last night i dreamt with raw emotion. i felt everything i’ve been afraid to feel all at once; i was scared but i was courageous and i was angry but i was proud and i was so in love with you.
i hid from sight because i knew seeing me would make you angry but i still stuck my neck out because i wanted that recognition. i knew that your shouting was better than your silence, and that the force of your fingers sinking into my skin was better than the stillness of your absence.
apologies had never come easier and i’d never cried so much in my life. my heart was in my throat and refused to let oxygen through to my lungs making it impossible for me to just be still.
i knew i had what i wanted, which was the exact opposite of what i needed. i knew how things would end up but oh it just felt so good to be home again.
May 28, 2011
May 28, 2011 at 12:18 AM UTC
and i'm one line a-
way from disappearing for-
ever. but i know
i will be missed my
smile and my laugh and my
tears and the way i
multitasked and the
way the word "resilient" could
be applied to my
name. so i guess i
will take another deep breath
and begin again.
Apr 30, 2011
Apr 30, 2011 at 1:20 PM UTC
my fingertips itch
for something iknow
i'm not supposed to want
to have.
it's within my grasp,
i can feel my veins
rising to the surface of my skin
because my body wants
what my brain
won't allow it.
blood boils better under pressure
and i can't come up for air soon enough.
do as i say
not as i do.
Apr 30, 2011
Apr 30, 2011 at 12:54 PM UTC
this life is taken for granted
with harsh words and
heavy hearts of unforgiveness,
unappreciative thank yous
and too many
i love yous
left unsaid.
and we never really realize.
too many of us
never
really
realize.
Apr 30, 2011
Apr 30, 2011 at 12:52 PM UTC
i don't get angry often.
there's no point
for
it's a short fuse and
i often get caught
in my own explosion.
but sometimes
on very rare occasions
it's not an overreaction.
sometimes
justification
hurts worse
and in the long run
means more.
Apr 27, 2011
Apr 27, 2011 at 11:11 PM UTC
rumi said
“this being human is a guest house.”
and i have spent great time in mine,
in the very beginning
slipping through
the cracks in the floorboards
after the rug was pulled out from under me.
i spent a lot of time in a painful free fall
grasping at straws
and feeling like i was alice,
tumbling down a rabbit hole only i could see.
but there’s no sense
in abandoning your own guest house, i think.
my homage to rumi is
still living in mine.
the basement still counts.
Apr 27, 2011
Apr 27, 2011 at 10:49 PM UTC
there’s no such thing as belonging
and i have learned this from you.
we found out
the world is not static,
stagnant water
attracts the most unfortunate flies and
planting your roots into solid soil
isn’t always best.
there’s no such thing as belonging
and if this still rings true
i’m really curious to know why
you think i belong to you.
Apr 27, 2011
Apr 27, 2011 at 10:48 PM UTC
i never thanked the man who saved my life.
I still smell the tobacco
and hear the noise his beard made against my face
as though the books beside him
would never speak again.
I like to think
just being here
is thanks enough.
Apr 25, 2011
Apr 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM UTC
i’d spend more time with you if I could
but
leash laws are strict
and you don’t have a collar.
hogging my bed
will have to be enough for now.
Apr 25, 2011
Apr 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM UTC
I know you better sober
but still
know what will make you cry.
the hardest part
is knowing what will make you happy
is lying through my teeth
saying
“I’m back where I belong.”
Apr 25, 2011
Apr 25, 2011 at 12:43 PM UTC