she seldom rests
or feels secure
i wish she could catch a break
i wish i could tell you what she goes through
but i don't know, you might think she's crazy
because i sometimes do
right now she's pushing you away
i wish i could make her believe "it's okay,
you don't have to go through this every day"
but she doesn't know any better
she just wants to breakdown
maybe i can just trick her
stop her before she spirals
figure out what she needs
and remind her "these thoughts aren't you,
they're a response learned from the things you've been through"
Jul 8, 2021
Jul 8, 2021 at 1:22 PM UTC
TW: suicidal ideation
**** it all
don't wanna do this no more
everything makes me feel small
like i have no control
they'd care if i was gone
but they don't know what's going on
i'm trying to be strong
while they act like nothings wrong
i can't live like this anymore
yet i don't know what i want
but i know i don't want to be here
i can't escape it anymore
i've passed the point of no return
every time i drink or smoke
i feel my head and chest burn
thinking how my life isn't what i chose
you'd think by now i'd have learned
but unfortunately not
i continue to take wrong turns
it will probably get worse
until I'm forced to pretend
like i believe in myself
so i'm not at my end
it's my time to build
the life that i want
but i don't know how to get it
without working my *** off
Jun 25, 2021
Jun 25, 2021 at 3:45 PM UTC
As I wake everyday life seems to drag me down,
It just seems like I'm a never-ending pawn,
I try hard everyday to stay above ground,
But it seems like drowning and my arms are bound,
I can't help but to think that my life is quicksand,
And it seems like everything I do I'm just not landing,
My head and body fights for air,
It seems like there is no end near,
People look on with crossed arms,
I can see in their eyes my darkest times,
Feels like they're pushing me into the ground,
Would they ever notice I'm no longer around,
It just seems like I'm in my own quicksand,
Would anyone ever give me a hand,
Or am I in this fight against the hourglass,
Only time can tell and I only hope this will pass,
Until that time I'll be here in the quicksand,
Hoping someone or something will give me a hand...
May 27, 2017
May 27, 2017 at 7:12 PM UTC
I barely dipped my feet
while you dove head first,
into treacherous waters,
seeking enlightenment
only to find each euphoric second
drip away
draining your sea.
Ten dollars a hit,
five dollars a hit.
*"I promise I'm finished,
I promise I'll quit."*
A cost higher than you imagined, unfortunately.
Not just for you,
but me as well.
*We got high in the mountains,
dilated eyes gazing up to the stars,
seeing God masterfully paint the universe.
It was beyond description.
Then...
it ended.
I treasured the memory like a secret lover
you chased it in fervor,
one after another.*
****** powder dripping from your nostrils,
hiding holes in your skin,
you stared in my eyes claiming you saw the heavens,
opening your palm,
as if you held the key to paradise.
I closed it and offered mine,
a key to escape the unseen prison
you've bound yourself in.
You frowned and turned away.
I wanted to scream,
whisper,
plead...
but I said nothing.
I let you sink farther and deeper into chasms of the deep.
Merely, watching.
Now I sit here at the edge,
with the waves around my feet,
watching your figure disappear
into the foam
and the unforgiving jaws
of choices you've made.
Forgive me.
I gazed into the abyss while it swallowed you whole,
I could have done more to save you.
I should have tried to save your soul.
...but I didn't...
May 27, 2017
May 27, 2017 at 7:09 PM UTC
today you left
but you pushed me away a while ago
i go back to the night we met in my dreams
sittin' on your floor
lookin' into each other's eyes and smilin'
i replay that image in my head as if it meant somethin'
but what did it actually mean to you
we were just drunk
trippin' on shrooms
i could've easily loved you if you let me
the one night you opened up to me
my heart broke for you
you trusted me
and i kissed the tears off your cheeks
i cared about you more than myself
it still wasn't enough
you pushed me away
and only called me past 2 am
i told myself to stop tryin'
because you did
the night before you left
we talked in your empty room
i couldn't help but smile as you talked to me
you said if we were up later we could hang out
then you left without sayin' goodbye
May 22, 2017
May 22, 2017 at 8:16 PM UTC
My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her ******* are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks,
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know,
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
Mar 6, 2017
Mar 6, 2017 at 8:56 PM UTC
you smiled at me
i could feel the tears coming
but i smiled back
Mar 6, 2017
Mar 6, 2017 at 12:50 PM UTC
we're forced to live these lives we don't even enjoy
lives that we can't necessarily fix
drinking our pain away
being strangers with the ones we love
Nov 29, 2015
Nov 29, 2015 at 10:56 AM UTC
you don't know how much something is bothering
you until you're drunk and your mind
is wrapped around it
engulfed in it
i'm melting
into my
sheets
but you're still in my thoughts
i can't walk
straight
but i can still remember the last thing
you said to me
May 26, 2015
May 26, 2015 at 8:32 PM UTC
i still think about the day you left
i never knew a pain like that before
you said goodbye so easily
and visited as you pleased
and i opened the door to you
each time you knocked
this pain didn't go away
while i was sleeping
while i was laughing
i gave you all of me
and you took it gladly
just to use and dispose
you put me through agony
Mar 13, 2015
Mar 13, 2015 at 9:26 PM UTC