Regardless: an adverb
It means despite the prevailing circumstances.
He holds me despite the prevailing circumstances.
No he does not hold me regardless. Regardless is too plain to say.
I must use the definition because it is much better in its complex form.
And he loves me, even in my complex form.
He is my respite.
Not a sedative; not a mask of the pain
No he is relief
He brings me assurance that I can sleep again
That I can cry again but never alone
He holds the wheel of my concious when I need to rest
I no longer need to be my own support all the time
When he holds me he holds all of me
The ugly, the beautiful
The shame, the pride
He holds sore crying eyes and happy crying lies
He holds strength and perseverance
He holds love and thoughtfulness
He holds the woman that often mistakes herself for a girl
He holds the woman that realizes that she can be loved
Not loved in the way that books, songs, and drugs try to impersonate
No
She is valued. She is appreciated. She is thought of. She is loved in a way that is unexplainable and that's ok. It doesn't need to be explained. He knows.
And yet he knows enough about her that would easily make others run.
But he stays.
And he holds her.
And he loves her despite the prevailing circumstances.
-G.A.
Jun 28, 2022
Jun 28, 2022 at 1:50 PM UTC
I do not believe in soulmates or love at first sight.
We are social creatures, yes, but someone being "just right"?
We do not live happily ever just like Disney claims
But we choose to introduce and learn each other's names
I don't think fate ever dealt me a good hand
But then I'm in your passenger seat while you drive with one hand
I feel out of my body when the radio is playing
I've never been this happy; "Don't leave me please" I'm praying
In less than 3 minutes I'll have to go inside
My stomach drops sickly when my driveway is in sight
I smile into every kiss of ours and remember I'm not dreaming
That the pretty boy I worked with is now the one I'm seeing
His contagious smile and eye contact was close to intoxicating
I looked forward to work for once and he was my only reason for staying
I have found a word for this phenomenon of a boy
Serendipity;"to accidentally find joy"
I have accidentally found true happiness in the arms of someone I may have never met
But thank God I did, for this stranger is no longer one I will forget
-G.A.
May 24, 2022
May 24, 2022 at 9:25 PM UTC
It didn't work out the way we wanted to did it?
I know.
Everyone's first relationship hurts the most because we wanted to live it
Not learn from it
But we are not those people anymore
We are still what we loved about each other
But we are not what we loved about ourselves
I love the parts of me that you loved
And I will forever be grateful for you being that bridge to my self-love
But I will never forget giving you your birthday present at the park
I will never forget the happiness that electrified your smile as the tissue paper tore from the wrapping
I will never forget how those 20 seconds made my entire year.
So if I ever lose you I’ll live forever on our park bench in case you need to find me
And if you lost the address, I will bike to you instead
Our park bench can miss us so that we don't have to miss each other
But I will always love you, loser
-Dork
May 24, 2022
May 24, 2022 at 4:34 PM UTC
You are the first day of summer
No, not the day where the sun's out but you still need to grab your coat
No
You are waking up and the floors aren't chilled anymore
Hearing birds for the first time in months
Where the sun soaks into your skin like a drought
And the grass is warm
The grass is more vibrant like lime instead of a faded and browning green
You can smell the newly cut grass
The neighbor's dogs' barking isn't as obnoxious
In fact you smile at it as you walk to the mailbox
You can walk at 7pm and the driveway's concrete is still warm from the sun
Where it's pitch black but the air is no cooler than 60 degrees
The lake's water is no longer stilled; it's rushing with boats
Children run in hats and sunglasses that are too big for them
To have that childlike urge to ride a bike down the road
You are happiness
You are what I look forward to
You fill me with the warmth that I had forgotten existed after life's winter.
You remind me of the first day of summer.
And I love the first day of summer with everything I hold
And holding you, I feel like I can love me too.
-G.A.
Apr 27, 2022
Apr 27, 2022 at 8:20 PM UTC
Dad used to walk past the closet and smell your clothes
Maybe he was trying to remember what it felt like to hold you
They don't smell like you anymore
I wonder what he fills that closet with now
Maybe winter clothes
Or shoes
Or tears
I wonder if he turns over in the middle of the night to see if the right side of the bed is still empty
I think he cried when he gave away your coffee machine
And I wonder if he still has all of your mugs and your Hard Rock Cafe glass
I wonder if he misses you in the passenger seat
And still knows your phone number by heart like I do
I wonder how much he sold the recliner for that you died in
Did he tell the buyer that his wife died in it?
I wonder if he calls you his wife or his ex-wife when he speaks about you
I wonder if he just calls you "Wendy" or "my daughter's mom"
I wonder what he did with your lipstick and your purses
I wonder if he still eats at the Thai place you liked and if he sits alone
I wonder if he avoids going to church because it's where we had your service
I wonder if he talks to you in his head
I wonder if he'll ever tell me how much he misses you
Now that I know what's it's like to love someone, I can't imagine them dead
I'm so sorry Dad.
Apr 27, 2022
Apr 27, 2022 at 7:54 PM UTC
The apples of her cheeks have held years of our laughter
Her teary fit of giggles hold too many chapters
She's envied by spring, at least that's the rumor
She is vastly infectious with beauty and humor
When I see her again I won't let her go
Good God I miss her, I hope that she knows
She's alluringly gorgeous, her beauty captivating
Yet she doesn't even see it; It's so frustrating
I have envied her hard work and impenetrable strive
I wonder if she knows how much she is my guide
I would not be the woman, even half of what I am
Without my cherished Allison, I'd have failed life's exam
And if diamonds are a girl's best friend,
She's glittering and sparkling in the light's bend
-G.A.
Mar 3, 2022
Mar 3, 2022 at 8:30 PM UTC
I am too young to feel this sore
My wooden feet pull from the wooden soles
I sit in the wooden chair with my wooden spine aching
Yet I am no Walt Disney character, no no no
I have not been written with fairy tales and magic wands
My whole body feels like tired wood
Worn wood
Wooden bench sat on by thousands
A house's wood that has seen too many families
Fire wood that is stored only to be burned later for other people's enjoyment
But I want to crawl into a tree and grow with it
Every cell in my body transforming into one of the tree's rings
To grow translucent green leaves and say goodbye to them in winter
To stretch my body and sprawl into every individual branch
To drink plentifully from my roots when the sky cries
To be so still but hold so much life
I would like to sit loftly above houses and have children create entire kingdoms upon me full of memories and imagination free of limits
I would like to hold a swing or a hammock
I would like to grow backwards and be 6 years old again
To swing on the cheap 2 by 4 wood my dad hung from our magnolia
To love trees as I used to
To look forward to warm sun, a tree swing, and the "big kid" chapter books
I would like to be a tree
But I would rather be myself again
-G.A.
Mar 2, 2022
Mar 2, 2022 at 4:29 PM UTC
We were young and beautiful.
We tasted each other and feasted
on our banquet. I smell you still
I'm 73 and you're beside me in bed
in dreams that are more alive
than my daily crawling to death.
Mar 2, 2022
Mar 2, 2022 at 4:09 PM UTC
what is this kiss? you
use a tongue unknown to me
I cannot translate
Mar 2, 2022
Mar 2, 2022 at 4:08 PM UTC
-T.W. Abuse-
Your fingers wrapped around my throat and tightened like a zip tie
Your eyes were surging with red and inflamed pink
The lines on your face deepened as your expression hardened
The veins on your arms were visible
Your rough calluses snagged at my skin
I breathed out and my lungs could no longer inhale
You pressed even harder
It was strangely quiet. Just the sound of us scuffling and breathing
I feel my tears roll down the sides of my face dampen my ears and hair
My throat hurt so much, I didn't know if I couldn't scream from fear or from the pressure of your hands
Every move I made you only pressed harder
You were like quicksand
In those 30 seconds, I considered dying. Maybe if I stopped struggling-
No
I tried kicking you as hard as I could but there was no use
My forearms were trapped under your knees and I felt shooting pain
I could only move my neck about 20 or 30 degrees
I bit down so hard I was sure I had dislodged my jaw
I heard it pop and my ears rang
I ran out
When I looked in the bathroom mirror, I thought I was in a movie
I looked like I was in special effects makeup
I had a cut along my head
Blood was dripping down my nose, cupid's bow, and lip
I could taste blood like I had just run without stopping
My throat had individual fingerprints that were a ghastly white and jaundiced
My chest was splotchy and red
I could already see bruises forming on my arms
From my cheekbones to my jaw, it was a pale blue
The mascara I had put on at 8am had run down my cheeks
It was not a moment of survival and strength
I felt beaten
I looked beaten
I looked abused
In that very moment as I audibly gasped a cough and a cry, I knew
I knew he did not love me
I knew my dad abused me
And in that singular moment,
I knew that if I did not leave, I would no longer live
-G.A.
Mar 2, 2022
Mar 2, 2022 at 3:51 PM UTC