You.
A force beyond my control.
Her.
Fated to enter my world.
When?
Life was already upside down.
Reason.
It was You who turned me upright now.
Yes.
So, this is how our life began.
One late summer night.
Two stars collide.
Luau in July.
Purple Palms.
Flamingo Cups filled to the brim.
I smoked a little too much.
Reality lost its touch.
They say that Dreams are made of this.
Who was I to disagree?
Unexplained emotions brewed.
Swirling questions upon questions.
Endless thoughts of You.
And your laughter.
Reminder of good vibrations.
Leaving me breathless.
Yet, you felt like fresh air.
It sounds crazy,
but I'm not crazy.
Usually so restless.
My entire being soothed.
Your presence.
My companion.
What I didn't know then
I understood now.
You were the more that meets the eye.
The calm to my aching core.
I wasn't supposed to be here.
This wasn't my scene.
But everything in life
has its reasons.
has purposeful meanings.
This was our season.
Our destined re-meeting.
You lit the Spark.
In my bonfire heart.
I was bare.
Fate don't care.
Whats meant will always be
And transparency had you
Seeing right through me
You rose me up.
While my layered walls
silently fell apart.
I was a complicated maze.
But, your kindness conformed me.
It was your eyes,
Those eyes that looked me over
After that,
I was completely swept under.
As if my life was at Stake.
I became more awake now.
For it was this one night.
That changed everything.
That truly changed me.
I walked away that night
More dazed then confused
Because deep down.
I think I always knew.
That this was that love.
The kind that's endless.
Once in a lifetime.
And, I thought to myself
That if forever should start today.
It had to be with You.
Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 9:30 AM UTC
Why do humans hurt other humans.
Why do we pick at the seams of our souls
Why does the essence of who I am
not seem enough for anyone?
I have been rejected
with my heart in my hands
I am your fool. You crush me.
Puppet played on a string.
Where is my integrity. Why do I cave in?
Where is the moral in love?
Does that word not stand anymore.
Am I much too much for my own good
Wisdom tells me to listen and learn
why do I feel like I'm crashing and burning
Pick up my ashes and spread them wide
Does this mean im free
When My whispers in the wind ask you
Am I enough now?
Dec 10, 2015
Dec 10, 2015 at 5:43 PM UTC
I want to disappear
Leave no note
Erase my existence.
Fade away
like dead leaves
From sycamore trees
I can't stand it
I feel too much
I say more than I should
I cover my mouth
But I can't take it back
When will I learn
I'm so naive
So quick to run
At the slight chance
It will burn
I don't want to care
Even after you leave me
Time and again
Just standing, there
My mind is racing
My thoughts always
So complicating
My eyes see
But I don't know
I don't care
I don't care
Yes you care
I don't want to care
This hurts too much
I try to be strong
I've tried for too long
Should I quit
Surrender this heart of mine
Would it be so kind to die
To wave my condition
On the tears
of my mother,
father,
sister,
brother,
foe
No, not I
I didn't come this far
To ditch my life
Or to spit on my name
My birthright is claimed
And my purpose lay waiting
Though I know glory is laid
in the hands of my father.
Yet, still look at me, I falter
So quick to jump
That much is clear
So quick to love
Whom do I fear
Dear inner me
I say to you
Pity the fool
Who turns from you
You are everything
You are the essence of truth
You are love wrapped in clover
You are divine
And your soul is a fire
Those too weak can't carry
Don't aspire to capture the liar
Just desire the light within you
There you'll find the proof
Your strength is of many mountains
From Generations passed
To Generations come
Your worries are of only a mustard seed
Your heart is the greatest
And it is the capsule you read to world
I ask you to lay in wait
For much more is to come to you
Rise and claim your victory
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 6:36 PM UTC
Hinemi
They say
To form a new habit
You have to feed it everyday
5am worship.
6am 10 minute meditation
Hinemi
I've been so broken.
I was so lost.
So preoccupied
Needy with lust
Hinemi
He says
I'm free at last.
Every fiber of my being
Wants to believe
I have peace
I am peace
I give peace
Hinemi
I started with
The Our Father this morning
I closed my eyes.
I breathed
In and out
Deeper
Hinemi
And
Deeper
Hinemi
I waited
Hands open
Mind racing
But quiet
I sat still
Hinemi
He came
He sat before me
Beautiful in all his glory
Facing me
I burst into tears
I love you
Father
Hinemi
He came
He placed his hands over me
His love poured over me like rain
My eyes in awe
He came
For me
To give me peace
To pray over me
Hinemi
The time passed
Like sands through
An hour glass.
I didn't want you to go
Please don't leave me alone
I cried longer
Your love pressed harder into
My bruised, and frozen heart
You placed your hands on my hands
And said I am never alone
You are my home
I am home
Hinemi
Oct 27, 2015
Oct 27, 2015 at 9:41 AM UTC
I broke my vow.
In the eyes of my God
I failed.
I waited.
28 years.
For someone to come.
The one.
For my love.
I broke my vow.
Impulsive.
Oh my reckless heart.
I was lost in the lust of it all
A stranger.
Less than 48 hours.
Lessons you learn
Flashbacks that burn
Two days of bliss
A Forbidden wish
Bruised lips
Your scent left on my pillow.
The sound of your heartbeat
Your arms on my arms.
I never experienced this.
Watching you sleep
Regret sweeps deep within me.
Mine for a moment in time
You're not even aware.
I want you. Not you exactly.
I want this. But did I want this night?
And every moment that passed
I knew it wouldn't last
A stranger in my bed.
A fantasy you played
In my head.
I wanted it to be love
with the one I love.
But, This isn't real love.
Now tomorrow came
No take backs
Just a mess of my bed
And my head
But the mutter
The clutter of thoughts
They cleared.
I can breathe again
I can feel again
I am me again.
I already miss the feeling
The anticipation of your arrival
The stir in my stomach
The aroma of your perfume
It's haunting me.
Everywhere.
You were here.
The proof of your kiss on my lips
Of a body next to my body
A presence occupying
The lonely space
For so long
My heart was
Just a lonely place
What do you mean
When you said
You miss me?
Don't tease me.
Even you rejected me.
Left me neglected.
Tempted and emptied.
Is this what it feels like.
That's what I waited for?
Humanity
they can't all be
Just like me.
When I saw you last
I knew it would be
The last time
Selfishly I wanted to say
As I watched you walk away
Please don't go.
I don't want to be alone
Not because I wanted you
But because The loneliness
is leaving me spiraling
No longer the tightest bud
My petals strewn about
I left my mark
And you left yours too
Piece of me
For a piece of you
The stupid things we do
To learn
To find truth
Harsh as it may
I ask
Please don't judge me.
Lord above me, please forgive me.
Oct 4, 2015
Oct 4, 2015 at 4:24 PM UTC
You're the spoon
I'm the ***
You stir me up
I get real hot
You're motivating me
To go places
To do good
Be better
But I don't think you know
How much I want you
Very much so.
It's not about the way you move
More for the way you think
More for the dream
Even if it's just a dream
I hope for more
I hope for all the things
We spoke about
But mostly
I hope you don't forget me
Oct 1, 2015
Oct 1, 2015 at 11:38 AM UTC
Days like this come
Time after time
When my lighthearted gaze
fades to darkness
No life. No color. No flavor
Like a blank canvas
I've lost my way
Matters of the heart
Have me tightly bound.
To a cocoon prison
Around my heart
Inside my mind
I feel like I have no air.
I'm suffocating.
Just breathe.
I think I'm going to lose it.
I can't seem to keep
My feet on the ground.
I am so foolish
And I lost focus.
Leaving me feeling
Desperate and hopeless
I lack sleep.
I feel alone
I lust for those
Whom lie
Emotions
You swirl me
Subdue me
And shut me down.
I still ask,
Why doesn't somebody love me?
Is it I?
Father I cry
But the tears
Have run dry.
It's just an ache
In my chest
A bottomless pit
A low so low
I'm groveling
Palms up
Mercy me
Finish me
Hineni
Sep 28, 2015
Sep 28, 2015 at 10:00 PM UTC
Alarm goes off.
Get ready.
Make ups
Good
Hair is
Good
Outfit
Eh.
Breakfast in a bowl
Out you go.
Leaving on time
Yes.
In the car
Put your bowl on the dash
Never a good idea btw
I learned
Next thing I knew
Passenger side covered in goop.
20 min to clean
Now I'm running late
****
Wash your hands
Be Quick
grab something to eat.
This will do.
Ugh.
Out the door.
20 to 8
This is no good
I'm late.
I'm really late.
Sure enough
Traffic.
20 min really makes a difference
All I keep thinking is
I'm hungry
Please let there be a parking spot
****
This hair went from
Good to disheveled
Finally
820 arrived on campus
Why do people drive so slow.
Ah
There's parking.
Grab it.
60 min to spare.
Sun is searing
But I can barely
see through my windows
I remember
Windex in the trunk.
Tattered rags
College students pass
Crazy girl washing her Windows.
Yea that's me.
Ugh don't beep.
Embarrassing
No I won't wash yours next
Laugh
Cringe
Can I go back to bed
Thursday's that ****
Sep 24, 2015
Sep 24, 2015 at 11:49 AM UTC
We first locked eyes in the computer lab
You didn't look away then, but I had to.
It happened once more a week later.
Same reaction.
Same pit of my stomach feeling.
Why do I blush so **** easy.
You give it away.
Think nothing of it I said.
Today while working in the coffee shop
I looked up and there you were.
Look away.
Don't make eye contact.
Body betrays me.
I look back.
He's staring at me.
We both don't look away this time.
What is this?
Interest?
Attraction?
Curiosity?
Lust maybe!
My eyes betray me because he appeals to them
But for now only in the physical sense.
One day there was a ring on his married finger.
Today there wasn't.
The naive part of me wonders if it's just a ring or is he married?
The rational part of me says
He's married!
Stay away.
This bad boy is not for you.
He's probably just stroking his ego anyway.
Maybe I'm just lonely.
Maybe it's just me staring.
He can't really be looking at me like that.
Right now I'm curious.
Right now I kinda like the tease.
Although deep down I know
this could be trouble.
Sep 23, 2015
Sep 23, 2015 at 6:59 PM UTC
I
Fear
Everything
Always
Raef
Why am I afraid?
To dream
To love
To have
To hold
To touch
To laugh
To cry
To make love
To accept love
To fail
To disappoint
To succeed
To rise
To die
It seems maybe I'm most afraid
To live
Sep 23, 2015
Sep 23, 2015 at 1:00 PM UTC