gyul - Hello Poetry

I stab and cut my flesh and there is no pain. the warmth of blood is all my skin feels. I cut myself open and expose my heart and yet I feel nothing. the warmth of my blood is all my skin feels. I touch my heart with my bare hands..... a throb. warmth and a throb. a new feeling brings joy to my face. I carve my heart out and feel it throb till my body gives out. no more warmth. no more throb.

0

Oct 1, 2020

Oct 1, 2020 at 1:12 AM UTC

death plan

I stab and cut my flesh and there is no pain. the warmth of blood is all my skin feels. I cut myself open and expose my heart and yet I feel nothing. the warmth of my blood is all my skin feels. I touch my heart with my bare hands..... a throb. warmth and a throb. a new feeling brings joy to my face. I carve my heart out and feel it throb till my body gives out. no more warmth. no more throb.

10

I dont love you but I still think of you of when we loved eachother when we were one unbreakable I think of you being better off than me maybe I was the one holding you back your smile your eyes your skin they all look happier now I don't love you but I dont hate you I just miss us whatever we were I long for it

0

Aug 28, 2019

Aug 28, 2019 at 10:17 PM UTC

i don't love you

I dont love you but I still think of you of when we loved eachother when we were one unbreakable I think of you being better off than me maybe I was the one holding you back your smile your eyes your skin they all look happier now I don't love you but I dont hate you I just miss us whatever we were I long for it

16

2 hours of sleep and theres nothing to do but think beats from lullabies softly sound in my ear its 3am and I'll be getting 2 hours of sleep 2 hours of sleep to keep me going through this meaningless day sit and eat the 2 hours of sleep my body and mind so badly craved only fuel me to sit and eat the soft taps of my dogs paws on my wooden floor dont make me smile anymore 2 hours of sleep make me feel so uninterested in everything I love 2 hours of sleep because I am worthless and have nothing to do but stare at my screen 2 hours of sleep is all I need

0

Aug 28, 2019

Aug 28, 2019 at 12:17 AM UTC

2 hours of sleep

2 hours of sleep and theres nothing to do but think beats from lullabies softly sound in my ear its 3am and I'll be getting 2 hours of sleep 2 hours of sleep to keep me going through this meaningless day sit and eat the 2 hours of sleep my body and mind so badly craved only fuel me to sit and eat the soft taps of my dogs paws on my wooden floor dont make me smile anymore 2 hours of sleep make me feel so uninterested in everything I love 2 hours of sleep because I am worthless and have nothing to do but stare at my screen 2 hours of sleep is all I need

10

do you also have days were you need someone to hold you? do you also feel like laying under your sheets and crying? do you crave the feeling of being loved? when will we ever get to feel that joy? I dont even care if it's not with me.... I just want you to feel loved. I want you to know love. you are love. you are my love. but I am no one to you, and I'm okay with that. at least I think I am.

0

Jun 10, 2019

Jun 10, 2019 at 9:43 PM UTC

i wonder

do you also have days were you need someone to hold you? do you also feel like laying under your sheets and crying? do you crave the feeling of being loved? when will we ever get to feel that joy? I dont even care if it's not with me.... I just want you to feel loved. I want you to know love. you are love. you are my love. but I am no one to you, and I'm okay with that. at least I think I am.

11

loneliness makes my veins hurt. like as if they are being drained of the blood inside of them. loneliness makes my eyes tear up, with all the fluids I drank today to make myself look preoccupied in order for people not to think I'm a loner. I feel lonely.... and it ***** I want to go out with a friend, I wish I had a friend. I want to feel love, not the bf/gf type of love but any love. I want to be loved, I want to be cared for by someone other than my mother who has to love me. I want to not sit alone in my room and cry about being lonely. I want self growth, I want to be the person I've always wanted to be. someone who is happy and contempt in life. I feel scared and alone. I'm scared of facing reality and the fact that no one cares about me. I'm scared to go to graduation because no one but my mom and brother will cheer for me, I'm scared of that because I'll be embarrassed and probably drop my diploma out of frustration. I'm scared to grow up. im scared to face the even more free time I'll have to fill with self pity in college. I have to get a job soon and I'm scared ill **** up. I'm scared to do anything that will embarrass me. I dont want to go to a new environment. I want to be able to be happy In a place i know. that's why I regret quiting my job, I knew how it worked and how to do things. but now I'll have to embarrass myself working at a new place. meet new people. fake smile at new customers. fake smile at myself in the mirror. I always complain and never try to make a change. as I write this my veins hurt, my heart feels weird. I read last night that loneliness can **** I tried to die last September, but that was on my own agenda. I'm not sure if I want to die just simply because my heart couldn't take the fact that no one wanted to be around me. it hurts. I'm tired of the pain. I am so tired of this constant feeling in my veins that makes me want to rip them out.

0

Mar 24, 2019

Mar 24, 2019 at 4:22 PM UTC

loneliness(pain in my veins)

loneliness makes my veins hurt. like as if they are being drained of the blood inside of them. loneliness makes my eyes tear up, with all the fluids I drank today to make myself look preoccupied in order for people not to think I'm a loner. I feel lonely.... and it ***** I want to go out with a friend, I wish I had a friend. I want to feel love, not the bf/gf type of love but any love. I want to be loved, I want to be cared for by someone other than my mother who has to love me. I want to not sit alone in my room and cry about being lonely. I want self growth, I want to be the person I've always wanted to be. someone who is happy and contempt in life. I feel scared and alone. I'm scared of facing reality and the fact that no one cares about me. I'm scared to go to graduation because no one but my mom and brother will cheer for me, I'm scared of that because I'll be embarrassed and probably drop my diploma out of frustration. I'm scared to grow up. im scared to face the even more free time I'll have to fill with self pity in college. I have to get a job soon and I'm scared ill **** up. I'm scared to do anything that will embarrass me. I dont want to go to a new environment. I want to be able to be happy In a place i know. that's why I regret quiting my job, I knew how it worked and how to do things. but now I'll have to embarrass myself working at a new place. meet new people. fake smile at new customers. fake smile at myself in the mirror. I always complain and never try to make a change. as I write this my veins hurt, my heart feels weird. I read last night that loneliness can **** I tried to die last September, but that was on my own agenda. I'm not sure if I want to die just simply because my heart couldn't take the fact that no one wanted to be around me. it hurts. I'm tired of the pain. I am so tired of this constant feeling in my veins that makes me want to rip them out.

8

hate is a strong word that I can only use to describe my feelings towards you hate is what fills my eyes with tears everytime you spit your degrading words towards me, you spit and spit until I am nothing but a puddle of sadness and pity a puddle of hatred that you splash and stomp your feet in, with each stomp my the hatred grows and expands until I become a ocean of hate yet you dont seem to care and keep swimming in me the hatred I have for you is something I wish I did not have, I wish I was a ocean of love and admiration for you but you can only seem to put me down and belittle me so a ocean of hatred is what I am

0

Mar 24, 2019

Mar 24, 2019 at 1:45 PM UTC

a ocean

hate is a strong word that I can only use to describe my feelings towards you hate is what fills my eyes with tears everytime you spit your degrading words towards me, you spit and spit until I am nothing but a puddle of sadness and pity a puddle of hatred that you splash and stomp your feet in, with each stomp my the hatred grows and expands until I become a ocean of hate yet you dont seem to care and keep swimming in me the hatred I have for you is something I wish I did not have, I wish I was a ocean of love and admiration for you but you can only seem to put me down and belittle me so a ocean of hatred is what I am

7

snow, snow look it's snowing let all your worries go away like snow being carried away by the wind It's snowing The snow has fallen onto your shoulders adding more weight onto your shoulders Close your eyes Breathe in breathe out Look at the snow It's falling I'll make you a warm cup of tea Tell me about your day It's okay to be stressed Watch the snow fall and tell me about your day It's okay to let tears fall down your face Watch the snow fall and let the tears fall down your face It's snowing

0

Mar 7, 2019

Mar 7, 2019 at 9:24 PM UTC

snow

snow, snow look it's snowing let all your worries go away like snow being carried away by the wind It's snowing The snow has fallen onto your shoulders adding more weight onto your shoulders Close your eyes Breathe in breathe out Look at the snow It's falling I'll make you a warm cup of tea Tell me about your day It's okay to be stressed Watch the snow fall and tell me about your day It's okay to let tears fall down your face Watch the snow fall and let the tears fall down your face It's snowing

16

thanks, to you who's words comforted me. thanks, to you who's voice wrapped me up in a warm blanket safe from the world. thanks, to you who made me laugh during sleepless nights. thanks, to you who showed me that it's okay not to be perfect. thanks, to you who I have never met.

0

Feb 24, 2019

Feb 24, 2019 at 2:31 AM UTC

thanks. [a letter to a singer]

thanks, to you who's words comforted me. thanks, to you who's voice wrapped me up in a warm blanket safe from the world. thanks, to you who made me laugh during sleepless nights. thanks, to you who showed me that it's okay not to be perfect. thanks, to you who I have never met.

5

Instagram, nothing. snapchat, nothing. Twitter, nothing. I sit in bed, alone for the 100th day. alone.

0

Feb 23, 2019

Feb 23, 2019 at 10:16 AM UTC

aches in my chest

Instagram, nothing. snapchat, nothing. Twitter, nothing. I sit in bed, alone for the 100th day. alone.

4

I feel like I'm taking attention away from him. attention I know teenagers so desperately need at the age of 15, he says it's okay. but I know its not. at the age of 17 I am being treated as if I will break at any moment. my brother who is only 15 puts me in a safe spot along with all the other delicate things in our home, right next to my mothers good china. at the age of 14 my brother witnessed my first suicide attempt. he held me in his arms *** my mother tried to make me throw up. at the age of 14 he almost lost his sister. so when I start smiling less and caring about myself less he notices, and attempts to make me laugh. all I do is give him a weak smile. the smile he had on his face when I went to his orchestra concert after isolating myself in my room in autumn, warmed my chest. a good sister is what I want to be. someone who will be there and not take anymore of my mothers attention from him. I want to pay him back for being there for me through all of those dark times, but first I need to learn how to be a good sister.

0

Feb 23, 2019

Feb 23, 2019 at 12:07 AM UTC

what does it mean to be a good sister

I feel like I'm taking attention away from him. attention I know teenagers so desperately need at the age of 15, he says it's okay. but I know its not. at the age of 17 I am being treated as if I will break at any moment. my brother who is only 15 puts me in a safe spot along with all the other delicate things in our home, right next to my mothers good china. at the age of 14 my brother witnessed my first suicide attempt. he held me in his arms *** my mother tried to make me throw up. at the age of 14 he almost lost his sister. so when I start smiling less and caring about myself less he notices, and attempts to make me laugh. all I do is give him a weak smile. the smile he had on his face when I went to his orchestra concert after isolating myself in my room in autumn, warmed my chest. a good sister is what I want to be. someone who will be there and not take anymore of my mothers attention from him. I want to pay him back for being there for me through all of those dark times, but first I need to learn how to be a good sister.

8