I stab and cut my flesh and there is no pain.
the warmth of blood is all my skin feels.
I cut myself open and expose my heart and yet I feel nothing.
the warmth of my blood is all my skin feels.
I touch my heart with my bare hands..... a throb.
warmth and a throb.
a new feeling brings joy to my face.
I carve my heart out and feel it throb till my body gives out.
no more warmth.
no more throb.
Oct 1, 2020
Oct 1, 2020 at 1:12 AM UTC
I dont love you
but I still think of you
of when we loved eachother
when we were one
unbreakable
I think of you being better off than me
maybe I was the one holding you back
your smile
your eyes
your skin
they all look happier now
I don't love you
but I dont hate you
I just miss us
whatever we were
I long for it
Aug 28, 2019
Aug 28, 2019 at 10:17 PM UTC
2 hours of sleep and theres nothing to do but think
beats from lullabies softly sound in my ear
its 3am and I'll be getting 2 hours of sleep
2 hours of sleep to keep me going through this meaningless day
sit and eat
the 2 hours of sleep my body and mind so badly craved only fuel me to sit and eat
the soft taps of my dogs paws on my wooden floor dont make me smile anymore
2 hours of sleep make me feel so uninterested in everything I love
2 hours of sleep because I am worthless and have nothing to do but stare at my screen
2 hours of sleep is all I need
Aug 28, 2019
Aug 28, 2019 at 12:17 AM UTC
do you also have days were you need someone to hold you?
do you also feel like laying under your sheets and crying?
do you crave the feeling of being loved?
when will we ever get to feel that joy?
I dont even care if it's not with me....
I just want you to feel loved.
I want you to know love.
you are love.
you are my love.
but I am no one to you, and I'm okay with that.
at least I think I am.
Jun 10, 2019
Jun 10, 2019 at 9:43 PM UTC
loneliness makes my veins hurt. like as if they are being drained of the blood inside of them. loneliness makes my eyes tear up, with all the fluids I drank today to make myself look preoccupied in order for people not to think I'm a loner. I feel lonely.... and it *****
I want to go out with a friend, I wish I had a friend. I want to feel love, not the bf/gf type of love but any love. I want to be loved, I want to be cared for by someone other than my mother who has to love me. I want to not sit alone in my room and cry about being lonely.
I want self growth, I want to be the person I've always wanted to be. someone who is happy and contempt in life. I feel scared and alone. I'm scared of facing reality and the fact that no one cares about me. I'm scared to go to graduation because no one but my mom and brother will cheer for me, I'm scared of that because I'll be embarrassed and probably drop my diploma out of frustration. I'm scared to grow up. im scared to face the even more free time I'll have to fill with self pity in college.
I have to get a job soon and I'm scared ill **** up. I'm scared to do anything that will embarrass me. I dont want to go to a new environment. I want to be able to be happy In a place i know. that's why I regret quiting my job, I knew how it worked and how to do things. but now I'll have to embarrass myself working at a new place. meet new people. fake smile at new customers. fake smile at myself in the mirror.
I always complain and never try to make a change.
as I write this my veins hurt, my heart feels weird. I read last night that loneliness can **** I tried to die last September, but that was on my own agenda.
I'm not sure if I want to die just simply because my heart couldn't take the fact that no one wanted to be around me. it hurts.
I'm tired of the pain. I am so tired of this constant feeling in my veins that makes me want to rip them out.
Mar 24, 2019
Mar 24, 2019 at 4:22 PM UTC
hate is a strong word that I can only use to describe my feelings towards you
hate is what fills my eyes with tears everytime you spit your degrading words towards me, you spit and spit until I am nothing but a puddle of sadness and pity
a puddle of hatred that you splash and stomp your feet in, with each stomp my the hatred grows and expands until I become a ocean of hate
yet you dont seem to care and keep swimming in me
the hatred I have for you is something I wish I did not have, I wish I was a ocean of love and admiration for you
but you can only seem to put me down and belittle me
so a ocean of hatred is what I am
Mar 24, 2019
Mar 24, 2019 at 1:45 PM UTC
snow, snow
look it's snowing
let all your worries go away like snow being carried away by the wind
It's snowing
The snow has fallen onto your shoulders adding more weight onto your shoulders
Close your eyes
Breathe in breathe out
Look at the snow
It's falling
I'll make you a warm cup of tea
Tell me about your day
It's okay to be stressed
Watch the snow fall and tell me about your day
It's okay to let tears fall down your face
Watch the snow fall and let the tears fall down your face
It's snowing
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 9:24 PM UTC
thanks, to you who's words comforted me.
thanks, to you who's voice wrapped me up in a warm blanket safe from the world.
thanks, to you who made me laugh during sleepless nights.
thanks, to you who showed me that it's okay not to be perfect.
thanks, to you who I have never met.
Feb 24, 2019
Feb 24, 2019 at 2:31 AM UTC
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die
"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong
"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"
They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?
Feb 23, 2019
Feb 23, 2019 at 10:20 AM UTC
Instagram, nothing.
snapchat, nothing.
Twitter, nothing.
I sit in bed, alone for the 100th day. alone.
Feb 23, 2019
Feb 23, 2019 at 10:16 AM UTC