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gonzalobartleby
39/M/London, UK Spanish in the UK. I love writing, reading, old (and new) movies and music. As Murakami said once, "pain is inevitable; suffering is optional": that's why I am back to poetry.
There is a wheel. This wheel is an anchor, and a yoke. It goes round and carries us. It has been going            forever. There is a ring of fire under it. Sometimes you see the flames from the wheel. They speak to you of warning, memory, truth, like a whisper from a mirror. The wheel keeps going. You carry it.
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Nov 20, 2025
Nov 20, 2025 at 8:18 AM UTC
Your father, part 2
It doesn't matter that your father abandoned you. It doesn't matter, because men abandon; some men abandon; a man abandoned; a man abandons. Sometimes I can hear their steps in the dark. It doesn't matter that your mother suffered like her mother suffered and made you suffer, because women suffer; some women suffer; a woman suffered; a woman suffers. Sometimes I can hear their steps in the dark while they go away.
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Nov 20, 2025
Nov 20, 2025 at 8:15 AM UTC
Your father, part 1
A child is a flower that knows the seasons by heart while you remain immobile like a statue. A child is a hat made of leaves and the snow cannot reach you. A child is a small thing. A child grows, and is a big thing. A child is   when you were a child. A child is your parents (when you were a child). A child is a capricious god that steals your glasses when you're wandering in the dark. A child is here and now. A child is here on this earth. A child is nosotros. Mañana. Siempre. A child is.
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Nov 19, 2025
Nov 19, 2025 at 2:35 PM UTC
A child is
The stars are out and you know the way - Piccadilly, Rusholme, Withington, Wythenshawe. These are names that could freeze your soul in blue and maybe light a candle in the dark if you could only find a spark. Every building is an open door, every street an absent flower that unknown gods collected long ago when it was raining. This is England - a promise. I tell myself - there is a plan. Just follow through, be yourself, smile under this weird constellation and expect the unexpected; what you want will happen, it's just probability and probability is always on your side when you are in Manchester.
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Nov 17, 2017
Nov 17, 2017 at 3:53 AM UTC
Mancunian song II
I still see the trees and feel the wind that gently shakes the leaves and the big buildings when the light is fading and the evening is more than a promise that people going back home like ghosts of June can't keep even though Milano is looking great and you come to me and say hello pumpkin can we live in this park forever and eat melon.
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Nov 13, 2017
Nov 13, 2017 at 5:03 PM UTC
hello pumpkin
I'm in England, and in some other part of the world, you are too. Our journey's been long, and we move the sky with us like the people of old. Across green fields, red brick houses and old factories. Far beyond the sadness in the face of somebody you see every day on the bus - a sadness you can relate to, because you are the same, after all, but can't explain (and what would be the point?). Leaving behind green lakes and desolate mountains and tiny villages, there is a place someone like us once called home. It might be a small house, surrounded by trees, or maybe a bright flat where children once laughed. We follow in the footsteps of a thousand nations. That's why when we leave, we'll be back, and when leaving again, we'll still be here. Is this country a refuge in the night where we sleep until the morning of our lives, or the embodiment of the unattainable? We keep moving forward, and I'm blinded by the lights - but I embrace it. This is me now.
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Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 2:43 PM UTC
English diary
I have always been afraid of words meaning too much, or too little. But with you, I have never been afraid. I have felt, though, responsible for your pain. You are something to me. And I have been something to you, too. When I remember the touch of your hand (and I am far, far away) life shrinks and shines: everything is simple. You were there for me. You never put a price on your love, and your love was priceless. It was tall as the tree that grows in your childhood memories still. It was heavy as a rock from Mount Everest; I cannot lift it, but it helps me climb to the top. I have always been afraid of words meaning too much, or too little. But with you, I have never been afraid. All these years on planet Earth, and I am grateful. I will see you now.
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May 31, 2017
May 31, 2017 at 5:52 PM UTC
I will see you now
It's a small bar, with old wooden tables and no music: I like to get a break sometimes and I come here every Sunday after my CBT sessions. The waitress smiles. She is Spanish too but (it's that white mist taking over my mind again) I can't articulate and I just speak English, hoping she doesn't notice my accent. When she brings me a dark decaf coffee, even if I have asked for a decaf tea, and I taste it, and it tastes horrible, I lose balance and stumble for a moment ("you are going to fail", and "this is all your fault", and "just let it go, don't move, it'll pass"). It is such a small detail in the grand scheme of things, but this decaf coffee, this black mist, makes me feel that there is something wrong with me. I look through the window: across the road, a student residence, all windows and shining glass. A girl goes up the stairs with a blue basket in her hands; she is probably doing the laundry. Another girl leans on the sill, and smokes. I invent a life for them, and it's a good life - a life to praise. I want to go back to Uni, I think, and for a moment I feel safe, and warm. ("Never mind, I'm too old, after all"). I pay for the coffee and leave. In two hours, she'll have clean clothes, and I don't know where I'll be (especially on days like these, when my mind feels heavy, and weak).
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Apr 22, 2017
Apr 22, 2017 at 3:56 PM UTC
The blue basket
I live in this city alone. It is always cloudy here. It is cold and it rains all the time but you could find love if you wanted. That's what I tell myself when I'm wet and cold on a lonely street, walking home. You could look through the window of an old Victorian house and, seeing a beautiful family in a living room full of books, think “this could be my family”. Or, in another reality, “that could be me, as a child or, maybe one day, as a father”. The city has no limits; take advantage, this could be your land. You could call this city home, bend it to your will if you wanted to. Take this city in your hands and squeeze it. Forge a big heart out of it or some wings. Just give it a chance, it’s not too late and you still need to get home and it's ****** raining                                     again.
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Apr 22, 2017
Apr 22, 2017 at 5:56 AM UTC
Mancunian song
I am leaving this house, where I once dreamed of a shared life, shards of future reflecting the light, telling me "you can do this, yes, you can." Somebody left; the roots were shaken but the tree still stands. I am leaving this house, this refuge, solid ground. There was only a dark night; it lasted for two weeks, and I survived. I am leaving this house. (I didn’t sleep for two weeks, that time, but it’s over now, I am fine).
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Apr 22, 2017
Apr 22, 2017 at 5:12 AM UTC
Farewell to the Victorian house