Her insides grew fuzzy as he spoke her name,
He always brought a smile to her face.
Her heart melted each time she saw him,
Especially when he flashed his dazzling smile.
From the moment she first kissed him,
She was lost in a deep trance.
Captivated by his dark brown eyes,
She saw the life she’d always imagined:
A man who loves her,
Accepts her for who she is
And all she has been through.
Loves each and every scar,
Physically, emotionally and mentally.
Will always stand by her side,
Do everything he can to provide for her.
Always finds a way to make her laugh,
Notably through the bad days.
Someone to create a family with,
No matter the challenges it may bring.
She is finally safe. She can breathe,
For she is in love.
This time, his eyes are empty —
The only thing staring back is misfortune.
Those beautiful eyes are telling her goodbye,
Just when she thought her search was over.
In this moment her heart shatters,
Leaving behind a gaping hole.
Despite her numerous efforts,
The void he created cannot be filled.
Will she ever find such compelling eyes again?
Aug 15, 2019
Aug 15, 2019 at 3:52 AM UTC
Growing up, it all seems so simple.
Someday you’ll fall in love, get married
And live happily ever after.
But it’s not that easy —
You’re going to get your heart broken
Multiple times.
So when your heart is
Shrouded with wounds,
How can you let the culprit
Draw near once again?
You try your best to stay guarded,
Yet curiosity tends to overpower you.
What if this person you’ve stumbled upon,
Is who you’ve been searching for all along?
How are you to know if it’s safe?
Safe to feel. Safe to breathe. Safe to love.
You don’t and it scares the living **** out of you.
Which is why you shove it all down deep inside.
It’s in that moment of uncertainty,
That your demons rush into mind.
Filling your head with all the reasons
Why you’re not worth any of it.
Without warning, the only thing you see
Staring back at you is
Everything that’s wrong.
Aug 6, 2019
Aug 6, 2019 at 5:09 AM UTC
It comes and goes in waves,
Her feeling of longing.
She stays lost in thought of him,
While he remains oblivious.
So many feelings buried within.
Ease. Casual conversation, making jokes.
The appearance of two people connecting.
A beautiful child asking for the man
She calls daddy, crushing another’s heart.
He has his reality,
There’s no room for her in it.
In failed attempts to move on,
She’s scared to move forward.
I can’t seem to escape. I’m stuck.
Feb 12, 2019
Feb 12, 2019 at 6:34 AM UTC
How are you?
What a loaded question.
People only ask that to be polite,
They don’t actually care how you are.
Or if they do, they want you to smile and nod
That way they won’t have to hear about your problems.
Some things are better left unsaid,
Or simply meant to stay in one person’s mind.
When I feel like I’m heading for a breakdown
I can’t tell you exactly why.
I don’t expect you to understand it,
I don’t even understand it myself.
I don’t even know if I want you to understand,
For you to see that side of me.
It’s terrifying,
The thought of you knowing what goes on in my mind
Especially when I’m alone...
Feb 28, 2017
Feb 28, 2017 at 3:42 PM UTC
“You have to go back”
Is what she tells me.
I want to fight back.
I want to scream at her for all the reasons why
Going back there makes me want to:
Scream
Cry
Throw up from anxiety
Curl up and die
You don’t understand,
I can’t go back to that place.
I have never felt this way about a place before,
And I can’t quite put my finger on it
But I know that it makes me crazy.
I can’t go back.
Please don’t make me go...
Jan 21, 2017
Jan 21, 2017 at 11:33 PM UTC
A smile even if it's a fake one is the best reaction you can give to the problems life throws in front of you..don't let problems deter or depress you...stay optimistic and fight it out...think of it as like this...'so,for many days i was going through a good phase...now i'm just going through a bad time...no problem..i just need to stay patient and work out a solution..no need to panic or get sad...it will be over soon and life will be bright again.'
Oct 9, 2016
Oct 9, 2016 at 5:05 PM UTC
Arriving at the event,
His words replay in my head:
“Don’t be shy, be polite,
And just act like a normal person.”
Excuse me, what did you just say?
Act like a normal person?
Who the hell are you to talk to me like that?
How does one act normal?
There’s no such thing as normal.
I think I know what you mean,
But you didn’t use the right words.
You say “act normal” but you really mean
“Blend in, be white noise, don’t stand out.”
How dare you tell me to ‘act normal’.
I want to be many things in life, but normal isn’t one of them.
I want to be brilliant, beautiful, loved, successful,
Talented, joyful, charitable, selfless.
I want to be so many things in this big world,
But normal is not one of them.
I refuse to accept to blend into the crowd.
I’m not normal.
I’m just me.
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Oct 9, 2016
Oct 9, 2016 at 5:04 PM UTC
I love you, but I won’t have you.
I can’t have you
Even if I wanted to.
And I do, yet I don’t…
Why is this so complicated
And so confusing?
You’ve met all the criteria on my list,
You’re that ideal guy.
And as other guys come along,
I see myself comparing them to you.
You’re my best friend
I sometimes wish we could be more,
But then I remember.
I value what we have right now too much,
To throw it all away for a few romance induced months.
I haven’t had those feelings for a long time,
Yet lately they perk up here and there.
Not when you do anything unlike you,
But that’s just it; You’re being you.
That’s what I admire about you
You say let’s just stay friends
It hurts, but I know you’re right,
Because deep down, I know it’s what I want too
But hearing you say it still hurts.
With you, I can see the long term
When I’m with you,
I feel safe
I feel comfortable
I feel like myself.
And if I wasn’t so scared of losing you,
I’d probably go for it.
Though I’ll never say it to your face,
I love you.
I have,
I will,
I can’t stop,
Even if I wanted to.
But the thing is,
I don’t want to stop.
Sep 2, 2016
Sep 2, 2016 at 11:19 AM UTC
You’re the first person I look for in the room,
When I see you, my heart skips a beat,
The butterflies appear in my stomach.
Stealing glances at you when you aren’t looking,
And looking away when you do.
Smiling at your smile,
Heart stopping when our eyes meet
You’ve probably never even thought of me,
At least not outside of school.
I don’t even know you,
But boy do I want to.
If you only knew that I think about you everyday,
Even when you probably don’t know my name.
Technically I’m single,
But my heart is taken.
Seeing you makes my day;
It’s what I look forward to.
I always get self conscious about the things I wear,
Just in case you notice me today.
Whenever I smile or laugh,
I try to look and see if you noticed.
If only you knew...
Aug 29, 2016
Aug 29, 2016 at 8:41 PM UTC
My teacher once asked
a short simple question.
She had asked,
"What do you want to be?"
Raised arms answered her query.
Open palms each belonging to excitable children.
Wide little eyes looked up at her.
Hands began to flail in the air...
Ever so hopeful of being chosen.
So that they could voice their aspirations.
So that they could begin to share.
One by one,
they each was given the opportunity.
Turn by turn,
boastful were some
while others spoke quiet and shyly.
Then the teacher stopped short.
Not before expressing her delight.
She was in awe of such young minds...
Having had such great wings
to eventually take flight.
Then she explained...
What she had initially meant.
Confused looks all around including me.
She rephrased the question,
*"What kind of person...
Do you want to be?"*
There was silence.
No arms shot up to meet the subject.
I don't recall having raised mine,
but I remember telling the teacher...
An answer (I was confident), she wouldn't expect.
I stood at my desk,
proud and tall...
And told the teacher
that I wished to be a person...
Well loved by all.
She smiled and I did too.
I felt it was a good answer.
She nodded to signal for me to take my seat again.
She paused before speaking,
and not a moment later.
She said,
*"That would be nice.
To be loved by all.
But that's close to impossible.
A big wish for someone so small."*
I had heard her words clearly...
However I didn't understand.
My brows furrowed...
And I was deep in thought...
Still I couldn't comprehend.
28 years later...
Here I sit,
looking back to that time in the past.
How time flies...
It simply ticked away...
All too fast.
Till just then I was still that boy...
Who tried hard to please.
I wanted to prove that it wasn't impossible.
You can be loved by everyone,
and you can do it with ease.
But now I have learnt.
Now I have found meaning
and understanding in my teacher's wisdom.
It took me a while but...
I know now...
That wishes and reality don't work in tandem.
You can choose to care and love,
everyone you see.
But to expect everyone to love you the same...
Is sheer
impossibility.
Aug 28, 2016
Aug 28, 2016 at 1:56 AM UTC