God, this household is so suffocating.
She's so ******* suffocating.
I love my Mum so much; she is my anchor and my world.
But god, the world is too much for me.
I just feel so lost in space.
She just wants what's best for me, as any typical mother does.
But by god, she is suffocating.
I love her so much, but each time I try to understand her, get closer to her, I ******* burn myself each time.
I almost never recover sometimes.
I could go for months not seeing her and still feel ****** for not calling, texting or visiting her, but I don't because I almost never want to.
I never tell her all things I should tell her but I don't because she can never just sit and listen, she has to give her much advised wisdom and knowledge on what I should do most efficiently.
I don't want to do anything efficiently; I just want to breathe.
Live my life moment by moment, but she worries if I crash and burn myself.
So ******* what.
Let me.
I can't make any mistakes when I should.
She'd say,
"of course, you should make mistakes; it's what makes you grow into a more developed person".
So ******* let me do so then.
"Do you have a backup plan? What are you doing after that? What is going to happen after this? Where would you go? Why are you so all over the place?"
Because I'm still learning how to find my footing, and if you'd let me, I'd get there.
"But you're not there now. It's been a while; what have you been doing instead? You've wasted all that time and money for what? You should get a job. When are you going to learn to drive? Where are you going to get this money?"
Shut the **** up. Just stop it. I'll come to you when I need your help.
In the meantime, just try to support me from a distance, as I have loved you.
Your repetition is grating my ears, and you hate to repeat yourself, but you still do it and will do it again and again.
This vicious cycle we're both in will never stop unless one of us pulls out.
And I'll do that first.
To stop hurting both of us.
We don't rub each other the wrong way.
We don't understand each other the right way.
I'd be useless without your lead, but please, for the love of god, let me walk my own way.
I'm still young.
"When I was your age"
You had all the freedom, will and determination to build your own life.
Let me do the same.
I love you, Mum.
So terribly much.
But it hurts both of us if you view me as yourself.
I can't possibly picture myself with your own life, and I don't want to.
I know you know that, too.
I am me.
And you are you.
I genuinely wonder, Mum, how do you view me?
What am I to you?
I know what you are to me.
You're my mum, my guidance, my world.
And I'm so sorry if I come off as ungrateful, ignorant, arrogant or naïve.
However, I'm still learning to be your child and to be happy.
I'm still learning.
Mar 24
Mar 24, 2026 at 2:06 PM UTC
Trudging by
Sifting through tar
One tug after tug
Pulls after pulls
Twists after twists
I'm clawing away from my homestead
Grasping for the surface,
Clearing my path with
One stroke after stroke
Grunt after grunt
Push after push
I'm dreadging along
Each inhale a prayer,
Each stomp getting softer,
Smoother, silkier.
Simpler, with that sliver of warmth
Nov 14, 2023
Nov 14, 2023 at 4:38 AM UTC
Stroking Her made
You feel closer to another one,
The more
You kissed Her neck, Her shoulders,
Her cheeks. She was the treasure you
Found on your hunt for solitude.
She made you feel as if you were
enough and deserving of Her love.
I saw how close you were to Her,
My wit, grace and smile
Couldn't turn you. I should be
closer to you than She was.
Jun 19, 2023
Jun 19, 2023 at 6:53 AM UTC
Soft bushy mane moves from side to side on cotton cloud,
Vague vision dance around on the pink bubbles with no intention of staying behind, ‘Stead leave pitter patter foot steps of colours of love and hatred to taunt you when you wake,
However, nor scared nor assured what to do when in state of your paralysis,
Now, you, in the state would not mind being threatened by nightly visitors,
Who would put chains and shackles on you and would you fight back? You try and try and try and try and try,
but don’t you think deep down that these nightly visitors are just there because you want them to be?
Then again, why not?
Oct 25, 2022
Oct 25, 2022 at 4:35 PM UTC
Busy, busy bee.
Busy, buzzy bee.
Whirring, wizzing, watching.
Carving, sculpting, moulding
a new form, filling the hole
with a masses of honey,
dotted all over, mashed with a neighbour.
Busy, busy bee.
Busy, dizzy bee.
Shifting, shoving, showing.
Wiggling, writhing, whining.
Coated in honey, scraping
out little bubbles.
In….
Out….
Busy, busy bee.
Busy, thinking bee.
Licking, inhaling, choking.
Taste, make haste, quickly.
In….
Out….
In….
Out….
Oct 6, 2022
Oct 6, 2022 at 5:48 PM UTC
F***k, I’m sorry…so sorry
I should’ve known the risks of being your friend.
You give, You take.
What’s yours is yours
And what’s mine is yours.
Thank you for letting me know why I’m your friend,
Why I even talk to you.
I don’t regret any decisions I’ve made because that’s what being a teenager who ages too fast does to you.
EVERYTHING AFFECTS YOU
like the world would crumble if a feather touched you.
You seek joy and blame and hurt and love and s*x like
They’re all shoved into one neatly wrapped present with a bow tie on it, including a note from me and many others saying:
“Enjoy life, love, destroy it while it lasts”
I can’t say anything around without that upper lip of yours where you’re more hurt than any of us.
I forgive you, so terribly much.
But it would all mean nothing if you couldn't forgive me for being so disrespectfully drunk.
Oct 1, 2022
Oct 1, 2022 at 2:50 PM UTC
i can’t go back with him and if i do it’ll be in vain
i would love to but it would be selfish
i still love him, whenever i see him i just wanna hug him and say “i’m here, i won’t go”
i wanna kiss him on his cheek and just love him
i think about him every day in the little things and say “i remember when he did that”
i wanna feel that love he gave me too again
i miss our cuddles
our conversations about nothing,
the little explanations of everyday things
i miss making you laugh and smile with me
i miss making you blush with simple kind gestures
we met at the right time and place and yet we were just buds
i want us to grow apart and come together again
i want all of these things and know that it will happen
it won’t happen and yet i fantasise
about us at a party, looking at each other from across the room, slowly getting together like magnets and both realising
“i want to be with you right now”
i want to be with you right now and tomorrow
right now and tomorrow
it’s selfish of me
i want only the best after me
after us
after yesterday
i want to discover more new things about you and you to i
it’s not fair
Jun 21, 2022
Jun 21, 2022 at 1:37 AM UTC
i’m not afraid of bridges anymore
what’s it’s gonna do?
crumble beneath me?
i hope it does
i hope it consumes me
i hope it buries me underneath its rubble
i hope it suffocates me with impure air
i hope my bones crumble softly
let me see my saviour for the last time as i fall under my bridge
i hope it hurts
i hope you’ll never save me
Jan 16, 2022
Jan 16, 2022 at 3:39 PM UTC
what should i do?
do i text them??
it feels to awkward and useless,
it feels wrong.
but it feels wrong to discard a friendship that has changed me.
and more self aware too.
but at the same time i’m glad that i don’t have to talk to them but i worry from time to time and it hurts so i don’t want to text them out of guilt and instead out of memory.
but how?
should i just text them “hey, it’s been awhile, sorry about that, hope you’ve been doing well”
that’s actually good.
but it’s too late now. or is it?
i don’t know…
i hope you are doing well and that you will be in the future.
Jan 16, 2022
Jan 16, 2022 at 3:32 PM UTC