lost my sweet boy
He's not dead.
He's just buried under the days we lost growing up.
I miss my sweet boy
He's not lost.
Just running from the idea of something he chose to run from - to forget.
He is no longer my sweet boy.
The Sweetness turned sour as I tried taking another bite
The Boy grew bitter as the taste drips from my tongue
The warmth of him grew grim as his hands twisted from warm to frozen in seconds
The last tear of the affection I had changed to nothing more than ash at my grasp
He used to meet me in the soft hours, between childhood and hope - now he only visits in echoes.
Half-formed.
Half-gone.
Half of the boy I loved
and none of the man he'd become.
Mar 18
Mar 18, 2026 at 4:26 PM UTC
I’d slowly start selling my things,
never too much at once to alert someone of my plans.
I’d make sure all of my debts are paid, so that burden falls on me alone.
I’d tell everyone I love them as inconspicuously as possible,
not giving them evidence that I’ve given up.
Then I’d run.
I’d charge into the sunset to rest amongst the clouds.
I fantasize about it so often I can almost feel it: the freedom of leaving a life I no longer know how to navigate.
I can taste the sweetness of it on my tongue, feel the relief in my bones.
I could let it all go and meet whatever is waiting for me on the other side.
What if it’s dark, desolate?
An empty wasteland, a mirror version of the life I tried so hard to evade?
What if there’s no relief in dying either?
Is my pain a tether to my soul, or will I rid of it when I part this vessel?
I have no hope:
not in this life
not even in death.
Mar 10
Mar 10, 2026 at 10:15 PM UTC
Past my skin you'll find my soul,
But you never bothered to look anyways.
Your fingers tracing along me.
across my body, the miles and miles of skin, enough space to wander, to cover, to smother, to hide me.
Run your hands up along my ribs - the cage - feeling my chest rise and fall with each breath you stole,
always breathing in the scent of you.
You lock your eyes on something
other than unlocking my cage to find my heart.
You always favoured the outside parts
rather than the depth that waited beneath it. Begging to be seen.
Without a performance.
Running out of time - we ran out of time.
Never enough time for you to stay.
Never enough time for depth that lied beyond my body.
You lead me through the forest,
always finding your way back to the path - somehow im still lost.
The clouds turned grey
and the light turned to dark as i spent more time trying to escape,
I saw through the trees in the moonlight,
but the moon looked wrong; almost false, I saw your reflection.
It flickered from time to time but too quick to catch it.
Too quick to hold it.
Too quick to ever find the warmth that held my face the same way you did.
Ever again.
Suddenly, im back in my room, you in yours. Only my walls carried the sound of my cries, you'll never hear.
Mar 9
Mar 9, 2026 at 10:51 PM UTC