Sometimes it feels like I’m looking a stranger or maybe even a ghost in my mirror. Dark eyes with no sparkle stare back at me and part of me wonders when I started looking like a corpse. Meals get skipped more often than I actually eat and my body starts feeling like it’s made of glass that people keep breaking while she tries her hardest to put me back together. And when I get sick, because it always happens, it’s like my bones rattle as I shiver and each cough feels like my throat is being torn apart from the inside out and after each fit I try to be surprised that there’s no blood. When I’m asked about medical history I have to tell them I don’t know because I really don’t. I’m so stupidly afraid of getting some preventable but hereditary disease because I never knew it was in my genes. I find myself turning the same words over and over in my head while I lay in bed every night: they didn’t want you and they didn’t love you and it’s your fault. It’s gotten to the point where I believe the lies my anxiety-ridden subconscious tells me. The logical part of me knows the lies aren’t true but how do you console yourself in those lonely hours when you’re alone and no one can hear you cry yourself to sleep? Six nights a week it’s all fitful sleep and when I wake up I’m still so exhausted it takes everything I have just to haul myself out of bed to take the pill that makes it so I can just barely scrape by during school and even then it’s not good enough so I find myself failing and then I realize I just don’t care anymore. There is no in between for me, I can’t just kinda care it’s all or nothing and ninety nine percent of the time it’s nothing so I lose myself in my video games and ignore the screaming in the back of my skull that tells me to get up and do something productive with my life but I just can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to try it’s that I physically cannot make myself care enough to do anything and it’s almost like I can ******* feel my muscles begin to atrophy.
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 11:17 PM UTC
Take heed fellow traveler...
For inside the mind of every man
There is a saboteur
Wreaking havoc in your head
Filling you with dread
This saboteur is silent
Only you can hear its voice
Pounding in your senses
With every single choice
Do not lock yourself away
With a scheming saboteur
Or place yourself within its path
Or attempt to cure it of its wrath
You may think to follow it a while
That selfish saboteur
A word of caution:
With every mile, room, and tile
The saboteur holds your very soul on trial
While you suffer from the stress
Of trying to be your best
The saboteur is the one who stirs
Giving you no rest
However...
If you still struggle to seek it out
Or make this picture clearer
To learn the face of a saboteur
You need only find a mirror
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 11:15 PM UTC
Hurting inside.
Pain is everywhere.
I feel it in my soul.
Or where it should be.
Try and try but everything is already set.
We have no choice.
Its time to leave.
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 11:02 PM UTC
The touch of your hands
cracked my walls.
Your sweet fragrance
drowned me in an ocean of roses.
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 11:02 PM UTC
You can't just walk away as if you're ok
You can't just leave without a word
If you get hurt do not run stay
If you want to cry come to me I will hold you
Don't fear me because I care
Love me for I am still here at your side
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 11:01 PM UTC
I loved you more than you deserved. I spent far too many nights crying myself to sleep for it to be the right kind of love and you spent far too many nights questioning whether or not you loved me for it to be real. I don’t know much but I know love shouldn’t be worried that each time you walk out my door it’s the last or being too afraid to let go of your hand. I wanted more than anything in the world for it to be you but there are only so many times that I can fall asleep crying over you
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 10:27 PM UTC
Once upon a time
there's once a girl
who met a guy
and she fall in love with him
just like love at first sight
and when she met this guy
she observed everything about him
he had pretty hazel brown eyes
a broad cheesy smile
and dark hair too
at the church
she met him again
she said hey
and he said hello,nice to meet you
but she was too shy to continue
they started talking
everyday, every night
falling in love
slowly, deeply, madly
he hold her hands
across the busy road
he buy her flowers
which she love the most.
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 8:29 PM UTC
He comes to her in moonlights glow
Wraps her in his arms
it is so cold....
Protection he bestows
Yet she cannot feel his skin
so cold, she's shivering....
Only the feeling from within
He is her forever mate
At least in her minds sake
her breath crystallizes, frozen
She cannot know if he is truly there
Or if her mind just fabricated him to help deal with what she cannot bear.
so cold, dark, shivering, can't see
For he is only a ghost that shall forever leave with the dawn
With the break of the sun he disappears
gone
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 8:22 PM UTC
All I'm asking for is a chance,
A chance to prove my worth,
A chance to earn a place upon
This site to share my work
I'll show you my inner feelings,
Share insight to my soul
Relate, digest, connect the dots...
Through others work I'll scroll
Please accept me to your website
With arms that open wide
We'll laugh, we'll cry, we'll scream out loud;
Then smile, with you on side.
© Karen L Hamilton, 2015
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 8:21 PM UTC
forgiveness,
easy to perceive,
hard to admit,
forever to achieve,
hard to permit
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 5:09 PM UTC