I search for happiness in
Music
Books
Food
Movies
***
Television
Hot showers
Cold showers
************
Internet
Medication
Trees
Sunlight
Grass
And I still can’t find what it is that I’m looking for.
Jun 18, 2019
Jun 18, 2019 at 12:42 AM UTC
i do not want to crack myself open for you any more.
i wish i could take back all of the love that i gave you and keep it for someone more deserving, keep it for myself.
i did not care enough for myself in the past. i want to change that.
i recognize that i deserve better. i deserve love, goodness, and health. i deserve happiness. pure joy. i deserve to feel good things, no matter how i felt in the past. even when i am at my lowest, even when i feel that i hate myself, i will continue to respect myself enough to not strip the love i need and want away from myself.
Nov 18, 2018
Nov 18, 2018 at 4:13 PM UTC
i swallowed your grief like a poison,
i ate your disease with a ****** mouth.
i split my knuckles and ****** the consequences,
i pulled out my core to give you stability.
i would have taken the weight of the world on my shoulders for the rest of my life to alleviate your pain.
but it wasn't enough.
Oct 24, 2018
Oct 24, 2018 at 10:15 AM UTC
i am a curse
i am an elegy
i am a sunburn
i am cold grief
i am an insincere kiss
i am the highway separating lover from lover
i am shaking death's hand
Jun 5, 2018
Jun 5, 2018 at 2:55 PM UTC
placing my fingers on my sternum,
I crack myself open,
a fresh orange,
sweet juice dripping down my fingers.
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 5:12 PM UTC
find something you love
let it break your heart
find something you hate
let it eat you alive
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 5:07 PM UTC
crooked nose, bruised knuckles, uneven eyes. strange marks on your body where they do not belong. scarred and bruised and angry and ugly. i kiss the wounds that stretch across your sore body and say a quiet prayer.
you're thinning and your eyes seem empty, but i love you all the same. you're reaching out for something that does not exist, never will; i reach out too, if only in the hope to grab it for you.
you deserve the universe and the scratches on your cheekbones prove it. you fight like a wild dog but your heart is softer than anything i have ever known.
i wish i could save you. you and your twisted morals. you and your crazy love that has never given up yet. you have had so many chances to stop; to give up; to lead a life of morality and clean hands and hearing in your left ear.
you are so wild. you are so harsh. you are so ugly. and i have never seen anything so beautiful.
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 5:03 PM UTC
drunk off the *****
drunk off the energy,
drunk off you
i swear i have stars in my eyes
and when i look up
i see you,
i see the universe
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 4:44 PM UTC
deep in my core, I am as sweet as honey. I have beautiful bouquets inside of me. touch me and i will bloom for you. slice open my midsection and the flowers will curl around my ribcage. crack open my skull to find incredible thoughts growing as they form. separate my legs and watch me open petals of the prettiest hues.
my petals, my nectar, my thorns. all yours.
selfish lovers have picked my petals off, crush me at the stem of my core. I begin to wilt; I slowly rot. they are repulsed. my beauty turns to death and they turn the other way. quick to blame, they fail to notice it was their hands to taint me.
flowers require delicate hands and the nourishing sunshine to survive. when kept in the dark, they wither. how could you expect me to be any different?
if I could rewire this brain of mine -- this body of mine -- I would much rather fill myself with thorns; poison, barbed wire to wrap my bones.
but I am soft, I am sunshine and nature divine. I bloom and wilt and recreate myself time after time. it takes more than ravenous hands to stop me from growing.
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 4:42 PM UTC
you are nothing to me
but a two year memory
of cigarette stains
and a caffeine dependency
that still claims me to this day
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 3:59 PM UTC