I remember winter, when we first met
at the coffee shop in town. How could I forget?
I didn’t think you were interested,
even though you sent the message.
Stayed on your phone, barely said a word
while I tried to get your attention by being absurd.
I felt like there was something just beneath the surface
but I couldn’t quite tell just what it was.
As the weeks passed, you’d open up a little.
I tried so hard to hide how you made me so brittle.
And when you kissed me at the library, I remember trying to hide my smile
because I was so happy, and your beard tickled. I was so glad to be worth your while.
You played Sufjan Stevens and held my hand real tight
when we went to our spot for the first time that one night.
Then the next day, you threw me away.
I guess you were scared, didn’t trust me, and I didn’t know why. It drove me crazy.
For three straight weeks I didn’t see your face
and I was so depressed, thought I had been replaced.
You blew me off, so I moved out to Little Rock.
Tried to run away, but I can’t seem to ever forget you.
So, I came back, and then you left me again.
Said you thought we should just be friends.
And then summer blossomed and you came back around.
My heart was ablaze with the joy I had found.
So many summer nights with you in the passenger’s seat;
I never could ask for a memory more sweet.
Summer changed to fall and I didn’t see much of you.
Kept sneaking kisses in your kitchen, out of your parents’ view.
Fall turned to winter and you were out of reach.
Our fighting got worse, used mean words in speech.
So here we are again, and we’re back to Spring
and you have lost all faith in me.
Thrown our love to the curb, forgot about the memories.
And now here I am, crying on my knees
because you won’t try, won’t even believe me
when I say that I’ll be everything you need.
But don’t you see?
These good and bad memories still aren’t enough
and it’s not that you leaving is just tough.
I can’t forget you or even move on if I tried
because you are, without a doubt, the love of my life.
I will be waiting. Even if it means I wait forever.
Mar 21, 2012
Mar 21, 2012 at 3:42 PM UTC
so, friends, where do we begin?
all the walls were closing in
my air supply was waning
and all the lights were fading
spun out so fast, I lost control
and in delirium, lost all hope
in my despair
I was gasping for air
looked into his eyes and saw nothing there
I’m so confused
been thrown for a loop
was doing all the wrong things and didn’t have a clue
I felt alone when you left me hurting
didn’t think anyone cared about my weakness
wouldn’t try to fix it
wouldn’t try to listen
but it was all my fault, and now I’m buried alive
under the weight of my regret and strife
keep praying to the heavens to give us some guidance
digging and digging, in search of some light
forcing out the thoughts of how I wanted to hurt myself
but for a long time, I realized, I’ve already been dead!
going through the motions, walking around like a zombie
but if anyone will listen, I swear that isn’t me
I lost my mind, no excuse, but it’s the truth, you see
I’m sorry to all the loved ones I have hurt, especially you
just got consumed with all the bad things I was going through
I never meant to be selfish, never meant to be a coward
just lost my way without knowing I had the power
to hurt you, I thought you didn’t care that much
wanted to feel your love, but couldn’t with all the fighting & such
I blamed you for it, I was wrong and bitter and broken
and blinded, didn’t realize what the toll is
I’ve pushed many away, think I lost the person I love most in the world
all by my own stupidity, but I’m gonna fight, no matter what life hurls
the curve ***** I’ve got em
I won’t cry anymore
I’m gonna piece myself back together and try to reset the score
I won’t give up on you, or on me
I’m gonna pray real hard and beat this illness, you will see
and even though you don’t have a reason to, trust me
because from the bottom of my heart, I am sorry
so while I’m giving you space, I’m gonna figure things out and get my life straight
no more drama no more fighting
just my love for you, the way it should be
so to my family and my friends and even you,
I’m gonna find hope, and I’m gonna find that light
gonna swallow my pride and have some insight
I’m gonna get better, gonna be alive again
and you will no longer have to miss your friend
Mar 21, 2012
Mar 21, 2012 at 12:57 PM UTC