emma-johnson
English
I have been writing my whole life, since i could read and write. / I live in London, England. i grew up in Surrey/Kent. / I am working hard to collate, edit and compile a collection of my work in the hope to get it published. / I write alot of stuff, but don't really share with others much, so it will be good to get some tips, comments or whatever you wish.
Let me set the story at the tender age of six,
When I used to get bullied by this little *****
Some of the **** he did was pure psychotic,
That twisted that none of the adults believed it.
Adults (they) believed him, I was his bully.
Paid people to beat and threaten me, Haunted for years by dreams,
Wish I would get beaten so badly, they would finally see.
Looking back, they were nightmares, not dreams.
They would realise he was the one that planned,
Misery of my life, everyday something happened.
Imagine the richest kid, pays the others, so his hands,
Never got ***** he got away with his sick plan.
He still innocent to this day,
Its funny, people who are now my mates,
Still recall how much they used to get paid,
Laugh, like it was funny, it was okay,
Twisted ***** wish you were in my place?
No way, you know how much your heart, Was in this, you know your part,
Right now; I can have the last laugh.
Don’t ever let me catch you in the park, when there’s no one around and it’s dark.
I’ve got years of rage to repay to you for a start.
With a warped adult mind that’s attempting,
To repay what a damaged kid was experiencing,
You think I’m gonna just chuck you in that ******* bin?
Just after I do a few more nasty things.
May 15, 2010
May 15, 2010 at 4:56 AM UTC
It’s like being let down all over again, don’t know who to call anymore,
They just want to sit around and push pens, Like they’re bored.
I don’t know who to turn to what number to call,
How do I trust you? I would rather trust the wall.
Back and forth the system of pinball,
Mental health system is the mentalist of all.
So I give up even talking about myself,
Because no one gives a **** unless its coming from their own mouth.
I call my dealer before you, if my mood turns sour.
Because I give up on you, just as you do to me, who has the power.
All your ******** is not wisdom; you want me to waste another hour.
I’d rather carve chunks out of myself and find a high tower.
My decision is simple, you’re not included in this,
So stop reading now, think about your own ****
Right now I am contemplating abyss.
Disturb me now you will get my fist.
Mental mentalist do you want my list of ****
Mums bipolar, I’m borderline, alcoholic with PTSD,
She’s an alcoholic; I replace that need with ****
Stuck in a system, not getting the help I need.
Giving up on me must be a disease.
On my knees again, crawl to the depths,
No energy left to climb lifes steps,
Look back and it’s just crap and regret.
Memories you wanna remember replaced by the ones you wanna forget.
May 11, 2010
May 11, 2010 at 11:17 AM UTC
You think that smile will make it all right,
Do you realise you’re enraging my mind?
Think it’s okay because you believe your better, why?
Like that grin makes it okay to stay blind.
Because I’m young you think I’m dumb,
You count your manners on one thumb,
You speak out; you smile like I’m making fun.
I got a rage that will make you wish you were numb.
Anger, my rage erupts enough for me to lash out,
Punch the wall, should have been your face, ow.
You have directly affected my mood now
Brewing and steaming, to release I jot this down.
Now how do I get rid of this frown?
Apr 30, 2010
Apr 30, 2010 at 3:02 AM UTC
So you know I wasn’t raised in the hood,
But in a beautiful place in Surrey enclosed by woods,
Had quite a nice childhood,
Until the age of ten, everything was all good.
It all changed when my Dad went away,
Couldn’t cope with my Mums Bipolar state,
When he left I have a photo memory of that day,
‘Promise you won’t get divorced, I want you to stay’.
Then that kid had to grow up quick,
When mum had an episode, breakdown psychotic.
Held the family together through all this ****
Then lost the plot myself couldn’t handle it.
So I left home very young, let down by pen pushers.
Dumped in and out of care, social workers?
Isn’t it a wonder how I became an alcoholic toker,
Stress of my life turned me into a chain-smoking joker.
A year I slept in my bus stop,
Stealing food to survive from various shops,
Helped to sleep with prayers and alchopops,
Checked on by ‘Rosy cheeks’ the local cop.
Apr 30, 2010
Apr 30, 2010 at 2:42 AM UTC
Why do we not complain in Britain today?
The only American concept we haven’t reclaimed.
Why in the last few years nothing much changed?
World affairs, wars, starvation, disease plagues?
Why do people still suffer? Spread the wealth,
You want more than you need, all for yourself,
Are we that selfish we only care about out own health?
The older we get, the worse we get and morals melt.
What changes our good? Unlocks our evil?
Passion, sadness, trauma, guilt, people.
Where do the thoughts come from, inner spirit or demon?
What has happened to make us so feeble?
Are we hat narrow minded that we become blinded?
How do other people always find it?
Everyone needs someone to confide in.
Help stop some other person sliding.
Cannot be labelled because I’m always changing,
Life is to short, so stop the faking.
Feb 6, 2010
Feb 6, 2010 at 2:40 AM UTC
Like a ghostly memory rehaunting my mind,
Now I am older I see what you did and all your lies,
Nasty, twisted, bitter anger, smell of life,
Hate how you trigger and disfigure me after all this time.
Memories return, stuff I thought was gone forever,
Trying to deal with all this **** then you anonymous texter.
Hit me when I’m down, only just started to feel better,
Now I can’t sleep again, or dream, back to a bed wetter.
Sleep with a knife by my side, claw hammer and bat,
Because if I saw you intruding again, you’ll get smacked,
See through confusion to see your wrong, protect your back.
What you did was wrong, against the law, that’s a fact.
Why did I enter your head, you contact a ***** past,
Now I’m an adult, you decide you want to play a part,
Twist me even more, you lonely, excuse of your heart,
You and others are hindering my path.
Sick, do you even realise what you did?
Some maybe, but you fit in the category of the sick,
Child abusing, nonse, paedo, take your pick,
Don’t make the excuse that you were just drunk or a bit thick
© Emma Johnson
Feb 6, 2010
Feb 6, 2010 at 2:40 AM UTC
This is just so all of you know,
I appreciate all of the support you’ve shown,
Helped me regain a positivity, helped me to grow,
Relit the fire inside me, allowing me to once again glow.
The caring nature you all completely have,
I know you’re all genuine; it’s not just a job to get cash,
You really want to help, give us the skills so we know what to do if we crash,
Help us see the good inside ourselves, the true facts.
So thank you again for everything you’ve done,
Because now I can hold my head up, I can see the sun,
You helped me unlock a lot of my skeletons,
Once again I can start to enjoy life and have fun.
Keep up the good work, especially when it’s tough,
Even if you only manage a little, it will be enough,
To help us deal or unravel some of our stuff,
Just a smile can help when we’re feeling rough.
So I want you all to give yourself a hug and pat on the back,
Maybe one day we will meet again, (minus the hat)
When my life is going somewhere, back on track,
Thank you all, from the hard nut to crack, insomniac.
© Emma Johnson
Feb 6, 2010
Feb 6, 2010 at 2:40 AM UTC
How low do you have to be? Stuck in a crawl
Stuck in a place, counting cracks on walls,
Wish my tears would run like waterfalls
I need my mind treated for a full overhaul.
Can’t seem to speak or say what’s on my mind,
People use me; my weakness is being to kind,
I only wish I could speak up sometimes,
So I don’t lie when I say I’m fine.
Atheist, was never saved, I wonder about karma,
My mind builds up, erupts, thoughts flow like lava,
I need to become my own mind master.
Choose to wear an emotional balaclava.
© Emma Johnson
Feb 6, 2010
Feb 6, 2010 at 2:39 AM UTC
The world is not enough the tides are changing the seas are rough,
The hope is fading the pain is now to much,
Procrastinating a memory you thought you’d given up
A dream that’s held is now squashed and crushed.
Taken all I have now I’m weak and lost,
Tried looking for a saviour, someone I can trust
A dream I had once is now forgot, mind crushed
I am my on worst enemy, I am that unloved.
So hard on myself, beat my own self with my thoughts,
Like a slave to my demons, emotions and of course
Hate to see suffering of others or what I cause,
I will let you know if I find what I’m searching for.
© Emma Johnson
Feb 6, 2010
Feb 6, 2010 at 2:39 AM UTC
Remember to this day every mistake I’ve made,
All those people I waste feeling all the hate,
For most of you now it’s to **** late,
Keep your eyes glued to your plate,
Don’t try to make me be something you see,
As normal as you minus all individuality,
Cut myself just to watch it bleed,
I need more than a joint to feel any release.
Memory error, upload has failed,
You don’t know how many tales
I can scribe all the suffering words of pain,
Shattered like a glass left out in the hail.
Feb 6, 2010
Feb 6, 2010 at 2:38 AM UTC