You once asked me why I even liked you.
I started rattling off the usual answers:
You’re funny, you’re sweet, etc.
What I should’ve said is:
You feel like home.
The only problem is:
The home I know is full of fighting.
Full of lying. Full of pushing and pulling.
Home is not safe. Neither were you.
Feb 12, 2024
Feb 12, 2024 at 11:12 PM UTC
Cold hotel rooms during childhood family vacations
Looking for the peace and direction that never was
Feigning the pleasant vision of relationships
Longing to return to where everything was familiar
Despising the idea of society-influenced normality
Refusing any form of participation in your delusions
Falling asleep to do it all over again tomorrow.
I lie awake in my bed alone and older
But nothing else has changed.
Feb 10, 2023
Feb 10, 2023 at 7:37 PM UTC
I’m a righter – not a fighter.
Things will end how they may
But I securely believe
That some day
You lot will leave;
Every mismatched rhyme
And unknown connection
Will have its time
Shrugging off all signs of affection
Therefore dismissing any reason
That might reside in that mind
And I will ease on
To erase all memory of your kind.
I won’t choose this as my battle
Because I know where it ends –
It’ll inevitably shatter
And these shards don’t tend
To smooth themselves out,
Nor will you take it
Upon yourself to try a differing route –
A new escape – but the same ****
So I’m left wondering why
It’s always my job to make it right.
Feb 8, 2023
Feb 8, 2023 at 6:48 PM UTC
You’ll never know what’s going on inside my brain
I’m not that girl anymore
Who writes poems from the inside to match new scars on the outside
And you’re lucky
You’ll never wake up to a new post about my fuck-ups
Or get a call begging you to stop them from happening
I’m not that girl anymore
I wasted that on the wrong person
I gave up
And you’re lucky
Apr 24, 2021
Apr 24, 2021 at 11:38 PM UTC
You don’t hate me
But of course you don’t
I didn’t blame you for your intrusive thoughts
I didn’t rip your innocence out of your hands
I didn’t claim your issues were personal attacks on me
I didn’t invalidate your experience
You have no reason to hate me
I am the one left with hate when all I wanted was to love
The pain, distress, confusion all rolled into one
No other way to express my emotions
I’ve become a shell of who I used to be
I’ve become a fraction of a human being
It’s the hate that fuels me
To be better than us, better than you
Apr 6, 2021
Apr 6, 2021 at 10:26 PM UTC
I offered you everything and you tore it apart like you’d never been loved before
You left me with nothing to give so I could never be loved again
Apr 4, 2021
Apr 4, 2021 at 10:36 AM UTC
It’s true you never left me alone —
you left me with EVERYTHING
Apr 4, 2021
Apr 4, 2021 at 1:13 AM UTC
I desperately don’t want to live in the past, but I’m equally terrified of my future.
Apr 1, 2021
Apr 1, 2021 at 12:18 AM UTC
I don’t want to be happy with you.
I think neither of us deserves it
& I want to drag you down,
even (especially) if I go down with you.
Maybe we’d find happiness together
while we’re there. Better yet,
maybe we’d find it for ourselves
so that we won’t have to be together.
While everything continues falling
into place, we lead our own lives
pretending not to know each other
because we don’t need one another
until we’ve started falling.
Sometimes, it’s the past that won’t
leave us alone. During those times
I wonder how you’re doing and I
really want to speak to you but I won’t.
Jul 10, 2017
Jul 10, 2017 at 3:50 AM UTC