family
Apr 1, 2021
Apr 1, 2021 at 11:16 AM UTC
sometimes its depression
numbing yourself so you don't feel
sad or angry or anything
so you don't hurt
inside and out
sometimes its tiredness
thinking and feeling and empathising
so much that your emotions shut down
you smile nicely at everything
and you know how to react
just enough to look okay
sometimes its wishfulness
hoping and praying so hard
that the pain suffered by the one you love
could disappear, because you're helpless
and you want so badly for them to feel better
because emptiness is what they feel
so maybe somehow
by feeling the same way
it'll help them
it's worth a shot
Mar 10, 2020
Mar 10, 2020 at 9:24 AM UTC
if i'm not alive
- i won't be here to give them so many problems
- so maybe i shouldn't be
if i'm injured
- they'll forget about all the smaller problems
- so maybe i should be
if i'm gone
- they won't suffer the bad that i've brought
- the frustration and anger
- so maybe
Dec 23, 2019
Dec 23, 2019 at 8:07 AM UTC