I got left behind in the darkness to die,
I had to learn how to fight with two bruised up fists
And I had to learn how to run with two broken legs.
I learned to sleep with one eye open
And I learned to hide when I heard noise in the streets.
Was I not pretty enough for the world?
Perhaps I wasn't skinny enough,
Was my weak body not as untouchable as yours was?
Could the world really move on without my presence?
They could and they did,
They kicked me to ground and put me in a casket and forgot my name,
But the way they didn't me around was the way I no longer needed them.
I was raised from the dead and flew over their heads,
They asked me how I grew wings,
I responded by telling them that when you're underground for so long you give up on someone finding you because after a while people stop looking,
I had to be my own hero because I wanted to live.
I wanted live while others were content with dying,
That's how I grew wings.
Their heavy words can't stop me from rising anymore,
My demons can't take me back anymore,
And their ugly truth is now a beautiful dream that I live every day.
You thought me left me there to rot,
But I will dig myself out before giving up and letting myself die.
-E.R.
Jul 6, 2014
Jul 6, 2014 at 3:34 PM UTC
I find comfort in tall trees and a nice cool breeze,
The world looks so much better when I'm staring at it from the window next to your passenger seat.
It's cold outside and there's a lack of color everywhere you're not,
The flowers didn't bloom and the bees didn't whisper in their petals.
The world spins around a couple times before knocking me off my feet,
And when I finally get up,
Everyone is gone.
All I wanted was tall trees and soft soil under my feet,
So that I could run freely until I found a place I could call home.
For the first time in years I don't feel like a tourist,
I would rather dance in a storm with you than stare at blue skies with anyone else.
I was hungry for a place to stay and you smelled just like home.
-E.R.
Jun 27, 2014
Jun 27, 2014 at 9:02 PM UTC
Keeping you around was the hardest part of loving you,
I never found the way to ask you to stay but I hoped that you would.
We shared 2 a.m summer nights in my bed and driving around the empty streets in your car,
We shared my body and you saw my naked soul.
After two years of happiness you decided it was not enough for you to stay around any longer.
I put my little black dress on that drove you insane and found someone new,
But sleeping with someone else at two in the morning that isn't you can't make me feel any less alone than sleeping alone.
You left your finger traces on my skin and I can't seem to wash them off.
I scrub and visit new places to try to forget their presence,
I like to romance everything I see that will help heal my wounds,
But your traces have left scars and I've ran out of makeup and short party dresses to cover them up.
-E.R
Jun 20, 2014
Jun 20, 2014 at 6:01 PM UTC
I never asked anyone to check the bottom of my bed for monsters because the real monster slept in a bed with another woman who wasn't mommy,
I never learned how to fish because you were never there to take me to the lake like every other daddy took his daughter,
I didn't believe in super heroes like the rest of my kindergarten class because on Halloween, my teacher said that the real heroes of the world were our fathers,
No one ever taught me about sports so when i was seven, i made a goal in my own team's net,
Every year I stayed up waiting on your call and gave up at twelve because it would no longer be my birthday and you would no longer have a reason to want to talk to me,
Now that I'm sixteen you called mom to tell her to not let me get pregnant like she did,
You told her to tell me to watch out for the boys who will later on break my heart,
But you broke my heart long before any silly boy got the chance to.
-E.R
Jun 9, 2014
Jun 9, 2014 at 8:59 PM UTC
We're sitting in your car staring at an empty park,
And it feels like the playlist was made specifically for us,
So that we can look into each other's eyes and fall in love,
Even though I know this very moment will be the sweetest to remember,
And also the saddest when it's over,
I can't help but lean in closer to you,
Preparing for the first kiss we will share that will start a new beginning and will later on destroy me.
May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 1:35 AM UTC
When you fall in love,
It'll never happen the way you expect it to,
It doesn't happen who you expect it with,
Or when you think you deserve it.
Love has seen too many failed attempts of ever lasting happiness,
We rush into love and confuse it with the first stage of love that is the "Getting home late but not caring because he looks so **** good in that jacket" or the "I don't want to leave because I don't want to miss a thing about him" and the "My teeth hurt from smiling too much and these butterflies in my stomach may turn into puke if they don't go away soon" phases.
Love is calling back after an hour of arguing on the phone and him hanging up on you,
Love is dancing to his favorite slow song even though you never learned how to,
Love is writing poetry about how he's the best and worst thing in your life.
When you fall in love,
It never happens the way you expect it to,
But when it does,
The boy in the football team will not come close to comparing to the one who understands you,
When you fall in love,
It makes sense and everything finds a way to come together.
It's kind of funny,
The way love works,
It causes you the most pain and the most happiness life experiences,
But when you fall in love,
Don't lose it.
May 17, 2014
May 17, 2014 at 7:52 PM UTC
It’s a quarter past 2 in the morning and I feel numb.
The wrong words are shouted while the rain hits my windows and I don’t have any strength left in me to fight for much longer,
Darkness is all I can see but it’s no different than the way I am feeling,
My head is being buried in a funeral but there’s no one here to watch.
I am stranded on an island but no one is looking for me.
My head is an ocean,
And without you,
I’m drowning.
The sea and the storm quiver my boat and refuse my salvation,
The waves break through my wooden boat and crash inside,
The angel shouts for revenge but the devil stands still and watches my life slowly ending,
The water reaches my lungs and I suffocate while holding my father’s apology letter.
I’m sorry daddy, but you waited too long to see your daughter.
You waited too long to break the silence.
Darkness is rising and my eyes are no longer set on you,
This is the end.
The storm will pass, and so will this feeling.
May 8, 2014
May 8, 2014 at 5:42 PM UTC
We spent two unhappy years together taking pictures and holding hands to make a fool of the rest of the world,
I swore I loved you and although I sometimes believe I still do,
I know that deep down I never really did.
You were my first kiss in a movie theater and even though it was the first time anyone had held me that close,
Your breath tasted terrible.
Your hands were rough and your palms were sweaty and although you had good intentions,
You were holding on too tight.
I needed space and by that I meant I wanted a break,
And by a break I meant you were the worst lover that would ever make his way to my house at 3 in the morning,
You called me every night but sometimes I just really wanted sleep.
I made promises to you I knew I would never be able to keep but you believed me any way and I'm sorry for the false hope I gave you.
We sat in your room and we closed your squeaky door and I let you see places of me no one had ever seen,
But you would not be the last one to do so.
I hope it didn't hurt when I stopped answering and never called you back,
I hope it hurt less when you heard he had left me after he found out what we did while he was away.
We spent two long years together,
But you seem just like a stranger I sometimes find it hard to believe this wasn't some kind of realistic dream I had.
I hope you're not upset anymore and I hope what I did to you won't keep you from believing that she will do a better job at loving you than I did.
I hope you haven't gave up the dream of becoming an artist,
Just so you know,
I still have every hideous painting you gave me.
I haven't really changed much in the last couple of months,
I'm still a wreck confused on what is real and what I've only made up in my own head.
Don't miss me too much or you might accidently say my name while you're whispering in her ear,
I still think of you but I don't think I miss you as much as I should after two very confusing years.
Apr 27, 2014
Apr 27, 2014 at 1:18 AM UTC
I'm in the bed of a boy who barely knows my last name,
He doesn't know my favorite color or my favorite kind of flowers but he knows the way I taste after I've had a couple drinks,
I am thinking of you while kissing his lips,
He doesn't know the color of my eyes but he knows the color of my skin where my tan line ends,
He touches my skin and all the places you once discovered and I can't help but feel disgusted with myself after he finishes,
He slides his tongue through the place I only allowed you to kiss because I miss you so much I'll take whatever makes me feel the way you once did,
He kisses my neck while I lay emotionless wondering who you're doing this with tonight,
I look over at him while he drives me back home and I can't understand why I do this to myself,
He kisses my lips and I only taste the alcohol in my breath,
He doesn't know the way my eyes get heavy after I cry when I'm alone in my bedroom but he knows my awful drunken laughter,
I let him see my naked body but I could never let him see my naked soul the way you did,
I'm in the bed of a boy 5 years older than me because I need someone to love me back and this is the closest thing I've got since you left.
Apr 26, 2014
Apr 26, 2014 at 2:09 AM UTC
I haven't quite came to an understanding with my 2 a.m. thoughts,
My whole day was filled with laughter and people I made jokes with,
But here I am staring at my ceiling trying to convince myself that things can only get better.
There are people in the world who aren't surviving and have it worse than me,
But I am in a battle with my own head that seizes to come to an ending,
I want to feel alive and I want to be able to feel pleasant things again,
I'm not quite sure how I got this way but I do know that my heavy rain cloud makes itself known when the lights go out.
I have tons of friends but I have no one I can trust enough to tell how my 2 a.m. thoughts **** me,
I'm not sure this is something I can blame on anyone else but myself for letting myself get this way.
I'm not alone in this world but at night it feels like I'm the only one awake in a battle for sanity.
I used to enjoy staying up late at night but now it's a reminder how much time I have to think,
When the thinking isn't lovely the night seems to last longer.
I never believed anyone could be completely happy but I've grown to realize some people can be completely unhappy.
I wish I could fall asleep to numb this pain and forget about the world watching me break each night,
But here I am laying on a twin sized bed in the corner of a four wall bedroom fighting my 2 a.m. thoughts.
Apr 17, 2014
Apr 17, 2014 at 2:42 AM UTC