You say anyone would be lucky to have me
so why not you?
Why do you say these things to me ?
and are they true?
I try to keep composure
but anxiety rises with no closure
and i tell you i'd come over
if i only knew
where to find you
darling
why are you making this so difficult
it could be so simple though
and i know your life isn't easy
but my loving guarantees
that i won't be leaving
when **** gets tough
our loves enough
all i need is a chance to prove
that im just the guy for you
and make your life new and improved
make you see how wonderful life could be
if life was with you and me
i hope you'll see
natsumi...
May 4, 2016
May 4, 2016 at 3:18 PM UTC
This is for anyone who's ever been with someone for a long time, and you were friends before then. Let's say you were friends for a few years and you decide hey, we have chemistry. Then for a few years you date. Then things end badly, that person who used to be just your right hand, they used to be this figure of comfort for you, the one you told everything to becomes this painful memory. You can't even remember what it was like when you two were friends.
You guys used to laugh and knew nothing about each other’s lips or the mole she has right above her ***** line, but you were happy together. You knew that she loved chocolate ice cream and you shared music. She laughed at your dumb impressions of indie musicians and you were happy.
Then you guys had *** one day, well I mean you were probably already having *** (it’s the 2000’s) but I mean this time it meant something. You looked her in the eyes and realized this is right. This is the person who you love. The person you've spent all this time with is the person who's been right for you all along. In that moment she realizes it too, she doesn't want to admit it. If you are me you had to pressure her into it. I told her I didn't want to have *** anymore unless we made a commitment to each other...and just like that we were together.
Romantic, right? Friends for 4 years and suddenly we were lovers. It was a rocky start; she was cold and unaffectionate even though you had been affectionate before. But then one night she said it, I love you. She cried and told me she loved me as we made love. I had never felt so proud.
Flash forward a few years and we just can't stand to be in the same room together. She gets drunk and tells me I ruined her life, that I'm the cause of all her problems. She sobers up and tells me it was just the liquor. Just the liquor, yet she drinks every night as if she doesn't understand the correlation, the cause and effect of every Gimlet she downs and then she drowns me in sorrow.
This wide eyed little girl I made friends with years ago is a sad eyed beat up adult, who hates the world and cuts herself in secret. Then the moment comes, we finally end things. And you know what at first it's like freedom. I've wanted this for so long. To be free from this monster we've created. To be free from her keeping me from finding someone who will make me happy.
But then I realize this break is like being stabbed. I don't know if you've ever been stabbed so I'll break it down. At first you feel this horrible pain, just more immense than you can fathom. I cried, I cried for hours screaming at the top of my lungs. I sat in my car begging her not to leave me. Then she left and the next step in being stabbed is numb. Your body goes into shock and you feel nothing. You feel absolutely nothing, you know you should feel something but you just don't. Then the healing process begins and every time someone touches it or you brush up against this wound it hurts. Not as much as being stabbed but it hurts a lot. Pretty soon it becomes a scar and a painful reminder. Every time you look at it, you remember.
Feb 19, 2016
Feb 19, 2016 at 3:52 PM UTC
Just one of these days
I'll take my own life
I'll live stream my death
For a fetish based on a knife
It's ironic statement
It isn't lost on me
Watch my blood drain
From your computer screen
I'm just a click away
don't you ******* look away
It's my show
My rules
My time to shine
My time to die
Too dumb to resent
Too old to cry
Jan 4, 2016
Jan 4, 2016 at 7:47 PM UTC
In some other lifetime
We were meant to be
Theres some happy version
of a smiling you and me
but in the timeline were in
and the life we live
I will never know
the taste our lips make
I will always feel
the way our hearts ache
mine for you
yours for his
lifes sweetest joke
was the love we give
now you are leaving
to start a brand new life
living with him
youre his soon to be wife
I don't mean to be bitter
I don't want to be sad
I wish you the best
but it hurt so bad
Just this weekened you fell asleep in my arms
I had all these visions of that timeline of ours
Oct 19, 2015
Oct 19, 2015 at 8:28 PM UTC
I wish I saw what people see in me
I tried to believe but it cannot be
They say I'm cool and handsome
They say I'm fun and smart
but I can't believe it
not in my heart of hearts
It's like every time I look in the mirror
I hate what's looking back
I'm always so anxious
on the verge of a panic attack
and when I send out messages
I fear they feel obligated to write back
Oct 14, 2015
Oct 14, 2015 at 8:30 PM UTC
You think in French
I fancied German
Mein Herz brennt für Sie
Why can't we be?
Je ne vous connais pas vraiment
You lament
Over time bonds may come
Over time bonds may go
Over time bonds may strengthen
Over time bonds may grow
In life things need to be casual
Or at least that's what I'm told
"Be more ******* casual
Cause your personality really..it just gets old
You are just too friendly
That freaks people out"
But when I met you
I threw all those rules out
I talk to you as myself
With my words I don't stall
Maybe our two languages
Aren't so different after all.
Oct 1, 2015
Oct 1, 2015 at 3:23 PM UTC
I've been known to make mistakes ,from time to time
I'm hoping you're okay ,I hope everything is fine
I'm sorry I was mistaken ,yes i was so blind
You mean so much to me
Anyone can see
Without you around
I'm feeling very down
Yeah I was such a ******* ******* not to know
Sep 15, 2015
Sep 15, 2015 at 6:20 PM UTC
A question I have to ask
Has it always been like this
I've never felt so comfortable just happy to exist
now you tell theres a reason
a reason for your frown
well darling I'd pick up it all
to get out of this town
lets just run away
start brand new
**** all these ********
baby its me and you but...
You don't even know me
At least lets not forget
smiling at you was the least of my regrets
at least I could be depended on
at least I could be depended on
And everyday were striving for
Another new place to carry on
I just wanted to believe
That everyone gets what they want to achieve
Let's just run away
Start brand new
Another new place where we belong to but
you don't even know me
so babe lets not pretend
I just wanted someone new
to hold on to the end
to hold on to the end of it all
to hold on to ....the end
to hold on to ....the end
the end....of it all
run away , start brand new, baby lets pretend.
run away , start brand new, baby lets pretend.
Aug 26, 2015
Aug 26, 2015 at 12:49 PM UTC
Sick Psalms in my Submarine
Praying to Neptune
At the center of the earth
Submerge and converge
My thoughts from my head
Isolation in a cabin bed
Weeks in solitude
The comfort of radars beep
Check the periscope
Eat Sleep Repeat
Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 1:22 PM UTC
A question I have to ask
Have I always smiled like this?
I have never felt so comfortable
Just happy to exist
Now you tell me there's a reason
A reason for your frown
Well darling I'd pick up everything
And just get the **** out of town
Let's just run away
Start brand new
**** all these Assholees
Baby it's just me and you
But you don't even know me
At least not just yet
Smiling with you
Was the least of my regrets
You claim to see my face
But I couldn't place that bet
I've lost so many friendships
Just trying to be true
Seen so many folks coming in and out of my life
But the second I met you was the second I started to fight
For better things
For happier days
For smiling for myself
For being awake
Can't take this feeling
I am so overwhelmed
Chasing my mind
Trying to keep hold of myself
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 1:53 PM UTC