Suddenly
I saw you months ago but I was too busy chasing the past
Keep on blaming myself for losing something that I wish would've last
I lost interest to everything, broke down and worst, I thought I wanted to die
But thank goodness I was snapped and brought back to my sanity
Through God, family and closest friends, I slowly healed
Till now I know Im a working progress
So when new year's came, new perspective came as well
And you're one of them
On a cold day of January, I saw you on a different light
Now you're all I think about
...
Jan 28, 2018
Jan 28, 2018 at 4:50 AM UTC
"Time"
that's all you need they said
To forget about the past
To let go of what wouldve been in the future
Seconds passed turned to minutes then to hours
The horror of the passing days
Revealing the truth of the one that got away
I tried my best to make use of my time the best way possible
In short, on ways that gonna make me okay
Fling here, hang out there, hoping that all the pain will be carried away
But to no avail
It ***** to be stucked
on what if's, shouldve been's, could have's
I'm ****** by the fact
that I cant just move on
I just wont
"It's been a long time" they say
Yeah but is time really helpful in moving on?
Or is it just a tickling reminder of all that happened in the past and what the future holds?
Like at this present time, I'm still holding on
to nothingness
Nov 1, 2017
Nov 1, 2017 at 6:38 AM UTC
In that deep hole
Where everything's broken, nothing's whole
Hollowness can be felt
Sadness from all that was left
I tried to be okay
Just like what everyone says
But pretentions have limitation
Now im pouring out
this poor heart
There is no one to blame for this misery
but me
I cause it, still causing it
And it's eating me, slowly but surely
Nov 1, 2017
Nov 1, 2017 at 6:28 AM UTC
She could've chose to mend things like what you wanted
Instead, she send you crushing, just like that, you were ended
There is the choice for her to ask for space
But what was her response, it was already a closed case
You thought her choice to break it up was hurtful
Then she surprised you of total abandonment, what could've been more painful?
Simply, it was between two choices
To stay or to stray, it was the latter she chose
And she did it with style, she caught you offguard
No talk, zero communication, none at all... who would've thought?
That she could do to you what you told her was done to you before
Ironically, "hers", was more
Out of the many choices she could've had chose
She chose that
Let that sink in
Let that matter
Let you remember
Sep 12, 2017
Sep 12, 2017 at 1:43 AM UTC
365 days gone
8760 hours, since you've been gone
All these months that passed by
I love looking back on the very first day, that was a Wednesday
When you texted me and I didnt even know who you were
Just your name written there on a piece of paper
A reminder to me
That all you could be
was trouble
But then we met in person
And i saw no valid reason
To avoid you: your kindness and niceness
All i was at that time was emptiness
Just keeping afloat along the strong current of life
There you were, the calm that unexpectedly came to me
We became close instantly
Like we've known each other our whole lives
I spilled out to you about my past
You did the same, we both support each other back then that the past will pass
So it did.
I loved you since that night when I was in the hospital and we texted till I need to sleep because my nurse caught me still awake
We talked then about how things would be once you left for Canada
Or maybe Ive loved you even before that
But I was just too afraid to admit
Because you were another "anne"
Because you'll be leaving too, soon, just like everyone else Ive ever wanted to stay
Because we were friends, you were the closest to me that time and I cant risk our friendship away
Because I was too scared, had always been, scared of loving and being not enough to make someone choose me and stay
Then 22nd September came
I was surprise by your somehow confession
I cant help but smile even though it's just a week before my grueling board examination
My friends told me to brush you off, you'll only be a destruction
But my heart thought otherwise, it saw you as an inspiration
So even though all the odds were against us
I took a chance, we both did.
We were happy, or I thought we were.
We had our own share of problems mostly started by me
I was still adjusting to this long distance thing
But you made me happy, you made feel loved, you made me feel emotions I havent felt in a long while
It was a summer to remember
Even with all the fights we faced, we're still together
Your words still ran through my head
It was a night before classes start
"Im gonna miss you" you said
"I'll miss you too" I answered
And just like before you rode that plane, we promised to make ends meet as I walked into a new journey
June came, pressure came, reality came
I have everything I ever wanted, all at once
Stable job, money to support and make my family happy, and of course you
But I was too confused, too afraid
I was so used on being sad
I was so used on losing things
That when everything Ive ever wanted came
I didnt know how to keep them, especially you
So I acted badly
All the pressure I was feeling, I turned it all to you
You were like my absorber
But you have your limit too
I regret every wrong doing Ive ever done to you
I regret taking you for granted
I regret everything I wasnt able to do to make you stay
I wanted it to be you
I badly wanted it to be you
I dont know how 2 months can ruin a strong 8 months
But then it happened
Youre gone
Here I am
525600 seconds passed
Still having wishful thinking
Dreaming of you, here
not there
Not that far away,
not to be the one that got away
Lots of could'ves, what if's, shouldve's
They all hold me on, telling me not to move on
There's no difference a year has made
Maybe I still need one or two or God knows how many just to forget you
But right now, all I know is, youre my favorite past.
The past that made me believe in now
and the future
And if in the future, we see each other one more time
With my feelings not changing a bit
With your name, echoing in my heartbeat
Dont resist to ask me this:
After all this time?
Always.
It will be always.
It will always be, always.
Aug 6, 2017
Aug 6, 2017 at 8:48 AM UTC
A picture of true love was what you showed to me, loving unconditionally and deeply. But love, and people, was too complicated to be just like that. I've got too much flaws and issues within myself. And you cant keep up with our down's and up's, so you gave up.
A picture of an almost perfect love story that ended up so badly, is all you left me.
A picture of a pure heart was what yours was, till now, i know how full of love your heart is. Always willing to give without asking anything in return. Always loving even if it means youre hurting. But I've got a cold heart of stone from all the failures I've experienced before. And just when you melt mine, your heart, and all its love, had frozen already.
A picture of a shattered heart broken to the tiniest bits is all you left me
A picture of promises not to be broken was what you gave me. For the first five months of our run, you made me believe in promises. But as more months passed by, you showed me the truth.
A picture that promises are really not for keeping is all you left me
A picture of a love that conquers all was what our love once was. Distance, time zone, gender, age and all, we bravely faced them. Determined to win and have our own happy ending. But the worthwhile fight had its own ending.
A picture of love defeated by circumstances is all you left me
A picture of the future was what we imagined together. For the very first time, i believe in tomorrow because of you. We had a lots of plans, but on the way of making them real, pain comes too.
A picture of a foiled future together is all you left me
A picture of you, yes you, before we got the guts to admit our feelings, before you left for Canada and before you left me for good, you gave me that picture. The only thing you left me alongside with thousands of memories. A picture i cant destroy but would rather keep. Just like all those memories we shared and made together.
A picture of us, from the movie-like start to a Shakespearean ending, is all you left me.
Jul 29, 2017
Jul 29, 2017 at 10:17 AM UTC
You need diversion they say, so I enroll myself to MA
but found that a 2-yr stoppage can bring a lot of difference
You need to relax for awhile they say, so I go out not just in a while but for most of the time
but found the lonely feeling even on the company of great friends tested by time
You need to escape, have fun, I went on to my favorite band's concert and forget everything that night,
but found that memories await, the morning i woke up
You need to go back to what healed you before, they say. I ran back to my first love - books
but found all the words too hurtful to be true
You need to express yourself on the best way you can, they say
but found writing too painful as a mean of telling my sorrows, fears, regrets and hopes.
You need to love yourself first before you love others, they say
but found no love in my heart, just pure emptiness, hollowness on the inside
Jul 26, 2017
Jul 26, 2017 at 8:24 AM UTC
The doctor said, "Your heart is pounding"
I know it too well coz I can't stop thinking
Negative thoughts conquered me like they always do
Fear of the unknown that is soon to be known
A minute or two is a matter of life and death
And waiting for the "sentence" is worst than any threat
The doctor looks calm, the exact opposite of me
She wrote down something I can't see
As she turned on the page
which seems like ages
I pray
for the first time in a long while
I pray
And the doctor said, "You're good to go, just take your meds and get some rest"
What a relief, my second lease on life may mean to live it to the fullest.
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 7:44 AM UTC
The constant wonder
of how things would've been if you didn't need to go away
The permanent reminder
of how things happened that led us to part ways
The never ending regrets
Of what I should've done
But now, we're all done
And the only option that was left, is to forget
Jul 23, 2017
Jul 23, 2017 at 7:39 AM UTC
We're now longer over
Than the time we've been together
Still, all the memories sting
Coz pain of what if's and could've been's is all it brings
Yesterday's promises of future
Now serve as pure torture
And there's no escaping it
Jul 23, 2017
Jul 23, 2017 at 6:32 AM UTC