firebird - Hello Poetry

I tried to write a poem about how I felt but the paper just stayed empty because how do you write out the sudden realization that because you trusted and told a secret a friend will never look at you the same how do you write out your screams when he lays his cold hands on your body how do you write out the red of your skin after trying to scrub his touch off how do you write out the sound of her voice when she laughs and calls your name how do you write out the taste of your tears when your parents say you’ll always be a girl how do you write out loneliness and watching your two friends talk and laugh while you just sit quietly how do you write out jealousy and regret when you see how little everyone cares I don’t know how to write this poem I guess I’m just not a good poet.

0

Mar 29, 2018

Mar 29, 2018 at 8:16 PM UTC

Not A Good Poet

I tried to write a poem about how I felt but the paper just stayed empty because how do you write out the sudden realization that because you trusted and told a secret a friend will never look at you the same how do you write out your screams when he lays his cold hands on your body how do you write out the red of your skin after trying to scrub his touch off how do you write out the sound of her voice when she laughs and calls your name how do you write out the taste of your tears when your parents say you’ll always be a girl how do you write out loneliness and watching your two friends talk and laugh while you just sit quietly how do you write out jealousy and regret when you see how little everyone cares I don’t know how to write this poem I guess I’m just not a good poet.

36

There is a boy that lives in my closet. I keep him in a Nike shoebox next to my skeletons and other things I’m trying to get rid of. Day by day I guard the door to my closet in fear of what you’ll say when you realize he’s not another thing you can control. I beg and hope that he’ll stay inside my claustrophobic closet but each time I let him out it gets harder to keep him in because now he knows there’s something outside his confined life. Because now he knows there is a world of dazzling color and loud laughter and he isn’t satisfied like he used to be. So each time I leave my home he escapes into the way I talk or the binder on my chest and it scares me that I can’t seem to hide him anymore. There was a time when I wasn’t afraid to let him be seen. We used to play together, back when we didn’t realize you were staring at us in horror, whispering my difference in each other's ears. But just because he was visible doesn’t mean he was seen instead all you could see was a confused girl, a “tomboy”. But you say I’m getting too old to be a tomboy. Last night you crept into my closet a gun in your hand and uttered those ten painful words I could not bear: “You’re going to high school as a girl next year.” And for each word there was a bullet wound bleeding water from my eyes and screams from my throat I woke up to find locks on my closet, a reminder that all the courage I’d worked up to tell you about the boy I was hiding was a wasted effort. The boy pounds his fists against the empty walls but I can only helplessly cry for the person I wish I was.

0

Mar 6, 2018

Mar 6, 2018 at 7:59 PM UTC

The Boy In My Closet

There is a boy that lives in my closet. I keep him in a Nike shoebox next to my skeletons and other things I’m trying to get rid of. Day by day I guard the door to my closet in fear of what you’ll say when you realize he’s not another thing you can control. I beg and hope that he’ll stay inside my claustrophobic closet but each time I let him out it gets harder to keep him in because now he knows there’s something outside his confined life. Because now he knows there is a world of dazzling color and loud laughter and he isn’t satisfied like he used to be. So each time I leave my home he escapes into the way I talk or the binder on my chest and it scares me that I can’t seem to hide him anymore. There was a time when I wasn’t afraid to let him be seen. We used to play together, back when we didn’t realize you were staring at us in horror, whispering my difference in each other's ears. But just because he was visible doesn’t mean he was seen instead all you could see was a confused girl, a “tomboy”. But you say I’m getting too old to be a tomboy. Last night you crept into my closet a gun in your hand and uttered those ten painful words I could not bear: “You’re going to high school as a girl next year.” And for each word there was a bullet wound bleeding water from my eyes and screams from my throat I woke up to find locks on my closet, a reminder that all the courage I’d worked up to tell you about the boy I was hiding was a wasted effort. The boy pounds his fists against the empty walls but I can only helplessly cry for the person I wish I was.

64

You told me nobody wants you. When did that happen? I want you, but I don’t see where I became “nobody”. I mean, in my eyes I’m somebody. In my eyes I’m somebody likable and funny… but I am pretty stupid. And I mess up a lot. But I am definitely not “nobody”. So when you tell me that nobody wants you, that- that hurts! Cause I don’t see how you can say that when someone is there looking out for you every day, because they care about you very, very much. I am not “nobody” so never say nobody wants you. Because I want you. And I’ll fight for you every day, just say the word. I think about you every day, I wonder how you’re doing because I- I can’t be there with you all the time! But that doesn’t mean I’m “nobody”.

0

Feb 9, 2018

Feb 9, 2018 at 2:37 PM UTC

I Am Not "Nobody"

You told me nobody wants you. When did that happen? I want you, but I don’t see where I became “nobody”. I mean, in my eyes I’m somebody. In my eyes I’m somebody likable and funny… but I am pretty stupid. And I mess up a lot. But I am definitely not “nobody”. So when you tell me that nobody wants you, that- that hurts! Cause I don’t see how you can say that when someone is there looking out for you every day, because they care about you very, very much. I am not “nobody” so never say nobody wants you. Because I want you. And I’ll fight for you every day, just say the word. I think about you every day, I wonder how you’re doing because I- I can’t be there with you all the time! But that doesn’t mean I’m “nobody”.

31

He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't see your face in a crowded room, he doesn't think about you at night. He forgot the color of your eyes even though he told you he'd never seen something so beautiful. He doesn't talk about how bad he misses you. He doesn't remember what it feels like to kiss your lips. Sweetheart, he doesn't care about you, and you chasing him will only make his ego bigger and your pride smaller. He doesn't love you anymore. I'm so sorry.

0

Feb 6, 2018

Feb 6, 2018 at 6:40 PM UTC

You Still Miss Him

He doesn't care anymore. He doesn't see your face in a crowded room, he doesn't think about you at night. He forgot the color of your eyes even though he told you he'd never seen something so beautiful. He doesn't talk about how bad he misses you. He doesn't remember what it feels like to kiss your lips. Sweetheart, he doesn't care about you, and you chasing him will only make his ego bigger and your pride smaller. He doesn't love you anymore. I'm so sorry.

1

I wave but you can’t see me I speak but you can’t hear me We touch but you can’t feel me I’m getting panicked now Why can’t anyone recognize me? I scream but you won’t turn to me You search your memory for any remnant of our history but you seem to come up… empty I finally realize I’m missing from your memories You don’t remember all the times I’ve wiped your tears You don’t remember all the times we’ve laughed together You don’t remember all our peaceful years I know this is just a waste of time but it’s hard to watch your future sprinting past our crime We were always easily divisible but I didn’t realize I was so invisible

0

Jan 26, 2018

Jan 26, 2018 at 3:51 PM UTC

Forgettable

I wave but you can’t see me I speak but you can’t hear me We touch but you can’t feel me I’m getting panicked now Why can’t anyone recognize me? I scream but you won’t turn to me You search your memory for any remnant of our history but you seem to come up… empty I finally realize I’m missing from your memories You don’t remember all the times I’ve wiped your tears You don’t remember all the times we’ve laughed together You don’t remember all our peaceful years I know this is just a waste of time but it’s hard to watch your future sprinting past our crime We were always easily divisible but I didn’t realize I was so invisible

23

Take my heart Rip it out Cut my skin ‘Till I shout Carve out my soul Burn it to ashes Shoot me apart Leave ****** gashes I trusted you And like Little Red She trusted a wolf So now she lies dead

0

Jan 24, 2018

Jan 24, 2018 at 8:34 PM UTC

Broken Trust

Take my heart Rip it out Cut my skin ‘Till I shout Carve out my soul Burn it to ashes Shoot me apart Leave ****** gashes I trusted you And like Little Red She trusted a wolf So now she lies dead

12

Love scares me. I like the type of things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. But you can’t touch love. You can’t hold onto it and make sure it never changes.

0

Jan 24, 2018

Jan 24, 2018 at 8:17 PM UTC

Love

Love scares me. I like the type of things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. But you can’t touch love. You can’t hold onto it and make sure it never changes.

8

Have you ever noticed the stutter in my words or the way I can’t control my paranoia? My spiteful eyes and cracked lips still forced into a smile, trying to prove everyone that I’m a fighter. No one ever bothered to hold me close, to tell me it’s okay to not be fine. So I run through my life as if it’s a battlefield, hoping that one day I can live and not just survive.

0

Jan 24, 2018

Jan 24, 2018 at 8:15 PM UTC

Fight

Have you ever noticed the stutter in my words or the way I can’t control my paranoia? My spiteful eyes and cracked lips still forced into a smile, trying to prove everyone that I’m a fighter. No one ever bothered to hold me close, to tell me it’s okay to not be fine. So I run through my life as if it’s a battlefield, hoping that one day I can live and not just survive.

1

You always point out every flaw Always reminding me of everything I do wrong You never cared how I felt Always comparing me to someone else I already know how stupid I am Believe me I’ve been told enough times That’s why I want to move away from you You’ve made me feel alone While still saying you’re my friend I cared that you didn’t That was my problem The hardest part about letting go is that I’ll never hear you running after me Long into the snow

0

Jan 24, 2018

Jan 24, 2018 at 7:17 PM UTC

Wrong

You always point out every flaw Always reminding me of everything I do wrong You never cared how I felt Always comparing me to someone else I already know how stupid I am Believe me I’ve been told enough times That’s why I want to move away from you You’ve made me feel alone While still saying you’re my friend I cared that you didn’t That was my problem The hardest part about letting go is that I’ll never hear you running after me Long into the snow

14

why the **** am I still alive there’s no reason I scream as I punch my fist against the empty walls wishing I could just shatter all the mirrors and shut out all the noise but I’m too much of a coward to say what I’m thinking so I write here all my thoughts while you sit back and laugh at my crazy mind still falling oh when can I stop falling and finally find the people I belong to but I’m starting to believe they don’t exist and I’ll always be with the ones that make me feel alone one pinprick and my thoughts scatter running circles around my paranoia as they all walk away what if no one ever cared is everything just a lie to shut me up I’d rather die than believe your lie oh no here comes the feeling I thought I’d forgotten skin crawls another scream another punch another failed test another tear why the **** am I still alive

0

Jan 24, 2018

Jan 24, 2018 at 7:06 PM UTC

unorganized thoughts

why the **** am I still alive there’s no reason I scream as I punch my fist against the empty walls wishing I could just shatter all the mirrors and shut out all the noise but I’m too much of a coward to say what I’m thinking so I write here all my thoughts while you sit back and laugh at my crazy mind still falling oh when can I stop falling and finally find the people I belong to but I’m starting to believe they don’t exist and I’ll always be with the ones that make me feel alone one pinprick and my thoughts scatter running circles around my paranoia as they all walk away what if no one ever cared is everything just a lie to shut me up I’d rather die than believe your lie oh no here comes the feeling I thought I’d forgotten skin crawls another scream another punch another failed test another tear why the **** am I still alive

1